Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I need help or i dont know what i will do (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: I need help or i dont know what i will do
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am 14.When I was around 7 i "played" with my male cousin of the same age. I read this was normal and since i have been ok with it. Still, ever since, i have been trying to figure out what i am. I have had girlfriends every now and then. There usually is a girl i like. When i Was around 12 i saw and masturbated to my first lesbian porn scene and countinued for quite sometime until one day(still dealing with mixed feelings about the whole cousin thing) I looked at gay porn. I felt horrible and vowed to never do it again. I didnt for awhile;until i was 14 when i started haveing dreams about me and other guys. by then i thought i was gay. never had i onced tought about these guys that way let alone any guy and now i was having wet dreams about them. Finally this turned me back to watch a little gay porn still most of what i watched was not gay porn. Now i am more confused then ever. there are girls i like girls like me i am not attacted to any guys at school or anywhere execept in porn. I really would like to be with girls but these feelings have been here for over a year now and i dont know what to do. I am upset because of it depressed and i just really need help. my big question is why am i attracted to girls my age and straight and lesbian porn but find the guys in gay porn equally attractive. Help because if i burst out one more time with saying im gay to myself i dont know what i will do.

[ 03-03-2010, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: truthseeker95 ]

Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Activist
Member # 39174

Icon 1 posted      Profile for May Day     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
okay, i'm sure other posters will provide imput too, but i guess i'll start.

sexuality is quite a wide spectrum and what we think of as "homosexuality" and "heterosexuality" are actually just the two polar ends.
Thinking about it like this, it really makes these two.. extremes.. because it's kinda *rare* for a person to have a solid "same-gender" or "opposite-gender" attraction. Most people are spread out throughout the spectrum, having minor and major attractions to specific genders.
There's nothing wrong with this at all, it's how people are and it's perfectly normal:)

So right now, you're attracted to women but also a interested in gay porn. It doesn't mean you need to panic or doubt yourself, it just means that *right now* you're finding gay porn attractive. You might not always, you might always, i dunno, does it matter?

Another thing i thought i'd mention is that watching porn by yourself, just like masturbating, is a good way to get an education on what you like, what your don't like, what you like watching by have no desire to try, etc.
Like masturbation, porn watching can be totally private, which means no one has to know (and therefore make you feel uncomfortable with yourself) what you're doing and viewing. Unless you want it to be, it is no one else's business but your own:)

Btw, you don't have to commit yourself to a label like "straight" or "gay" or "bi", you can just be you. If you feel that the term "gay" is not something you want attached to your identity, then it's not: you choose who you are.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 40774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bluejumprope     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
In addition to May Day's great advice, I'd add that porn isn't often the best way to "figure out" your orientation. Frequently people find things arousing or attractive in porn that aren't necessarily indicative of their orientations.

Sexual orientation generally is much more about who we personally find we have attractions to in real life, who we discover we have the desire to form sexual/romantic relationships with. (We can, I suppose, feel that way about porn actors. The distinction I'm trying to make is between finding something arousing or attractive, and feeling really attracted To someone).

There are a few articles on the main site which I think will give you some more context for thinking about this, and hopefully will be a relief:

Attracted to women 24/7, but attracted to men in my fantasies--does that make me bisexual?

Big questions about gender identity, sexual orientation and sexual fantasy

Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz

The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer

Living Without Labels

We're here if you want to talk more about this though. I'm wondering what aspects of this are making you feel so upset? Why do you feel it would be bad to be attracted to boys and girls?

--------------------
without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

Posts: 407 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
the fact that this is so confusing makes me upset. like i said earlier i love girls. have had plenty of puppy love relationships and then there were other relationships where i could swear we were going to be together until we died. suddenly this attraction has come and its too weird.i dont like men in any type of emotional way. i truly do like girls. but when it comes to physical attraction i tend to inagine myself with girls but my body reacts to both men and women i really just want it to be over
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 40774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bluejumprope     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sorry you're feeling so distressed about this. [Frown]

Can you understand at least intellectually though that what you're describing is perfectly fine? Like May Day wrote, orientation exists on a spectrum, and feeling attractions like you're describing is really common and totally okay.

Individuals who are exclusively attracted to people of the same sex, or who are exclusively attracted to people of another sex, are actually in the minority. Most people exist somewhere in the grey area between 100% homo or hetero. There's nothing wrong or unusual about what you're describing. We can be primarily attracted to one sex and still feel sexually attracted to, or sexually aroused by, people of another sex.

It sounds like you might also be dealing with some fear about possibly not being straight--not just about having these mixed feelings. Is that right?

I guess I just want to affirm: it really is okay to be gay or bisexual. It's also really okay to be questioning, or unsure, and for our feelings to change. Orientation is generally something we come to understand over time, by observing overall patterns in our attractions to other people.

--------------------
without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

Posts: 407 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'll admit I don't want to be gay. I don't think i would be prepared to live in a world so unaccepting. Also something i didn't mention earlier is that i am very family-oriented. I have always dreamed of living the perfect life with a wife and kids. I love kids and can't wait to have my own one day. I want to protect them and love them because they will be my children. These feelings interfere with that dream so something in me no matter if in the end i do become gay or straight or some iffy part in the middle will allow me to fully be anyhting other than straight. I just dont feel as if i could be the same loving father if i were gay.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
I just don't feel as if i could be the same loving father if i were gay.
Can I ask why? To be clear, there ARE lots of great, loving fathers who are gay (and plenty of awful, unloving fathers who are straight). Several studies have been done which also show clearly that gay or lesbian parents are just as good of parents as straight parents are.

Have you ever spent any time with any queer families? If not, you might want to consider doing so for yourself, whatever your orientation turns out to be.

one more thing? Whether you're gay or not, parts of the world will STILL be unaccepting, just a) not of you, but of others or b) of you, but unaccepting about something ELSE about you besides your orientation.

In other words, I don't know of a way anyone can live a life or be a person who gets unilateral acceptance from everyone. Know what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
But couldn't that have an influenece on the child? like i understand ultimately it is their choice but if i were gay just because they are surrounded by it that only makes it more confusing for them if they saw had two dads when everyone else has a mom and a dad. Also I not even sure im gay. To be honest since i have been on this web site i am starting to think all i am going through is a pahse with gay porn am i?
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Activist
Member # 39174

Icon 1 posted      Profile for May Day     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
a person's identity is some parts nature, some parts nurture. Meaning we are strongly influenced by the values, attitudes and environments we are brought up in, but also who we are because that's who we are. Sexuality may be a bit of both.

I think having same-sex parents of course affects their children, but only to an extent where the child considers that sort of couple "normal". Obviously just because parents are same-sex or opposite-sex, or whatever, their child isn't automatically going to be the same: otherwise, why would heterosexual couples produce homosexual children?

A parent can instill in their child deep loathing for the opposite gender, deep fear of homosexuality, etc, so those may effect how the child reacts to recognising their attractions, but not nessecarily what those attractions are.

You may or may not being "going through a phase". Id you choose to view it as such, maybe it will be less threatening to you and easier to deal with? Keep in mind "phases" don't have time limits, so it has the potential to last a life time.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for all the advice.To everyone who is making this less confusing,expect more questions. This has been frustrating. I have been struggling to figure this out which only makes me more upset because I look at all my friends and classmates and see that they all know exactly who they are. I was the one who had to be cursed and I hate myself for it. I feel as if I have done something wrong for not knowing. In the past I would say to myself to just get over it and that I'm not gay. Then I would start to feel like a basher which only made me more ashamed. Also, I never really think I would allow myself to be gay. That thought made me angrier because, if I am gay, I would live my life as a lie. Still, I stopped watching porn because it only made it more confusing. Also, there is now this girl I like and I think she likes me too. Either way, things are becoming easier. I have turned to writing which is something i I'm good at. Gay, Straight,or something in the middle, you guys made it easier. If you have any other advice on what to avoid and putting my energy somewhere where it might help, I am all ears.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
By the by?

Like I said, we have studies on gay and lesbian parents that document clearly that while when and if they DO have GLB children, children seem more comfortable coming out, there is as much orientation variance in children with gay parents as in those with straight parents.

I also think it's important to remember, and I say this as someone who was an early child educator for a long time, that young children are actually very flexible and very accepting. So, the idea they'll be confused because some other families may look different than theirs isn't sound. If that were true, mind, you'd have to say the same about families of different races or mixed-race families, families who dress very differently due to culture or religion, disabled parents or siblings, the works.

Diversity doesn't do children harm -- quite the opposite -- and they tend to do much better with it than adults, especially when reared with tolerance to begin with.

With figuring out your orientation, please know that for many people, if not most, that is something that takes many years: it's rarely instant for people or automatically known. Even young people who think they know can find out later in life they were still learning and growing at the time.

As was already said, porn alone is not a good place to figure out orientation, particularly since orientation is mostly about feelings and relationships in real life with real people, not images of people. So, try and accept that you obviously don't know now, and should just follow your feelings with who you want to date. As the years go on, and you can look at your feelings and relationships over time, figuring out your orientation will get a lot easier.

[ 03-05-2010, 01:00 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It has. Like I said I still am not entirely sure and I dont know if I ever will be. Just have to take it one at a time and see what happens. Thanks for all your help.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Glad to be of help.

That said, can I perhaps ask a favor of you in return as a queer person?

With the issue in your other post you talked about, about voicing homophobic things with friends?

Might you be able to help yourself get out of that habit by thinking about the queer folks like myself who helped you here and advocate a little better for us? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Consider it done. I finally realized that there is just no need for such foolishness. My only thing is, how do I make others realize. Kids have been doing it for so long, I just can't tell them to stop. As a child of parents who are social economist, I know people don't tend to change very easily. As said earlier, I am writing a story about a homophobic guy who finds out his best friend is gay. My writinh holds a lot of leverage in my school district because I have won so many national awards. I'm hoping they will listen to how truly hurtful it can be. And even it they don't come around right away, just know that there is one less gay basher in the world.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As a fellow writer and artist, I think finding a way to speak to a more truthful and compassionate approach via your art is a great way to go, and can tend to be really powerful. That sounds great to me, and I'd also really like to read it when you're done if that'd ever be something you wanted to share (or publish) with us here.

Per what to do, I think you take steps. So, maybe first you get practice with just not chiming in with insults and either being silent or turning around and walking away silently. As you get more used to that -- and they perhaps start to respond differently -- then maybe soon you get to the next step of speaking up and saying something as simple (even if it's scary for you to say) as "I don't think that's funny anymore, and I don't want to be part of this." Maybe eventually, you get to the place where you feel able to say more of why it isn't funny.

But you also recognize that YOU stopping is, all by itself, a big help and important even if your other friends don't (or don't yet in their lives). You're right, it's tough to change others, but the changes you make just with yourself also matter a lot, even if they don't change anyone else, or don't do so in a way you'll see right away.

[ 03-05-2010, 01:06 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
erinleigh
Neophyte
Member # 46068

Icon 1 posted      Profile for erinleigh     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
In addition to all the right-on advice others have posted, I just wanted to say something else.

You said:
"I look at all my friends and classmates and see that they all know exactly who they are."

Oh man...in my experience, none of us knew who we were in high school. I sure as heck didn't and from talking to my friends now, most of them didn't either. I think just about everyone goes through a period of feeling confused and unsure about who they are - sometimes it's about sexuality, but it can also be about everything else in life. Being a teenager can be really hard and confusing and there's a lot of pressure to fit in. Know that you are not the only one feeling this way!

Take care.

--------------------
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
-Mary Oliver

Posts: 1 | From: Pacific Northwest | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
im back with the same problem i cant stop the porn. gay porn to be exact no matter how badly i try to convince myself by trying to cover it up with lesbian or other types, 70 percent of porn i watch i gay. and still whenever i accidently come across heterosexual porn or something not gay, I cant control myself sither. and its weird because the more and more i watch gay porn the more disturbing it becomes and then i start thinkg about doing things to women and girls i like. I dont get this. Like why is this so confusing. why must it be this way. why me?
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Activist
Member # 39174

Icon 1 posted      Profile for May Day     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Why you? well do keep in mind that this isn't an experience unique to you. The best way to describe me is kinda heteroflexible (heh i love that word:P) as in i prefer to have male-bodied sexual partners but don't find women unappealing, and i'm really not interested in heterosexual porn- if i feel like watching some porn, i'd rather watch amateur female couples! It doesn't make me question my heterosexuality- why should it? that label doesn't mean much really.

Like i said previously, our sexual desires are pretty fluid and do tend to fluctuate. That is perfectly normal. You may not find this sort of porn particularly engaging two, three months from now, but right now it IS something you're interested in. I suggest you try and accept your interest and ENJOY it! it's not going to define you if you don't want it to- it IS just porn.

I am sorry to read you're feeling so distressed over this, i promise this doesn't have to be a threat to your sexual identity. It is just one small part of your sexual self, a part that you're just struggling to find a place for at the moment.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i guess its just i feel so guilty doing it and another question based on oberservation and reading is
:do we define our identities? like anyone i know right now would either call me gay or bi. so if thats what other people say why shouldnt i

Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No one else is qualified to identify for us. That's something only we can do for ourselves, especially since no one else can live in our heads and hearts.

With the porn, it sounds to me like it's your homophobia that's what's really troubling you, but if you would feel more comfortable not using pornography, we can certainly talk about how to change that habit.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes, please help. it seems like it will never stop. that no matter what, i have to watch.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If and when sex or porn ever feels compulsive for a person -- in other words, they don't WANT to be doing something, but feel they have no control over their own actions -- that's always something to both pay attention to and address.

If you earnestly feel compulsive in this, then what you'll want to do is to go and see a counselor about compulsive behavior. Frankly, given how much your homophobia alone seems to have you suffering, I think counseling would be a good idea for you overall.

Certainly, if in the interim, you want to take some steps, you can do things like blocking your own access to things: with the web, it's easy to block URLs from your browser, for instance. You can also figure out some things to do instead when you have a compulsion, like going for a walk, writing in a journal, or anything else that helps redirect that energy in a way you feel good about.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes, counseling is something my parents think will be good for me. Im not very happy in school and suffer from depression but thats a different story. thanks again we will see what happens i guess.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Then it sounds like counseling could benefit you in a whole host of ways, and it's great your parents would support you in it. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yeah the only thing is that they know of several problems i have except the biggest one:this one. i dont think i have the heart to tell them im this confused. im the last of my generation and only boy on my father side of the family meaning im the last one wo can pass on my famiy name and i think my father is looking foward to me passing on this name to my kids whom i had with a woman. i dont think he should no there could be a possibilty that wont happen. also, i notice you keep saying im homophobic and it doesn't seem to fit what i thought homophobic was. could you clarify what it means exactly
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You don't have to tell them: what you say to a counselor is private.

By definition, homophobia means fear of homosexuality, which can be fear of the homosexuality of others, fear of being homosexual oneself, or both.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
Activist
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Even if you do marry a woman, there's no guarantee that she'll want to take your name. If your father loves you, your happiness will be more important to him than passing on a family name.

--------------------
Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i see your point by chance can you answer question about what is defined as a homophobic. like i said, the context i have seen it used in doesn't agree with what i thought it was.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I answered that for you above:

quote:
By definition, homophobia means fear of homosexuality, which can be fear of the homosexuality of others, fear of being homosexual oneself, or both.


--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This article may also be of interest to you: http://www.avert.org/homophobia.htm

As might this one: http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/HTML/sexual_prejudice.html

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am back and more confused than ever. Not only has my porn addiction countinued, but to make things even more complicated, I got a girlfriend. I have no idea whats going on. I like her. Love absolutely everyhting about her and yet, my craving for porn remains and I know she doesnt like porn to begin with. Also, the fact that I am still watching both gay and heterosexual porn only makes matters worse. Any words of advice?
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Have you started your counseling yet?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have but its not something I am comfortable with yet. It seems too early.
Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It doesn't sound too early to me: it's clear some of this is deeply troubling you, and has been for at least several months now.

Since clearly online counseling here and other things are not helping, that says to me that the next sound step would be some actual counseling, which is my best suggestion.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
truthseeker95
Neophyte
Member # 46034

Icon 1 posted      Profile for truthseeker95     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I finally kissed the girlfriend. Ever since, I can't stop thinking about it and wanting more.The habit with gay porn hasn't stopped except for the last few days. When I kissed her, all of a sudden, everything became clear. I no longer had doubts about my sexuality. I thought I had it all figured out. I didn't. Regardless I have a theory that i would like to discuss. I am aware it has certain holes but,still, it provides some comfort.
I am a depressed teen. I have been for over a year now. Most of the time, I am very down about myself for a lot of reasons, one being my inability to cope with the fact I don't know my sexuality. Because I still have such a skewed view of sexuality, when I doubt myself, I instantly think I must be gay. Being so depressed about it, I don't have the mental capacity to "resist" homosexuality(yes, I know that's homophobic). This results in me enacting certain behavior that is in contrast to my self image; homosexuality is completely ok, but I simply dont't see that being me. This could be the reason I am able to watch gay porn and 15 minutes later, I watch lesbian or heterosexual porn. Because having in orgasim releases certain chemical that cause happiness, When I have one to by watching gay porn, it restores that balance in me that now gives me the ability to, once again, "resist" homosexuality. This could explain a few things in my situation. Still though, as of now I am happy with my girlfriend. She makes me feel amazing which could support this theory because I haven't watched gay porn since I have been dating her( except for today after I got upset about something). Also, jsut for the record, I still find no guy outside of porn attractive while I find women in both nor have I ever had this emotional connection with a guy that I have with my girlfriend.

Posts: 27 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3