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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » run-of-the-mill... am I bi?

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Author Topic: run-of-the-mill... am I bi?
ToughToffee
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Relationship-wise, I am straight. I have absolutly no sexual or close feelings around girls (even very pretty ones)... in real life.
However, I can only fantasize about girls. All of my sexual fantasies are about girls, boys just do not do it for me in my mind.
I have a very great relationship with my boyfriend and he can turn me on like no other. I cannot even imagine being involved with a girl in any way in real life (even before we began dating), it even turns me off. In fantisies it is two faceless girls, any involvement with me in it immediatly turns me off.
So, am I condidered bisexual if only fantisizing about girls turns me on and in real life it turns me off?

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Idir
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You are only then bisexual if you actually consider yourself to be bisexual.
And only you.

You don't necessarily need to be attracted to both genders equally, or in the same way, to be bisexual.
But, sexuality is not a binary, it's a spectrum. As things are more complicated in your case as (correct me if I'm wrong) you only fantasize about (faceless) girls, and only feel comfortable in a straight relationship.

I'd describe you as a heteroromantic homosexual (?), but who am I to do so?

It would be helpful to see why you don't fantasize about boys, or why seeing these girls "with faces" or with you involved would turn you on, that might help you in your path to sexual unconfusion [Big Grin]

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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ToughToffee
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If it is a guy, it doesn't turn me off... just doesn't do anything for me. I cannot think of a specific girl, just sort of a generic stranger... hard to describe. In real life, boys turn me on. I have wonderful (albeit safe [Wink] ) sexual experiances with my boyfriend. Oh well... by the way, what in the name of peanut butter is a heteroromantic homosexual?
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Idir
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Mmm... Peanut Butter!
*nomnom*

A certain friend of mine describes herself as being such. She's sexually attracted to the same sex but romantically attracted to the opposite.
Long story.

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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bluejumprope
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I just wanted to put in my two cents because it doesn't sound to me like you're attracted to women at all ("I have absolutly no sexual or close feelings around girls").

Did you see this recent thread?

I think a bisexual is someone who feels some degree of attraction both to people of their sex and another sex, which it sounds like you don't.

Also, I don't think fantasizing about "faceless" people is in any way indicative of confusion. I think it's extremely common.

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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bluejumprope
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(And, rereading Idir's post, I have to say: There is nothing wrong with NOT fantasizing about boys. There is nothing unhealthy or even odd sounding about what you're describing. Having your fantasies be different than your real life attractions/turn ons is totally common.)

[ 03-22-2009, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: bluejumprope ]

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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ToughToffee
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Thank you all soooo much. what with all the diffrent sexes in the diffrent situations ahhhh it makes my head spin. I just figured some degree of bisexuality was in there somewhere. It's weird to say "straight" when I am here drooling over girls in my mind LOL but I see what you all are saying. You all are SUCH a huge help here. As long as I can be happy with my beloved, understanding boyfriend it's all okay [Razz]
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ToWhomItMayConcern
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I believe it is safe to say that you are straight. In your mind (I'm guessing), girls are simply that much more interesting or exciting. That to me is completely understandable.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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ToWhom: I'm wondering if she had said she was sexually fantasizing about nothing but men, but dating a woman right now, and had not yet had any sexual relationships with men yet, would you feel as as solidly that she were lesbian as you do that she's straight in this scenario?

I ask that because I don't think we can say so surely what orientation someone is based on this information alone. Of course, I don't think any of us can tell someone else what their orientation is, period. [Smile]

[ 03-29-2009, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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