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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I came out to my brother.

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Author Topic: I came out to my brother.
Member # 91943

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A few months ago I told my brother that I might be gay. He didn't believe I was old enough to know if I was gay. He also didn't believe I could tell if I was gay because I haven't had any romantic or sexual relationships yet. He then tried to pressure me into going out and dating girls.
I don't want to have a relationship with someone until I have figured this out.
I had enough at this point so i just went to bed. He tried to talk (trying to convince me to meet up with girls again) to me about it later on but I wouldn't respond and in the end I told it was none of his business and to go away. It's been a few months since.
My question is do you think I should try to talk to him again or just leave things be and work on myself ?
I could really do with some advice. Thank you.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi WhiteFox, welcome to Scarleteen! There really is no age one is "old enough" to know something about themselves. Did anyone ever tell your brother, for instance, that he was not old enough to know he was straight? Also, you don't need to have had romantic or sexual relationships to know you're own orientation. Orientation is about who you are attracted to, not about experience. Have you asked him why he wants to convince you to go out with girls when you don't want to?

As to whether you should try to talk with him again, it depends. Are you close to your brother? Do you think it would be helpful to you to have him as a support system with this, and do you think he would be willing to support you? Would there be any repercussions if he did believe you were gay or if he outed you to others?

Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Member # 35643

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Hello WhiteFox [Smile] . I'm sorry to hear that your brother said those things when you came out. In addition to what Kat mentioned, I was wondering if you have any supportive friends or other family members you are already out to? Are you part of any GLBT social groups at or outside of school? In case your brother didn't respond how you'd like, who could you talk to?

[ 12-20-2011, 06:05 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Member # 91943

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Hi Kat and Eryn_Smiles thanks to the both of you for your answers.

@Kat Yes me and my brother were close and he has got gay and lesbian friends so I was hoping he would be okay with it. Since this I don't think he will be and it might be better to just leave it be and try to find help elsewhere.
As for whether he would out me we run in different circles I'm 16 and still in school and he's off in college so he can't really tell any of my friends as he doesn't really know them. The only people he could tell would be members of our family but I don't see that happening as when I came out to him I said not to tell them and he rolled his eyes and said 'of course I will' in a sarcastic kind of way so I don't think he will.

No I'm not out to anyone else and don't intend to be for a while. There is a gay youth hotline here with people who I can talk to and there and there is a gay youth group-it's not part of school and is closed for December but I mean to join in January

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Sounds like a great plan, talking to folks o the gay youth hotline and joining the support group! [Smile] You can also come chat with us any time.


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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