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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Genderqueer lesbian? Paradox?

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Author Topic: Genderqueer lesbian? Paradox?
Natalie H
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Member # 48229

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Hey, Scarleteens!

So lately I've been thinking I might be genderqueer.

Like, I'm very interested in cross dressing as a guy. Not all the time, I don't want to BE a guy, but I wouldn't mind flip flopping. But it's not like I really mind being called a girl. It doesn't bother me, I'm used to it really. I definitely don't identify as male.
But I like the idea of genderqueer, neither quite masculine or quite feminine. That's how I think I am. And gender is supposed to be the identity you have based on if you're masculine or feminine, right?

I guess I'm a little confused about what it means exactly. But if that IS what it means, I'd be happy to slap that GENDERQUEER label on me.

But another thing that concerns me is... Would I still be a lesbian? I've only very recently settled on that word to describe my sexual identity. Dyke, actually. Can you still be a dyke and be genderqueer? Or is being a lesbian reserved for just girlgirls? Ha ha ha I don't know what to call myself! I like dyke. Could I still be a dyke and be genderqueer?

Anyone mind putting their word in?

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Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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Devanie
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I'm pretty boring gender and orientation wise(Female, somewhere between hetero and bi), but I'll certainly give you my two cents!

I think you can be whatever you want! =) It's your self to label, and if someone else has a problem with it, they can suck it! =p

And I think Genderqueer Dyke sounds awesome. Like, a superhero name or something.

"I am Natalie H, the Genderqueer Dyke, here to dispel all notions of gender and orientation binary!"

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SweetBlood
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While I completely agree with Devanie about how it's "yourself" to label. I believe that basically, it's a little impossible to call yourself a genderqueer IMO. (Each to their own, right? )

The reason why I don't think it's basically possible is because I see it impossible to go ahead and not have the mind of a "female" or a "male."
For example, if we were born an IS (or Intersexual) we'd sooner or later show our rather "feminine side" more over our "manly side" or vice versa.

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coralee
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SweetBlood, while I understand that you were expressing your opinion, I can't help but feel that some of what you said is insensitive to people who identify as genderqueer or otherwise non-cisgender.

*You* may find it impossible to feel like you are inbetween genders or not fitting into any one gender. There is certainly nothing wrong with feeling that way, or saying that you feel that way about yourself. However, just because you feel a certain way about yourself doesn't mean that other people feel the same way about themselves. Many people, including many of the posters at Scarleteen, have expressed feeling like they were genderqueer or not fitting neatly into either male or female gender.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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SweetBlood: coralee covered this well, but I want to make sure to remind you that in this community, it's very important everyone do their best to respect other people's expressed experiences and identities.

You may not understand or have experienced the way someone else feels or identifies, or may have personal beliefs that other people's feelings or experiences do not exist.

However, when they are voicing them right here, not only should that make clear they do exist, it's very important anyone choosing to engage respect those feelings and experiences rather than denying them. In the case you ever read something here like this that just doesn't resonate with you, or which you feel you can't accept as someone's reality, the best bet is to choose not to respond at all, rather than to respond with nonsupport or denial of someone's experience/identity.

Thanks.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Natalie H
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Thanks, Coralee, your post made me laugh. Genderqueer Dyke TO THE RESCUE!

And thanks, Heather, for standing up for me and any other users that might have gotten offended by SweetBlood's comment. But would you mind giving me your take on my situation?

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Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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SweetBlood
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er...not to get away from the topic.

@ everyone: Sorry for being insensitive.

I guess, I just got carried away when Natalie wrote "anyone mind putting their word in?" and thought that there is "no right or wrong" answer to this really. I guess I'll just keep in mind that there is...

[ 11-06-2010, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: SweetBlood ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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SweetBlood: it's okay, it happens. [Smile]

Natalie: one of the things that genderfluidity teaches us is that binary ways of approaching gender or things related to gender just don't always work, and often don't work. Or, that even if and when we use terms that imply a binary, we need to know there might not actually be one.

A lot of gender nonconforming people I know tend to just identify as queer per their orientation: I'd say I know more people who do that than who do straight/gay/lesbian/bisexual, for what are likely obvious reasons. However, some still use those terms, too.

Ultimately, I think it just comes down to what feels like the right fit for you. By all means, some terms are going to make people go HUH? when some folks use them -- for instance, someone male-identified who uses lesbian -- but if something feels like what's right and true for them, and is okay with dealing with the huh, that's their call.

Dyke is a tricky one because for so many people, it tends to mean more than just "romantically/sexually attracted to women." My guess is if you are id-ing that way, you're trying to say more than just to whom you are attracted.

Terms and labels often tend to have a lot more weight and meaning at times in our lives when we're figuring out who we are, reclaiming who we are, or are new to certain parts of our lives or who we are. They often mean a lot less when we're not in those spaces anymore, so while you're in them, the way I see it, it's really mostly about what's meaningful to YOU.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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TheTasteOfPurple
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There are other people out there who identify as "genderqueer dyke" (for proof, check out www.genderfork.com -- it's an awesome website in general.)

As per labels in general, I think it's most important to call yourself whatever is comfortable for YOU. Genderqueer seems to be the most commonly used label by people who feel like they don't fit into "male" or "female"; others are "androgyne/androgynous" or "agender"; those who feel distinctly more masculine, feminine, or androgynous on certain days sometimes identify as "genderfluid".

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Julia

The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller

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