posted
I met this wonderful, charming, lovely guy 2 years ago. We started talking, we clicked at 'hello' and soon became best friends. I fell deeply in love with this guy, we were best friends, everything was great. Seven months later, he told me he was in love with me too. My Prince Charming, or at least that was what I thought. We were a couple for 8 months, 8 incredible months. Best friends in love, talking, laughing, having a great time, emotionally and physically. Some days ago I found out he had been lieing about some minor details, which didnt really matter. I asked whether there was anything else he had been hiding from me, he told me there was, but he didnt wanna tell me what it was. I nagged and asked until he told me. He was GAY, and he had been all along. Now our relationship is over, we are still talking a bit together, mostly about how he could lie to me about this ever since we met.
He keeps on telling me that he really is feeling this for me, that he really is in love with me. But he is gay.
Should I believe that he is in love with me? Is it possible for a gay guy to be in love with a straight girl?? Does anyone have any experience about this??
-------------------- -- everything is not what it seems -- Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
Being gay, much like being straight, means that a person is solely or primarily emotionally and sexually attracted to those of a same or similar sex/gender as they.
For many, no, it does not mean exclusively. For plenty it does, sure, but not all. And plenty of people, in the process of time it often takes to find out what their orientation is, will date people outside of that orientation. That's all the more prevalent for those who are gay or lesbian because of the cultural pressures to date opposite-sex, and the heterocentrism in the world.
Did he say he knew he was gay, and felt very solid in that, your whole relationship? I ask that because many people are not very solid in what their orientation is, especially younger people.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39758 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
He has known it for several years before he met me, very solid. He has always liked boys, never had any feelings or been attracted to any girl, except me.
-------------------- -- everything is not what it seems -- Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2009
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If you made it clear -- and I do think that's relevant -- that you wanted to date someone straight and he did not tell you he wasn't, that's not minor trust issue. On the other hand, if you never had any of those kinds of conversations, I think you do have to think about how responsible anyone else is for any assumptions we may make about their orientation. Do you know what I mean?
And, he's known he was gay, but he also knew he was attracted to you, something that can and does happen.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39758 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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It sounds like you have quite a confusing situation here, I hope I can help.
As Heather described it, calling yourself gay can actually mean something rather different for different people.
I know for a lot of people, sexuality begins as just a matter of what we feel, what arouses us and who makes us feel good. It's after those feelings that we will come to question what we should (or maybe needn't) call ourselves; finding what fits best. It doesn't overwrite the feelings we do have when we do that and is just a best attempt to describe who we're attracted to. There are always gaps and exceptions and personal ways of "doing" that orientation.
His only ever having been attracted to guys understandably may well be what led him to first decide to come out as gay... but as he said he developed an attraction to you. This can only speak for itself and regardless and as part of what he means as gay.
Certain titles like straight, gay, bi, queer, etc can comfortably work for us for us forever, and we'll share that with a lot of other people, but that never means we all have the same sexuality, the same way that we all have individual personalities. For him right now, it seems, being into you is what he feels and calling himself gay is what feels most comfortable for him.
I would say all of this works, you can believe him, it makes sense that he is attracted to you.
posted
Hey capricorn. I see you've already got a couple of really good answers. I wanted to throw in my 2 cents, since I can add another perspective to this.
A little over five years ago, when I started dating my ex-boyfriend, I was identifying as lesbian and had been out as such for a few years. Since I was out, my boyfriend knew about this before we started dating, but it did cause him some insecurity from time to time. But despite the fact that I had previously been only attracted to women, I felt a very strong attraction to him and loved him very much the entire time we were together. We broke up after five years for completely unrelated reasons.
So, yes, it is entirely possible for someone to identify as homosexual and still develop feelings for someone of the opposite sex. Sexuality isn't static - rather, it is fluid, and it can change and shift over the course of a lifetime.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 4405 | From: Europe/IN | Registered: Sep 2005
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