Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Help, I'm confused about my sexuality/ what I am.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Help, I'm confused about my sexuality/ what I am.
Autumn Flannery
Neophyte
Member # 93273

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Autumn Flannery     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm a 16 year old girl and I like to think of myself as bisexual because I can be attracted to/ get crushes on all types of humans (males, females, gender queer people, transsexuals, etc.) however I find that I only fantasize about/ desire sex with cisgender females. Does that mean I'm really just a lesbian? I want to be honest and open about who I am but I've never dated anyone or done anything sexual with another person so I'm not sure how I feel yet and therefore I don't want to call myself anything too quickly or inaccurately label myself.

Also this is a bit personal, but I only ever think about girls when I masturbate (which I've been doing since age 11). The only time I thought of guys while doing this was when I forced myself too and I didn't feel pleasure or anything, but i've had crushes on guys in the past and have found guys cute/ wanted to kiss them. I'm really unsure, I like guys but I just seem to strongly prefer girls. Is it possible to be like 70% gay and 30% straight? That seems to be the case for me.

Posts: 2 | From: In a daydream | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It sounds to me like, as of right now, you know all you really can about yourself, and what you call your orientation, as always, is going to mostly be about what feels right and most true for you. That can include saying you're questioning, or opting out of a term for your orientation completely if none feel right to you right now. "I'm not sure," is a perfectly acceptable answer to the question of orientation.

The idea of x% gay and x% straight doesn't really make sense, because we have terms like queer and bisexual to address when someone is neither of those things. Heterosexual is generally used to mean someone who is only or mostly attracted to people of a different gender than them, and homosexual someone who is only or mostly attracted to people of the same or a similar gender than they are. Putting them together like that is problematic, because it basically cancels both out, know what I mean?

But for sure, the idea that queer or bisexual people have some kind of perfectly "equal" or identical kind of attraction, or level of attraction, to both men and women or all people isn't reflective of most bisexual or queer people.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Autumn Flannery
Neophyte
Member # 93273

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Autumn Flannery     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah I guess the % percent thing is kind of illogical because how can you be gay and straight at the same time when they're two different things. So what you're saying is not all bisexuals are equally attracted to both genders and that preferences vary from person to person? I agree with that, I've always felt sexuality was more a spectrum and very fluid.

I'm not out and I don't plan on being out anytime soon but after reading what you said, i think bisexual/queer is what I feel most comfortable with because I'm definetly not heterosexual and while I prefer women, there's always an exception. Also like i said before, i think it's pretty fluid and there's no need to stress over strict labels.

Thanks for the response, I feel like it reassured me a bit.

Posts: 2 | From: In a daydream | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'd say very few bisexual people have the exact same kind and amount of attraction for people of all genders, yes, even for those of us who do feel like it's pretty darn even all around. And for sure, all of this varies from person to person.

Again, I think the very best term is whatever term feels most right for you and most comfortable. It's all good. [Smile]

You're welcome!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sreed
Neophyte
Member # 93583

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sreed     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It is completely normal to be confused of what your orientation would be right about this time and all the more things are going to be confusing with the recent better reception toward the community. I guess the best way to know what you are is to go with what you really want. it is your life and you just have to choose which way you are going to swing. Do not mind what other have to say. It is your life to live anyway.
Posts: 5 | From: Maidenhead | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3