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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I Thought I Was Bi, But Now...I Don't Know.

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Author Topic: I Thought I Was Bi, But Now...I Don't Know.
Member # 46934

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So, for a couple years I've identified myself as Bisexual (much to my EXTREME chagrin), but after some research I think I may fall more into the line of Pansexual. I've never had an aversion to the thought of dating a trans-gendered person or something like that.

The problem is that I feel that if I 'switch' I'm going to feel like I'm one of those kids who switches their "label" like every other day.


So uh...what do I do? D: I'm all confused now. ;-;

Below every great blind swordsman is a teenager tying his shoe laces together.

Posts: 3 | From: Hueco Mundo | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Many people use bisexual and pansexual really interchangeably, actually, particularly since so many queer people recognize that presenting gender as binary is so inaccurate.

So, switching from bi to pan is kind of a bit like, say, calling oneself black or calling oneself of color, if you get me. It's not really something a lot of people would even recognize as a change in anything but language.

Personally, while I know I can be and have been attracted to people of pretty much every gender, and while I don't support a gender binary, I will still sometimes use the term bisexual instead of queer (which is what I prefer to ID as, and which certainly can include all genders) just because more people know what it means more than with queer or pansexual.

So, if you're asking me, while this may be a big mental change for you, when it comes to terminology, I'd not consider this a major orientation shift so much as a semantic shift.

Just FYI, though, our orientation isn't about to whom we have aversion, but to whom we are attracted. In other words, lesbians don't ID as lesbians because they have an aversion to men, but because they have an attraction to women and a disinterest in men. Sexologically-speaking, aversion is actually a TOTALLY different issue and one outside the way most people who work in sexuality consider or classify orientation.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I agree - I think pansexual or queer better describe me, but you often have to explain those if you use them - depends if you like the idea of that. I know John Barrowman used to explain the sexuality of one of his characters as "anything with a postcode".

To be honest, I often end up just using "gay" in a lot of situations (for instance if I'm talking about the politics side of things). I got to thinking that if people need more detail than that, it's really something for more of a conversation.

In terms of being seen as "switching your label", I do know what you mean - and I often wonder why it is people feel so put-off by the way others identify, or by changes to that. I'd focus more on, as Heather says, getting things semantically right with yourself, and then decide how you're going to want to deal with other people's preconceptions.

For those reasons, I often don't bother with labels altogether (like, when I'm talking to myself, if you get my drift). They're useful, but if you feel limited by them it's important to get that they're artificial, constructed by society.

In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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