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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Am I Bisexual....or not?

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Author Topic: Am I Bisexual....or not?
Sans
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From reading various other posts and replies on the message boards, I understand that I am the one to determine my sexual identity, not others. However, I would love to know if the following indicators are sufficient for me to assert a bisexual identity....... :S
Up until a couple of months ago, I've believed unquestioningly that I was heterosexual (I've had crushes on guys since grade 7). That was, until I started examining the rather "unconventional" way I related to my best friend, who is a girl (as am I). For about 4 years or so, I've felt extremely protective towards her and would have done much for her well-being. I couldn't control the way I acted around her (which I found similiar to the fact that I couldn't maintain my cool around the guys that I crushed on). I acted childish, a lot of times in a silly and annoying way (playing pranks, etc.), to get her attention and to keep it focused on me. Later, when reflecting on my actions, I could never understand what exactly possessed me to behave that way. I would also feel jealous when she started talking to someone else. When she told me of the type of guys she liked and wanted to date, an deep ache that I didn't understand instantly formulated in my gut; I desired very much to be the one that she wanted, and I didn't know why. I didn't explore these feelings in depth until recently, as stated above, because I never thought of the possibiliy that I could be anything but heterosexual (so stereotypical of me, I know).
But a couple of months before, I stumbled upon a website stating that there are some who claim to be heterosexual who are actually suppressed homosexuals. I pondered upon this at length. I came to the realization that my feelings for my best friend are not simply platonic; they are the makings of an intense crush. I furthermore discovered that, by that time, my feelings for her were the same and more as the ones that I'd have for boys whom I really liked. I loved her romantically and sexually, and I wanted to be in a relationship with her so much.
I also realized, around this time, that I am attracted to both the male and female anatomies.
After the school year started, I started having crushes on various girls in my classes as well as boys, some of whom I can imagine myself having a relationship with.
I apologize for the long-winded post *looks sheepish*, and thank you all for having the patience to bear with me until the end. So, the question is, am I bisexual? Thank you in advance for commenting! ^.^

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Sorry about this...I don't think that I phrased my question clearly. What I mean to ask is, is it ok for me, given these indicators, to identify as Bi? Or should I treat this as possibly a temporary fluctuation in my sexual orientation......or would I need actual dating experience........? Plz help, I'm a bit confused......
Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kawani3792
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I have never dated a female or had any experience beyond a crush on a good friend, but have been identifying as gay for over a year now. What sexual orientation you identify as doesn't have to be justified-yes, there will be people who say you can't know for sure unless you've been with the gender or genders you feel attracted to, but...meh. ignore 'em. A straight person doesn't have to kiss someone of the opposite gender to realize they're attracted to people of that gender. And you don't need experience to be able to identify as whatever orientation you feel at any given time.

Edit: because I am sure, if you start identifying as just about anything other than straight, that you will hear it's just a phase. Right now it sounds like you are even worried that it's just a phase.
When you were ten, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a ballerina. It was a phase I went through. I still threw myself into it wholeheartedly. My parents and friends thought it sounded great. Are you a big fan of a certain TV show or movie? That might be a phase. That doesn't mean your friends and family get to ignore it, or that you should just stop liking that show or movie, because you might grow out of it. Everyone goes through phases. Relating to everything. Some phases last all your life. Some for five, maybe ten years, for two months, for fifteen days surrounding the awesome new book series until you decide you don't like it. Everything is a phase. That doesn't mean you should ignore or belittle it.

This from a former ballerina, author, fan of the movie Matilda and lover of Junie B Jones, kindergartener. Right now I am identifying as gay. I personally think this phase is going to last all my life, but who knows. I am not going to make myself miserable by insisting that something I love today will not be part of me in ten years. I'll just do what feels right at this point in time.

[ 12-10-2011, 04:09 AM: Message edited by: Kawani3792 ]

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Kawani3792
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I have never dated a female or had any experience beyond a crush on a good friend, but have been identifying as gay for over a year now. What sexual orientation you identify as doesn't have to be justified-yes, there will be people who say you can't know for sure unless you've been with the gender or genders you feel attracted to, but...meh. ignore 'em. A straight person doesn't have to kiss someone of the opposite gender to realize they're attracted to people of that gender. And you don't need experience to be able to identify as whatever orientation you feel at any given time.
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Sans
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Thanks so much for reply. But, then, if it DOES happen to be temporary and I am in a relationship at the time, then wouldn't it be unfair on my boyfriend/girlfriend if I tell them I am no longer attracted to them? Wouldn't it be equivalent to taking advantage of them?
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Heather
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In any relationship, for people of every orientation, feelings of attraction can change. Feelings, period, of all kinds, can and often do change, especially feelings which tend to be less permanent than others, like sexual feelings or those of being "in" love versus feelings of deep love and friendship.

When that happens in other contexts -- like, let's say someone is with someone for a while, and they just find, inexplicably, their feels of sexual desire for them go poofie -- is that taking advantage of the other person? If so, how?

What about when people fall out of love, in general: is that taking advantage? Again, if so, how?

[ 12-10-2011, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Sans
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I see...thank you so much for the reply. Thank you also for phrasing it in such a clear way. It helps me to understand it so much better.

And no, I don't think that the scenarios you described above are taking advantage. [Smile]

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