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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Sexuality Confusion

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Author Topic: Sexuality Confusion
Member # 46214

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I dated a guy for 3 years in high school, and we broke up before college. My freshman year I had about 3 flings, but mainly enjoyed the single life. This year as a sophomore I am living in a sorority and am having the time of my life. One night I got drunk at a party and one of my good (but newer) friends and I passed out in my bed. This happens a lot and wasn't a big deal. We both woke up and made out intensely. The next morning we awkwardly agreed not to tell anyone and blamed it on the booze.

I instantly thought of her differently and replayed it in my head constantly. I started to notice little things about her and developed a "girl crush". A week later, drunk, she admitted she felt the same and we made out again. This was all 2 months ago and we have probably made out 5 times... including sleepovers at our houses. Only once was sober. I have developed strong feelings for her, but they grew at the same times as our new friendship so I'm left confused. There is 2 choices: Ignore it/end it, or keep hiding it. Both of us don't want a "relationship" or to "come out" because we both don't think were gay... I guess I'd use "bicurious" if you have to label it.

She's very religious and we never use "gay" or "bisexual" when we talk about it to each other. She simply claims she's "not over it" and admits to all the things she likes about me. We both still talk to guys but always want to be around each other, touching each other, etc. I can honestly say I've never liked another girl so I don't think I'm gay or bi... is it possible this is just a freak instance? I know I should end it but since we don't acknowledge it, it's hard to shake the feelings. I need advice on what I should do, and what you think this means.

Posts: 3 | From: KS | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm not sure what you mean by what we think this "means." It sounds to me like it means you both have sexual feelings for each other which you've been choosing to express, but I suspect you're asking that in a bigger way. Fill me in?

I think the biggest thing to deal with here, and the first thing, before you get sexual in any way with her again, is to suss out if you feel okay about this. There's no one right word to use to classify any relationship, and deciding sexual identity based on one relationship would be putting an awful lot on that one relationship.

At the same time, if one or both of you are deeply uncomfortable about this and don't feel good about it or feel very ashamed, it may not be the best choice to keep at this for the emotional well-being of one or both of you. So, how are you feeling about this emotionally?

In terms of words for your sexual identity, understand that sexual orientation is a spectrum, one in which very few people, statistically, are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual: most people, to some degree or another, fall somewhere in between. In other words, most people have at least some degree or experience of having sexual and/or romantic feelings for people of more than one sex or gender. Where you fall on that spectrum is something you find out, over time, by paying attention to your attractions as a whole, experiencing your relationships. And then what you do, if you want to name your identity in this regard, is, at any time, choose whatever language feels most true to you. Right now, it sounds to me like you're questioning, so this may help you out: Q is for Questioning.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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