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I identify as bisexual, but I'm in a long term relationship (we're engaged to be married) with a guy. As a result whenever I try to come out to my friends, they say that it doesn't matter how I identify because I'm in a heterosexual relationship.
It really makes me feel like crap. I know I'm also attracted to women, but my friends and family either say that I was never bisexual to begin with or that I've chosen to be heterosexual. As a result it feels like its completely unproductive to tell anyone about my sexual orientation. My fiance knows and he's the only one that believes me.
Posts: 83 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jul 2011
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Have you talked with the people that you care about in regards to how their thoughts and comments make you feel? Also - maybe passing along some information about what sexual orientations means?
Sometimes it takes people having a look at things in their own terms to understand. For instance, you could talk about how being in a LTR with someone if a person is heterosexual doesn't mean they will never feel attraction to another person of the opposite sex again. It just means they wont be acting on any feelings that do arise if they're monogamous. It may help them understand being in a ltr with a person of the opposite sex doesn't do away with feelings you have or attractions you have for people of the same and opposite sex.
-------------------- "Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon Posts: 3365 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008
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I have tried explaining that to them, and it doesn't seem to make a difference. I don't really know why it's important to me to come out.
Posts: 83 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jul 2011
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Well, it can feel important for anyone to come out. A person may come out to feel accepted for who they are; who they have feelings of attraction for.
Sometimes, people can see homosexuality as something that's only real because they believe that those who identify as homosexual cannot ever be attarcted to anyone of the opposite gender. However, as we know, it's very rare for anyone to be 100% homosexual or hetrosexual for their whole lives.
With bisexuality, people can assume that it just 'isn't real' and expect us to 'prove it' - but if you were in a relationship with someone of the same gender - they would say you were homosexual, not bisexual. You would have to be in a polamorous relationship with two people of opposite genders all the time - which just isn't something you should have to do in order to have your feelings taken seriously.
I'm not saying that the people in your life are biphobic; but Biphobia is a real and dangerous predjudice and works by spreading lies about sexuality not being fluid, and gender not being a social construct. Sometimes thses lies are delivered so forcefully and are so widespread, that even fair, non-homophobic, understanding folks can be swayed into a biphobic mindset. It gets so dangerous that teachers think it's acceptible to ask 'do you think bisexuality exists' as a real classroom question, and nobody challenges it.
I'm so sorry you're going through the all-to-common feeling of bixseual invisibility - we upset so many rigid belief about gender and orientation that some people treat us like they fear us. I'm here if you would like to talk more about this.
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. - Elie Wiesel Posts: 1231 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010
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To really show how ridiculous biphobia is, it's a bit like saying, because you're eating veges now, you're a vegetarian, if you're eating tofu, you must be a vegan, and then suddenly you eat some meat and people say "aha! You're a meat eater like the rest of us!" Since when did what you are doing now be the only thing you ever like?
People (and society in general) can have really distorted views around sexuality that somehow seem right to them but when applied in an analogy from another angle prove to be misguided and hurtful. Even using the word "straight" implies that if you're not, there's something wrong with you. Since when are you not allowed to like both tofu and chicken, but you only have one when you don't have the other?
Note neither of them are referring to heterosexual or bisexual or anything else, the above is an analogy that shows how ridiculous it is to be forced to only like one "category" (whatever that is) of anything.
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. - Elie Wiesel Posts: 1231 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010
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I don't get why you have to please everyone. I mean, people get annoyed with bisexuals for being too greedy or most likely to be unfaithful or immature. Since when did it affect them??? Why are private issues such as who you choose to sleep with open for scrutiny? Your parents may not approve but at the end of the day: what they gonna do? their job is to fail to understand things like the internet, because it wasn't around "in their day", and they see advances in political correctness "wrong and pointless". Be who you are; it would be worse if your fiance was the one not okay with it.
Posts: 6 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2011
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