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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » coming out

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Author Topic: coming out
Member # 93248

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So, i chose this as the least awkward way to come out: I'm bi. I just don't know what gender I identify as yet. I'm atomically female but even when i was 2 i had short hair and played only with guys.
I'm comfortable with being bi i just don't know how to come out. This would be easier if i knew that my friends were not homophobes. My parents aren't but based on what they said in the past they would tell me that i'm not old enough to know. Any advice on coming out in the least awkward way to my friends and family?


Posts: 5 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 93245

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personally hun i still avent come out to family, my closest friends know and have been really supportive and i would be lost without them, you'll come out in time when you feel most comfortable. my mate kimmy was 11. if its easier tell the friends that you know you can trust first, true friends love you no matter what and will support you. i know im not the best at giving advice but i hope it helps xx


Posts: 6 | From: Nottingham, UK | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 35643

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Hi randomelle [Smile] . Sometimes it can be less scary to pick one person out of your friends and family that you are pretty sure will be supportive and to tell them first. Then that person can help you with telling others. What makes you think that your friends might be homophobes? Have you ever discussed things with them like gay/bi/trans celebrities and sports do they react? Do you have other queer people in your friends group?

I'm glad to hear that your parents are tolerant people. One thing you could say if they say you're not old enough to know is to ask how old they were when they knew they were straight/heterosexual. They might say that they always knew, or knew from a very young age.

Secondly, I'd like to give you some info from an outside reference I've found useful, called Rainbow Youth:

"There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to tell others who you are. Some people find coming out a natural and inevitable part of their growing up. Others find coming out really hard. Either way, most people find acknowledging their sexual identity to themselves and others is ultimately liberating and freeing.

Coming out usually starts with acknowledging to yourself who you are. It may be helpful to use your own words to describe how you feel rather than use a word that youíre not comfortable with, or that you think others may misunderstand.

Coming out can be challenging to yourself and to others, so be gentle with yourself. Donít blame yourself if you find things difficult, or if things donít go according to plan. Get support from others, talk to someone you can trust. For example guidance counsellors, GLBT youth groups, queer-straight alliances at school, or a queer-friendly helpline.

If you canít find the way to come out or the words to use, you probably arenít ready to tell others. Take your time, think things over. Remember that this probably isnít ever going to be an easy thing to do. Experiencing fear and anxiety about telling others that you feel same-sex attraction and/or are needing to transition to your true gender, are normal. Abuse and rejection are not. You deserve respect from others at this time, but remember they also deserve respect.

If you feel pressured or feel that you canít trust someone, listen to your instincts. Take control and make a choice to wait or not tell them how you feel. If you feel unsafe, get out of that situation, and get help.

Coming out shouldnít mean that you have to change anything. You may choose to change or you may not. You are in charge of your appearance, behaviour and thoughts. Donít feel like you have to change to fit other peopleís expectations.

When you decide to come out to someone, choose your time carefully. Think about what may be happening in the other personís life at that time. Are they too stressed to be able to help you? Are they listening? Is it safe?

This can be a stressful time, so you need to look after yourself. Take things slowly, think things over, talk to others, get plenty of sleep, eat properly, do things that help you relax."

Hope it all goes well for you [Smile]

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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