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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » How do I support a friend that has recently came out?(long)

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Author Topic: How do I support a friend that has recently came out?(long)
pnyrdr
Neophyte
Member # 39037

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I have a friend who came out to me and another good friend of mine about 3 months ago. You can tell she does not desire boys and does not want to look like a girl. She looks just like a boy and she does it purposely. Now I have no problem with this at all. That is one of the reasons she came out to me. Also I have known her for many yrs. and I have always considered her and her other sister my younger siblings. The girls mother is a very firm christain and even two gays on Tv upsets her. The girl really wants to tell her mother but knows that she would be forced to be straight. She told her younger sister and the sister tries to use it as black mail (ex. If you dont let me use the last of your money on your itunes account ill tell mom and all your friends that you are a lesbian.) I really do not want her to feel anymore left out than she already does.She cherishes every friend she has. She also has a crush on one of her older friends that is straight. To my question... What can I say to her about her friend that she has a crush on to make her understand that her friend is straight? Should I even tell her this? Also, Should I sit down with her younger sister and let her know that something like this should be used as black mail? Should she come out to her mom? I suggested that she waited till I move out next yr so if her mom kicked her out she would have some where to live. Does that sound like credible advice?
Thanks

Posts: 5 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jase Watson
Activist
Member # 39090

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Well, actually, that is credible advice. That way there is a support there that she will really need. You need to sit your friend down and let her know that her crush is straight, but that she will find another woman that is incredible for her and that will make her really happy. As for the pesky sister, definantly, get it through to her that its not something you play around with, and that it could hurt multiple people, including her. Im sure it would hurt her to see your friend and her mother fighting, then seeing her sister get kicked out beacuse of her. Let your friend know that you support her, and that everything will be fine. Let her know that in due time she can tell her mom, but wait till theres a net (you) around to catch her. Then her mom can decide what to do. Also, I highly, highly recommend your there with your friend when she tells her mother, and you participate in trying to explain to her mother its not something shell go to hell for, that its just the way she is, and that a mother should love her daughter regardless of sexual preference. Good luck!!! [Smile]

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- Jase Watson

Posts: 58 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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