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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Lesbian or bisexual?

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Author Topic: Lesbian or bisexual?
Member # 37085

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie101     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am really confused about whether I'm bisexual or a lesbian.

Personally- I don't think I can see myself falling in love with a guy or having feelings towards them that are not sexual, but whenever I fantasize about sex it's always with a guy. I've only ever have crushes on girls and when I picture my future I am with another woman, and I'd definitely have sex with girls, I just find it easier to "get off" to the idea of having sex with a guy.

I want to have sex with guys in the future but I don't think I'll ever have an emotional attachment to a guy. I've tried to force myself to have crushes on guys and whenever people have asked me in my life who I like I always tell them the name of a random guy.

Do you think that this makes me bisexual or just plain gay? I just sound confused don't I..


Posts: 88 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 70526

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I really do hope someone else with more experience answering can help you out but until that person comes I'll try. [Smile]

It sounds like your just fantasizing about guys but only like dating/being with women. Fantasies, as I have been told, do not have to represent what you want in real life. Their just what gets you off and do not have to be what you secretly want. There are many straight guys out there (so much so that there is now a stereotyped on it) that get off imagining lesbians, straight women that get off on imagining men, and etc but they still identify as straight. So, just because you like to fantasies about guys doesn't mean you have to date them too/be bi. Its sounds like your a lesbian since you said here that you are only into dating women but you shouldn't stress out about it. If you don't want to date someone just don't and if you do then do. Sexuality can be fluid at times so just go with what makes you happy. [Smile]

I hope I helped somewhat. ^^

Posts: 36 | From: The states | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 51804

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Hi Steph.

Reeree is right in saying that sometimes our fantasies don't reflect what we want in real life.

However, I hear you saying that you do feel sexually attracted to guys sometimes, but you don't think you'd want a relationship with one. Is that right?

The thing is, sexual orientation is way more complicated than gay/straight/bi. Many, if not most, people don't 100% fit into one of those boxes. So I don't think you need to worry that you don't.

As for what you could call yourself, there are really loads of options. You could say "I'm interested in having sex with guys and girls, but I only want to date women" or "I'm romantically/emotionally attracted to girls, but sexually attracted to both guys and girls" or you could identify as bisexual because you are sexually attracted to guys and girls, or you could identify as a lesbian because you only want to date girls, or you could not define your sexuality at all.

Personally, I tend to think of labels like this being in two categories: words which help you describe yourself and understand yourself better, and words which you use/present yourself as day-to-day. So, for example, lots of people know me as a lesbian, but I know (and some people who I discuss these things with know) that my sexuality is more complicated than that; and most people know me as female, even though I don't really identify as female within myself. Does that make sense?

Posts: 134 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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