Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Should I un-come out?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Should I un-come out?
Steven Fields
Neophyte
Member # 51103

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Steven Fields     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This website is amazing!! So informative. Kudos to the person/people who created this site.

I've recently entered into a romantic relationship with a guy for the first time. Sunday night he stayed over at my house and we slept in my room. We've never done anything more than kiss each other, but we figured we wouldn't even do that because my parents were home and we didn't want them to see us. We were watching TV and were kind of snuggled up, like spooning, and of course my mom walks in and sees us. She just stared at us for like 5 seconds (felt like 5 years!) then said that he would have to sleep in the guest room tonight and left. We went to bed shortly after and I woke him up way early so that we could go to school before my parents woke up. When I got home from school yesterday both my parents were waiting for me and they had all these pamphlets and stuff and they both hugged me and kept saying that I could've told them and they will always love me and yadda yadda yadda. They took it really well and were very supportive.

The only thing is I'm not gay. I'm not even sure if I'm bisexual. I've had crushes on male celebrities before, but I've never really thought anything of it because I figured it didn't matter. Celebrities are unobtainable. It's not like I'm ever gonna have a chance to act on these feelings, so why even think about it? Alex is the first guy irl that I've ever been interested in romantically. But Idk what I want out of our relationship. Idk what he wants. Idk if we're just experimenting or what. And I really don't know if I'm attracted to other guys (besides Johnny Depp) or if this was just a fluke. I think I should tell my parents I'm not gay but I don't know what to tell them I actually am. I don't want to confuse them and tell them one thing now and something else later. I don't want a "boy who cried wolf" situation here. Plus they think bisexuality is "like that song about that girl who kissed a girl and liked it, right?" Idk what to do. I can't say that I'm not gay, but I have a sorta-kinda-maybe boyfriend. I don't think they'd get it. Heck, I don't even get it. Any advice?

Posts: 5 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks so much!

So, per your folks, how about saying something like this: "Hey, I really appreciate you being so supportive of me if I'm gay or bisexual. That means a whole lot, and I'm so glad I have parents like you. But the thing is, I'm actually still not sure what I am, or what this relationship I'm in right now means. I think I probably need a lot more time to decide, or even to decide I'm not going to decide. I get that you'll support me no matter what, which is awesome, but I just wanted to let you know, and ask for some room and time to find out for myself."

?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Steven Fields
Neophyte
Member # 51103

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Steven Fields     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
*face palm* Why didn't I think of that?
Posts: 5 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Steven Fields
Neophyte
Member # 51103

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Steven Fields     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I hope they get it. Thanks, Heather!
Posts: 5 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, it sounds to me like you have pretty amazing parents.

I expect if anything, they might feel foolish or worried they were too hasty or made a wrong assumption (which they did, but it's hardly a hurtful one, and wasn't made with malice at all, but clearly with love), and you can reassure them that that's okay, and you know their hearts were SO in the right place.

But given how accepting they were, I think it's a safe bet that they're going to be accepting no matter how you identify, including if that's not identifying at all.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Steven Fields
Neophyte
Member # 51103

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Steven Fields     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You're absolutely right. I don't know why I'm stressing out about this. Thanks for all your help.
Posts: 5 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My best guess is, if you're anything like your parents, some of it is just that you're a sensitive, caring person who wouldn't want them to feel bad. [Smile] The apple does rarely fall too far from the tree.

But if that's so, I'm totally sure you can find a way to communicate this to them where their feelings aren't hurt.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Steven Fields
Neophyte
Member # 51103

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Steven Fields     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Aww...You're so nice. I just didn't want to confuse them or anything. I told them, though, and they totally understand. We had a good laugh about it too.
Posts: 5 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yay!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3