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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Friend not accepting bisexuality

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Author Topic: Friend not accepting bisexuality
Member # 50055

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My best friend came out to me three or four months ago, he told me had been seeing a boy and a girl and now he was sad. I was non-judgemental although I asked him why he hadn't told me before, and he said he found it hard to tell that kind of stuff to those he loves the most.
Recently we talked about this again and he told me, quite literally, that he "didn't want this, I don't want boys and girls, I need to make up my mind".
I am scared my own attitude towards bisexuality has put him off accepting his bisexuality. I was involved in a bizarre love triangle with my boyfriend and a girl who claimed to be bisexual and then claimed to had been a lesbian all along, even when she had a relationship with my boyfriend's friend and then made a move on my own boyfriend days after we broke up, due to the distance (this was not an easy or desired break up). This move blossomed into a less-than-successful relationship between them which lasted 5 months, until April, in which my boyfriend and I were in touch daily (we got together again in June). During the relationship with this girl he'd tell me daily he loved me and how she didn't mean anything to him. The bottom line is, I became the other woman, the other girl was utterly vocal on my boyfriend's Facebook about what they did and didn't do, sexually and just as a couple, and I took to call her "The Little Bisexual Slut". I know, wrong, especially because I have bisexual and gay friends and I get very angry when someone calls them puff or fag, but I couldn't help it -- this girl had got on with my boyfriend and was being publicly affectionate to him, knowing that I would see it. I was hurt, jealous and furious and I think I would have insulted her no matter what she had been like. She has short hair and I mocked it, I'm sure had she had long hair I would have mocked it as well. I was hurting, in a massive way.

Anyway, now my best friend says he doesn't want to be bisexual and that he must choose. How can I explain him that being bisexual is perfectly normal? Did my attitude towards this girl affect him? Should I tell him that what happened with that girl didn't have much to do with her being bisexual as with my boyfriend getting on with her on the rebound to try and forget about me?

Posts: 7 | From: Liverpool, England | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have you said to him exactly what you did here in the first paragraph and then asked him if he thinks your attitudes and experience are making him feel more negative?

It may or may not be, but I think the best start is just to ask.

Mind, I don't think any one person has the power to make someone else accept themselves or others. The best we can do is to help and be supportive, and that can also include supporting someone who is feeling uncomfortable rather than trying to push them into a comfortable place they're not in yet.

That said, have you asked about this? If not, why not start there?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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