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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Changing in front of girls when they don't know I'm bi...

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Author Topic: Changing in front of girls when they don't know I'm bi...
Summerchill
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I'm in the school play and before the show, whenever we get into costume before the show, all the girls change in the same room and and the boys change in another. This is the first time I will be in a show fully aware that I am bisexual. The thing is, no one besides one friend knows this about me.

Is it a violation of their privacy to be in there with them when they assume all the other girls are straight? They all walk around and chat with eachother in their undergarments but I'm sure they would'nt feel as open if they knew someone was gay, just like they would'nt change in front of the boys. I know I won't be doing any harm but I'm just not sure if it's right.

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Heather
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How do you know you're the only person in the group who isn't straight?

The thing is, this isn't a sexual situation or experience, and nudity isn't always about sex, either. Plenty of us will often be in situations in life where we're in a group where there is little to no clothing, but it's not about sex, and where we may or may not have the capacity to be sexually attracted to anyone in the group.

If it helps to think of some other situations, how about doctors and other healthcare providers/workers? We will see other people nude or half-dressed routinely, and if we work in sexual healthcare, people's genitals. Do you think that means any of us should only then work with patients to whom it's impossible for us to be attracted? Does that mean those of us who are bisexual/pansexual, just shouldn't work in those fields, period?

Can we never use ANY locker room, anywhere, unless when we walk in we shout out, "Hey, bisexual coming in?"

(I'm guessing you'll say no, as I'd expect any reasonable person to say.)

Disclosing our orientation, even our attraction to someone, really isn't important and shouldn't be required in scenarios where it's just not relevant or about what's going on. I don't see how your orientation is relevant here, because I'm sure that even in the chance there is someone you enjoy seeing undressed, you'll handle yourself with decorum and good boundaries.

[ 01-15-2011, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Summerchill
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Yeah, I see what you're saying and for the most part that's what I was thinking. I guess it was just the idea that if those girls would'nt be comfortable changing infront of the boys, why would they be comfortable in front of me? Unless, you think that seperating genders for that purpose is outdated as well.
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Heather
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Well, that's a big topic. Happy to talk about it if you like, but don't think it's relevant to your question.

We have civil rights around sexual orientation for a reasons, and one of them is because of situations like this or employment. These are not sexual situations, just situations with nudity (which again, is not always sexual or seen as sexual, regardless of anyone's orientation). They are situations in which non-sexual nudity is part of something else you're doing, and you're not going to be behaving sexually, but professionally (or, if it's for school, in an educational setting), so your orientation is irrelevant.

Mind, that doesn't mean that people with homophobia won't pitch a wiggins sometimes if and when they discover someone who could, potentially (which is anyone, really, but not everyone is that educated) be attracted to them saw them naked. Ignorance makes people act really badly sometimes, and so does fear.

So, if YOU feel unsafe in this setting, and like the environment you're in is homophobic or biphobic enough that if you come out later, this locker room stuff will turn into something major, what you always have the option of doing is exempting yourself from that changing room and changing ion a restroom stall or something.

I can't make that call for you, because I don't know how friendly where you live and go to school is when it comes to people who aren't straight.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Summerchill
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"So, if YOU feel unsafe in this setting, and like the environment you're in is homophobic or biphobic enough that if you come out later, this locker room stuff will turn into something major, what you always have the option of doing is exempting yourself from that changing room and changing ion a restroom stall or something.

I can't make that call for you, because I don't know how friendly where you live and go to school is when it comes to people who aren't straight."

Yeah, I think this is what the issue comes down to. I think I'm worried that if I ever did come out to them it's something a select few may hold against me. Trust me, none of them would ever physically hurt me or even confront me to my face but I think I may loose some respect in the eyes of a few which would be the worst because I'm good friends with all of them.

Honestly though, next year is my last year of highschool and I dont see myself coming out in that remaining time so maybe its a non-issue.

Thanks for helping me sort out these feelings.

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Heather
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I know they're tricky, and it's really uncomfortable -- and crappy -- to have to make choices about doing things everyone else can do with impunity because of other people's biases.

Sadly, in some areas and groups something like this is a concern for YOUR emotional and physical safety. So, I'd just to say to think about what's best for you in that regard. Like I said, I don't think there's anything unethical about you using a changing room just like anyone else because you may be attracted to someone else in it. Again, that could be the case for anyone, anywhere, and anyone who has the idea it couldn't be clearly doesn't understand that. But I'd say for those folks, folks who felt they never wanted to be seen nude by anyone who might be attracted to them, the onus is on them to change by themselves, in ANY group.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Summerchill
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Yeah, that makes sense.

I think I just won't worry about the changing room for now because I know I have no bad intentions.

Thanks Heather. I admire you so much for all the advice and wisdom you give to everyone on here!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You're so welcome!

And I admire you for being so thoughtful and brave! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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