Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » ok, starting to figure some things out....

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: ok, starting to figure some things out....
Member # 47464

Icon 5 posted      Profile for eien     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok, so I've come to realize that yes, I should be a guy and that althouogh I've been identifieing as a lesbian, I do like guys, although, I am only atracted to very femminine guys, and "femme" people in general. However, I deceded to test myself and see if I actually liked the idea of guys having sex. The weird thing is that I get totally turned on by both gay and lesbian sex, but I am repulsed by strait sex. Don't get me wrong, I like girls, the femminine asthetic really attracts me, but I want to be/feel that I am a guy. That likes girls, but is repulsed by strait sex. How is that even possible?

[ 06-25-2010, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: eien ]

Posts: 6 | From: NY | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29269

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Djuna     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, the idea that the thoughts you describe shouldn't be possible, or don't happen, was made up by society. That's one way of looking at it.

So, society in general says that women should dress a certain way, or that they need to dress a certain way to appear 'feminine', and a different way to appear other things. And there are another raft of rules for men, or for what being a lesbian means, or for being straight.

Some people may not be accepting of a person who breaks those rules. But if you break them, essentially nothing happens. Thinking something unusual won't cause your kidneys to shut down, if you catch my drift. I'm hearing that you're worried that there's something wrong about the way you're thinking, and there really isn't. [Smile]

Did you want to talk some more about the stuff you describe? For instance, why do you think it might be that you say you find you are repulsed by straight sex?

(Also, welcome to the boards, eien! [Smile] )

In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47464

Icon 1 posted      Profile for eien     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I really have no idea why strait sex bothers me so much. I've grown up in a strait household, my mother is very open minded about everything to, so it isnt like being strait was forced onto me. So I don't think it is because of some outrside influence....But to me guyXgirl just seems...i dont know how to put this..."wrong", maybe although that seems a bit to harsh. In my mind it just doesn't fit. I really don't know what to make of it. Being a guy(atleast on the inside) and being attracted to girls but not wanting to have sex with tyhem doesnt seem right to me.....However, I am very happy being a lesbian as a girl, even though it doesnt seem like the perfect "fit" for me, it still seems to work
Posts: 6 | From: NY | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I want to just inject a little food for thought here.

What's a guy? What's a girl? What does it mean to be "straight?" Also, how can we give any sex a sexual orientation?

In other words, it sounds to me like some of your confusion is coming from a space of narrowly defining gender, bodies, orientation and gender roles, even though it sounds like your personal experience of those things with yourself isn't narrow.

For example, I'm someone who was sexed female at birth, and who grew a vulva and breasts as I grew, and also someone who primarily identifies as a woman. I'm also queer, so I am attracted to a wide range of people of all genders and have dated people of all genders. Because I've been queer for as far back as I can remember (I'm 40, and knew when I was around 10), I am quite sure that I have never had "straight sex," because I'm not a straight person. I have, however, slept with people who are male-bodied who identified as male, including men who were heterosexual.

In that same vein, I have had several partners who were lesbian, but again, I'm queer or bisexual, not lesbian. I've also had more than one partner at a time, where all of our genders and orientations varied.

So, what kind of sex were any of us having? Did my orientation lead or did theirs? If either did, and we're calling sex a given orientation, by what criteria? Get what I'm asking?

Similarly, I have trans gender friends who have not had surgeries but who identify solidly and strongly as a given gender. If one of my friends who is a trans woman -- but who still has a penis -- has sex with someone female-bodied who identifies as female, and my friend identifies as a lesbian, is she having "straight" sex? If so, how? And if she doesn't call it that, and it doesn't feel like that to her since she doesn't identify as or feel heterosexual, how could someone else validly assign an orientation to the sex she's having?

Just some things to think about. If and when you do, you may well land at "I'm even MORE confused now," which is okay and not surprising. So often when we try and fit big things into tiny boxes, we feel confused simply because tiny boxes just don't work for many things, and sex and gender are often two of those things.

Lastly, I had a friend once, someone else who was queer, tell me that she didn't think there was anything more queer than male-bodied and female-bodied people having sex. It was funny at the time, but I also think in some ways she may have been voicing similar feelings that you have, that this pairing that is put froth as "normal" can seem mighty weird from another perspective. [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3