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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Never occured to me before...

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Author Topic: Never occured to me before...
darksideofbluemoon
Neophyte
Member # 44557

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I just recently realized that I might not be totally straight.

I'm 19, female, and I date guys and enjoy having sex with them. I'm attracted to guys physically. I'm generally way more comfortable around guys than girls. But I have a hard time liking guys on an emotional level, especially since I started having sex a few years ago.

The thing is though, I sometimes find myself attracted to women. It's much less physical than it is with men, but way more emotionally intense. And I only feel this way about a very small number of women. If I found myself feeling this way about men too then I would probably just stick with men, but I don't.

I was completely in love with this guy once, but it didn't make me happy and I eventually dumped him. It was the only time Iíve ever been in love. I do sometimes get attached to guys emotionally, but it's different. Not better or worse, but so completely different that there should be another word.

I'm thinking of going to a gay bar or something and just trying to have sex with a woman and seeing what that's like. But I donít know if that would work because Iím attracted to so few women. And honestly, the thought of having sex with a woman doesn't appeal to me at all, and actually freaks me out.

I don't know. I've heard that you can be attracted to men in some ways and women in others, but how the hell do you reconcile that? If you're only really sexually satisfied by one gender, and emotionally satisfied by the other, how can you ever get into a fully satisfying relationship? Would it even be possible? I really just want to be happy and I don't know what to do.

So yeah, any book recommendations or advice would be great. Thanks in advance.

Posts: 2 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vshanti
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 43159

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Hi darksideofbluemoon! Welcome to Scarleteen.

Here are some articles that might be useful to you:

The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
I'm bisexual, so why don't I feel exactly the same about men and women?

Once you've read those, feel free to post again and we can talk some more [Smile]

--------------------
Vanessa

I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe...
I do, I do, I do.


Posts: 140 | From: Montreal | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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One thing I think we can get started with is this statement:

quote:
I'm thinking of going to a gay bar or something and just trying to have sex with a woman and seeing what that's like. But I donít know if that would work because Iím attracted to so few women. And honestly, the thought of having sex with a woman doesn't appeal to me at all, and actually freaks me out.
I'm not sure I understand why you would do anything sexual with anyone that has no appeal to you or which freaks you out. can you talk more about why you would want to do that?

I think it's also very important to recognize that all we can find out about having sex with one individual in this regard is if we do or do not enjoy having sex with that individual. In other words, none of us can somehow represent the whole of any large group we represent. I am a woman, but I can't represent all women or the experience anyone would have with all of us. I am a white person, but I can't represent all white people. I'm 39, but I can't represent all 39 year olds. Know what I mean?

It might help to flip this and think about if having sex with any one man gave you any real information about ALL the men you have had sex with. Because you liked sex with one guy, does that mean you'd like it with all of them? If we have a negative or less-than-satisfactory sexual experience with someone of one race, does that mean we just don't sexually like all other people of that race, or will have that same experience with all?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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