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Author Topic: Lesbian or just confused?
unsure.about..me.992
Neophyte
Member # 44926

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I am just too confused. A year ago, I was at a sleepover with 6 friends. It was at my house and I organized it. We were all 13, and it was fun. A normal sleepover, popcorn, movies, dancing, gossip, and pranks. Things were getting crazy, but no one cared, because my parents were away. I didn't throw a party because I didn't wanna loose their trust, and I had permission for the slumber party. Well, 3 of the people there fell asleep before midnight, so at around one, the rest of us popped in a romance movie. At the end we were all thinking of the perfect kind of guy, and what he would be like. Things got crazier and more quiet, but the fantasies weren't just in our heads anymore. We played spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven. We were kissing and touching and things got INSANE. AT one point we all kissed each other at the same time, and other times we took turns. There too much graphic stuff to type, but you get the idea. We weren't thinking of consequences. We didn't have oral sex, but there was a lot of touching. The next morning, the other three still didn't know. We had breakfast and were watching tv. We were talking about how fun it was and what we liked and how we should have another sleepover. But now I'm confused because one of them took it back and says that it was stupid and pointless. The other girl doesn't say anything, but doesn't take it back. We are like sisters, so none of us would say anything about it. There's no doubting that. Truth is, I mean everything I said. I mean all 3 of those things. I want to do it again, and I think that the one girl who took it back was lying. I let out a lot of tension that night, and it was fun. But, how am I supposed to invite them over again without seeming like a lesbian? Maybe I am? I need your honest opinions!
Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Obi
Activist
Member # 39222

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I would say that I don't think it's unusual for guys and girls to experiment with members of the same sex in high school/college. Personally I don't think it's always necessary to rush to put labels on things. Certainly many people do have an idea one way or another who they are strongly attracted to, but others may not be certain. Also, sexuality is fluid and the gender they are attracted to may change or fluctuate through the lifetime. Sexuality itself is fluid in the sense that many people aren't necessarily strictly gay or straight, but have the potential to have attractions to either sex. Of course many people who are attracted to both sexes in some capacity may be more strongly attracted to one gender or the other.

That said, I'd venture to say that many people who do have those experiences in their younger years go on to identify as straight. And a gay person may have experiences with the opposite sex before identifying as gay.

As for the actual situation with your friends. There's no real way of knowing what they felt, except to hope that they'd be truthful if asked. I'd say the tension isn't too unusual. Over time it may dissipate. Trying to talk with your friends might help clarify things, though you might want to be prepared that your friends may not want to repeat this particular situation. I wouldn't recommend asking them over with the intention of trying to recreate what happened, especially without indicating that's what you are wanting. Again, talk to them and find out what they want. I'd say giving them space if they're not interested in more sexual contact if they need it to try to give you all a chance to sort things out.

Posts: 46 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 40774

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Only you can know what your orientation is. It tends be something we figure out over time through observing who we're attracted to.

If you're worried about "seeming like a lesbian," I think it would be really great to connect with other queer youth and allies. That support can go a long way in helping you feel more comfortable with your sexual orientation, whatever it is. Let us know if you'd like helping finding LGBT resources in your area.

Also, you may find these articles helpful:
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_attraction_to_the_same_sex_really_okay
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_bisexual_so_why_dont_i_feel_exactly_the_same_about_men_and_women

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

Posts: 407 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Monsterr
Neophyte
Member # 45500

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When I was younger and even nowadays me and my friends do those types of things and not all of us are lesbians or bisexual, some of us are but not all some are just curious or having fun for no reason at all but because they find it fun. Me, I am bisexual but one of the friends I have done thins with she is straight, so you kind of just have to work it out for yourself on if your attracted to them or if you just thought that was something interesting to do.

[ 01-25-2010, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: Monsterr ]

Posts: 3 | From: tx | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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