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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I am in love with 2 people...

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Author Topic: I am in love with 2 people...
Member # 34672

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This might be a silly thing to be talking about, but I need to talk to someone neutral about it.

I was dating my ex-boyfriend for 4 years until we broke up sort of unexpectedly. After that I started dating my current girlfriend which has been going on for 2 years now, but I still often think about my ex.

I love both of them to death. They both give me things that I want in someone, and I can't decide who I want to be with. I am currently with my girlfriend and she brings me so much happiness and supports me 100%. My ex use to not care what I was doing and did not give me attention, but he has changed and is telling me that he is willing to change for me. My ex make me happy too. He wants to marry me and so does my girlfriend. I do not know what to do. I just want to run away and start over somewhere else.

Please, if you have advice for me that would be helpful.

Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, the first question before anything else is to ask if you and these partners are or are not potentially open to an open/polyamorous relationship.

Have any of you talked about that?

As well, have you considered that your ex's behavior might be different not because he has changed, but because the nature of your relationship has? In other words, sometimes people are just a better friend than a partner; that's a better fit of relationship.

Has your ex also addressed why he's talking about marrying you when you're with someone else? Do you feel he respects the relationship you're in now?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31388

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First, whether or not your ex can/will change is a separate issue.

But I am in a serious relationship with both my boyfriend and my girlfriend, so it can be done. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years when we went through a rough patch. During that hard time, I became friends with my girlfriend, and after my boyfriend and I got straightened out, my "friendship" kept getting deeper and turned into love.

Everybody has to be ok with something like this for it to work out. Letting the two of them know can be *interesting*. The biggest problem, I've found, isn't that much of a big one - but it's time. Who do I see when and how do I manage to get to their house.

Let me know if I'm missing something.

We are all made of Star Stuff...
-Carl Sagan

...Their eyes beheld, first of all things, the stars of heaven.

Posts: 90 | From: Unknown | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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