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I came out at school! Everyone knows, and right now it is going very smootly. All of my friends are still my firends, and I am being set up with someone a year older than me, who;s in 9th grade. Now I have something that will finally break down the wall...my family. I have come out at school, and to my mom, but now my dad...my mom doesnt want him to know, but I want to know if he truly loves me as his son, and if he doesn;t know the rel me, then doesn't that tecnically mean he only loves something fake...Im probably wording this all wrong, could you give me some more advice! Next thing, I want to go out on a date, but I have to do it in a secret, any way I can do that?
-------------------- Harvey Milk is my hero. Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010
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posted
Wow, I'm so proud of and happy for you, MickyDomino!! Thanks for sharing the good news!
I do understand what you're saying about your dad: my question to you is what do you think the worst thing he could do in terms of reacting? I don't say this to be a downer but just to assess possibilities before I recommend what your next step might be.
In terms of dating, while I'd wish for you to have a full and fun dating life, we're big on not doing things in secret here because secret dating and relationships while living at home can -- and often does mean -- difficult situations with potentially really bad outcomes. Why is it that you'd have to do it in secret?
Again, so I'm so happy to hear the great news! Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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Well, I tried before, and it really hurt because after I did he dodn;t knowlegde my existance,it was like he had only one son. I couldn't tke it, so I lied and said I was confused. If I tell him this again, he'll do something worse. So I'm scared.
Well, I don't want to keep it a secret, but my mom doesn't want me dating, she didn;t even want me to come out at school, because she doesn;t want people to know "our buisness", so I decided it was my buisnes and did it anyways. No there is the dating thing, and I can;t let her find out, ill be in so much.
-------------------- Harvey Milk is my hero. Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010
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posted
Hello again, MickyDomino. I'm sorry to hear that your dad reacted in such an incredibly hurtful way before and you felt you had to backpedal on coming out to him. As for telling him again, it's a tough call. On one hand, I'd want you to feel free and positive about living life openly as the person you really are. On the other hand, if he already reacted badly and will probably react in a worse way, I think waiting awhile before coming out would be best for your safety and well-being at home. I totally understand why you want to tell him, but I'm worried it's going to make your home life even harder. The good news is that you've come out to so many important people in your life and have gotten a lot of support-- that's wonderful and something to celebrate-- even if your dad not knowing takes away some of the sweetness. What about deciding on a period to wait before deciding, like a few months, and then revisiting coming out to him? Ultimately, it's up to you but I'm quite concerned. For example, if you think he might become physically violent or kick you out if you were to come out, then I'd definitely wait. What do you think?
As for dating, I also can understand how you'd like to start dating, which coming out has opened up many possibilities for you. I personally would totally love for you to go on fun dates and even have a happy relationship at some point if you'd like . However, we're also big here about not being secretive about dating or sexual activity, because it can lead to unhealthy or even dangerous situations. So, yes, I know it's a really hard call. Would your mom also be opposed to your dating girls? (I ask to determine whether or not she has a double standard there.)
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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I dont think he would be do any of thatm but I think he would mentally just block me out. Act like I wasn;t even there, and I couldn't live at home if he did that...
Also yes, when she thought I was straight I was able to date. I don;t think she wants me dating cause she is afraid someone will see.
-------------------- Harvey Milk is my hero. Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010
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Hey Micky, then I'd probably recommend waiting on telling your dad. Is there anywhere else you could live, just like for future planning, like at another family member's place, if it comes to that point?
That's a tough call on dating: it's a very unfair double standard but I also think it's important to recognize the possible consequences. I want you to be able to date but I also don't want your home situation to get worse or for you to get in a jam while dating and not have someone local whom you can turn to? I wish I had an easy answer to these questions but it's still tricky. However, despite these challenges, please do enjoy all the positive receptions and support you've gotten for coming out! Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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Okay, I think I could go live with my friend Lauralee, or Aaron. It would be until my dad got used to the idea.
I know, it was so unfair. Especailly when my mom tried to say that we both wanted it, when she knew I told her because I liked someone and wanted to date. Thank you for all of your help, and I really an enhjoying it, except for some wierd looks I get but thats normal right?
-------------------- Harvey Milk is my hero. Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010
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It sounds like you have a good take on things and a good back-up plan: if you think it might come to the point of moving out, I'd already maybe start talking to Lauralee and Aaron and their families to see if that would truly be an option. Good luck there and I hope you won't need to use it!
As for the weird looks you're getting, they could be for a number of reasons: people may not even realize they're glaring or perhaps they are gassy (seriously.) Perhaps they are curious because they, too, are questioning their sexuality or know they are queer and looking at you for guidance. Maybe they'd like to talk to you. Maybe they are thinking something bad, but that's their issue, not yours, as long as they keep it to themselves. What I'm trying to say is that there are probably a number of reasons for their reactions they aren't necessarily negative. Also, not to detract from your coming out which is a big deal in a good way but people tend to be interested in the latest news (ahem, gossip.) So I'm thinking that even those looks will get better and, if anyone does something bad or disrespectful, you can talk to a teacher, counselor or administrator about that because mean things are not to be tolerated, regardless of one's sexual orientation. If you need help with something that comes up, please do let us know and we can give you some advice for dealing with it. Hopefully, you won't need it though! Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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Again I thank you, and I am praying it wont come to that. I just hope that my dad uderstands (nearly impossible). What I am more afraid of though is that he will get mad and my cousin and my mom for keeping it from him.
-------------------- Harvey Milk is my hero. Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010
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