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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » When to come out - and to whom...

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Author Topic: When to come out - and to whom...
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Everyone's experiences are a little bit different - and sometimes just hearing about someone else's experiences can offer support to those still looking to make a decision.

*What helped you make the decision to talk to others if you have?
*Who did you tell first - and was this a positive experience for you where you found support?
*What, if anything, do you with would have been different, or do you wish you could have done differently.

I recently began talking with some of my friends about being bisexual, and a majority of them were very supportive - but that's something I can usually expect from my friends being such a diverse and accepting group. A couple of my friends were not as supportive, but I was able to work through that as well.

My family on the other hand, I'm not sure knowing their opinions that I will be able to tell them. I've listened to them for years, and more so now that I've gotten involved with an LGBT group at school. Since the time that I first mentioned the lgbta group, I've had to listen to both my parent's narrow opinions about better causes and better uses of my time. I wish I could be honest with my family, and still find the support with them that I did with my friends - but I know they're not going to be so accepting.

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42075

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What made me decide to start coming out was the desire to be honest with my friends and, eventually, family. I still haven't filled everyone in yet...

The first person I talked to was one of my closest friends, a person who I knew was very much an ally to the queer community at my school and to her friends. So, I was lucky there in that I knew she would be supportive, but that didn't mean it was easy.

This is a bit strange, but actually among my close friends, four of us have just come out in the past year or two (we have just finished university). What is weird is that we all became friends while we were still closeted or questioning!

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Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 43158

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Well I come from a very catholic community which was also very straight. When I came out in high school I was not the only lesbian, but I was the only one who was so open and able to joke about it with friends and teachers.

First I told one of my friends on whom I had a huge crush on. She told me she didn't like me and hugged me and said she still loved me as a friend. It was a good experience because I thought, well she's still my friend after receiving that news, so that must mean something. And I just came out to all my friends and even my family during high school.

Then I went off to university in mexico (I was studying in the states) and I never hid the fact that I was gay. My friends and their parents and my teachers and strangers all knew that I was gay and they didn't care. I think that mostly no one cared or got weirded out because I was always really just comfortable with myself. If people sense that you're uncomfortable or unhappy with yourself they will pick up on it and in turn be weird around you.

I wont lie and say that it was always easy. Being the only openly gay person in my whole university campus was really isolating, but hearing from my friends that I was the only lesbian they knew and that it made them think that it was normal was a good motivator to keep being open.

Even if your family thinks that it is a fase or are weird about it, having it out in the open is better than always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the worse to come. I would say to slowly build a community around you (of friends and even here) to receive the emotional support you will need for the whole coming out to your parents process because it can be rough.

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Member # 44175

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One of the reasons it took me as long as it did to come out was that I just couldn't think of a way to bring it up without it being awkward. I wasn't too worried about prejudice and crap, and even if I had come up against it I'm probably too headstrong for it to have much effect on me anyway [Razz]

The first person I came out to was an old acquaintance of mine (I've known him a really long time, but I don't know if I'd quite call us friends) over MSN at 11:50 PM when I found out it was National Coming Out Day, I hadn't come out to anyone, and he was the only one on MSN.

If there was one I could do differently, it would be when I came out to one friend of mine at about 3:00 AM in the middle of a really confused conversation about jell-o wrestling a month or two after I'd come out to most of my friends. I hadn't realized I hadn't told him already, and thought he knew, when he didn't. He was a bit hurt that I hadn't told him, and I felt bad about it because it was really just neglect - I'd told everyone else and he was just out of the loop.

Posts: 3 | From: Canada | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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