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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I'm confused can someone help me

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Author Topic: I'm confused can someone help me
Cheesecake maker
Member # 49121

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I'm 15 and I've assumed my whole life that I'm straight. Reasintly at a friends birthday sleepover party I had a dream about my other friend. In the dream I ended up having sex with my friend. We are both girls. She knows for a fact that she is a lesbian. Ever since then I have had strange sexual fantices involving her. Some of the quizzes I took online told me I could be lesbian or bi. This is the second time that I have had the feeling that I'm not straight. Whenever I'm around her I ger aroused and I want to touch her. Could I be bi, or lesbian or am I just confused? HELP PLEASE!!
Posts: 2 | From: Naperville IL | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 49102

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A same-sex fantasy (especially a dream) doesn't always mean you're attracted to the same-sex. But if you feel this is sexual attraction, that still doesn't mean you have to suddenly call yourself lesbian or bisexual. Few people are 100% attracted to solely one gender. Plenty of people who identify as straight or gay acknowledge that sometimes they find a certain someone outside their preferred gender attractive. So that's something to keep in mind.

It's also not something you need to figure out RIGHT NOW. Someone could call themselves straight until they're 48 and then find themselves in your same shoes. If it's stressing you out, you could just call yourself "questioning" and focus just on your feelings and needs, not which category you fall into.

Scarleteen: Q is for Questioning

(For the record, when I was 15, I had just gotten over a 5-year crush on a boy and felt I was only attracted to girls. When I was 20 and with a girl, I realised I wasn't attracted to sex/gender.)

Posts: 8 | From: California | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 49104

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You know what you are cheesecake maker? You are 15 [Wink] . And right now you are going thorough a bit of time in which stuff like this will happen. Sexuality at your age is very very fluid, and it's normal to have feelings like this. Since this girl believes she is a lesbian, then why don't you see what it would be like to date her? You might find out that you are, but you might also find out you are only attracted to his particular girl. In any which way you don't have a gun on your temple demanding you label yourself now....or ever [Smile] .
Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Natalie H
Member # 48229

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I'd also like to add: You can't decide your personality based on online quizzes. For instance, I'm a lesbian, I know that for sure. I took a 'How Gay Are You' quiz for fun, and it asked me how flamboyant I am and how many gay people I know, definitely not things that make me gay or not, and I got 88% as my result. You see, these things can't identify us. Only we can do that. Even if you are attracted to a girl, you don't have to become a lesbian or bi due to that. If you feel like you're a lesbian, fine, be a lesbian. If you feel like you're straight then you're straight. It's up to you to decide who you are and what to call yourself.

Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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Cheesecake maker
Member # 49121

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Thank you for all the help I will keep all your points in mind
Posts: 2 | From: Naperville IL | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Member # 44338

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Hey Cheesecake maker, I can totally relate to your situation. One year ago, just before I turned 15 I was in a very similar situation: I had a crush on a (female) friend. I am also female and had, like you, for all my life assumed I was straight. I also turned to online quizzes (which is actually how I inadvertently found this site) to determine my sexuality.

I felt about these online quizzes as I imagine you must be feeling now: infuriated. For the most part their results are based on stereotypes and factors that do not in any way, shape or form determine sexuality, and every single one gives you a different answer.

I can't tell you whether you are a lesbian, bisexual, or straight, only you can. Annoying as it may be to hear it, you will figure it out eventually, it just takes patience. Accept every possibility; including the possibility that you may be straight (I've found this one the hardest to accept). Walk around for a day thinking of yourself as each possible orientation, which one feels the most comfortable? If you can trust someone, confide in a friend (it helps if they are LGBTQ).

Best of luck!


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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