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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Ambiguous dreams

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Author Topic: Ambiguous dreams
Member # 43093

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I had a couple of dreams recently, one involving my boyfriend's best (male) friend who I would say I am attracted to as a person but not as in I would actually want to have sex with him. In my dream I we were kissing and I remember feeling that I wanted to continue, then I woke up. I also had other dreams recently of being in a place where there were lots of different people and it was basically just much more open than things are in my real life. As in people were having sex/being intimate with a variety of people, it was a bit like a party only it was much more open than parties are where I live, much more 'free' I guess.

At the moment I'm with my boyfriend who I feel happy with, we respect each other and we have a good sex life, but I do feel that in some ways I'd like to be able to pursue things with different people, even if I don't want to do this where I'm at right now in my life. I also have felt strong sexual feelings for female friends before (some of whom felt the same feelings) but never really acted on them beyond kissing/ cuddling/ massages etc. In some ways I also feel mixed about my relationship in the sense that even if it is very good right now and probably will stay like that, I think logically that I will probably not stay in this relationship forever, I feel that in some ways we will outgrow each other. I know my boyfriend does not feel this way. I want to stress that at the moment I am happy in this relationship and expect that I will be for a while - we do things together, go plays, explore new countries, new languages etc, but I don't think it's for 'forever'. In some ways I have a difficulty with the 'forever' and also wonder whether this could be related to my sexuality? As in, I would like in the future to explore my sexuality mroe, and know that this probably won't be possible within this relationship? At the same time I really appreciate my boyfriend and have strong feelings for him so don't want to throw this away.

It's strange, too, because whilst I can imagine myself having sex with women I can't imagine myself living with them, even though I could imagine being in a sexual, emotional relationship. I feel that in the future I would like to find something 'freer' but am not sure if this is really possible - most people seem too jealous to let their boyfriend/ girlfriend have sexual relationships with other people, even if those relationships are safe.

Regarding calling myself bisexual, for example, I also don't feel comfortable with that, I just see myself flexible if that makes sense - I don't see it in binaries. It's like it is possible to love anyone, possible to be attracted to anyone, and normal to have sexual feelings for people of both sex.

Posts: 39 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 28346

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I totally believe that dreams are just dreams. Our minds work things out and while, yes, dreams can be signs or indications of problems in real life, there really is no reason to endlessly worry about what they mean. Unless, that is, you're really bothered by what is happening in real life and see your dreams as an outlet.

Does that make sense?

I understand what you're talking about in regards to your relationship. Believe me, these are not uncommon feelings to have.
People are constantly growing and changing. When you're not, there's often a problem.

I don't think your difficulty with "forever" has anything to do with your sexuality. I think it has more to do with being human.

You said your boyfriend does not seem to feel that you will outgrow each other. Does he talk about "forever" with you? How does that conversation tend to go, if so?

The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43093

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Hi, thanks for replying. Yeh, I see what you mean. No point worrying about it unnecessarily. And sure, I have some really strange dreams, always have done, as most people probably do.

I feel like we are growing - individually and also together. We have our own lives and a life which dips into both of our own lives... but I just guess I have a hard time subscribing to the 'forever'.

My boyfriend doesn't really talk about it much. He agrees that it's good to be together so long as both people are getting something positive from the relationship and aren't dependent on each other etc, but I guess in some ways I feel he could benefit being without me at least for a while, like I feel maybe he puts too much into the relationship if that makes sense? Or maybe it's not that he puts too much into it, but just that we have different ideas of what we want and (inevitably?) we come to some kind of a compromise. I know with my previous boyfriend (I had a long time between the two, by choice) we had similar issues - not that he had the 'forever' ideology, he totally didn't, but that he sort of wanted more and more and I didn't find myself wanting to give it.

Regarding 'forever', he says he'd like it to stay good but accepts that in reality people often have several different relationships etc. I guess he's just a bit idealistic in some ways. And I think, deep down, he is perhaps afraid of just being on his own, but maybe that's just my suspicion! I often do things without him - a week here with friends, a week there, go abroad, etc, and he will do things without me, just less, I suppose, and perhaps less willingly. In some ways I suppose I think I would like some more distance... not sure how that all links in!

Posts: 39 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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