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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Where do I go from here...

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Author Topic: Where do I go from here...
Member # 38366

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It's taken me a little while to admit that I have some bicurious impulses that I haven't yet had the courage to act on. There are a few things that I don't quite know how to sort out.

The first thing is that I'm not sure how to tell if I'm really attracted to a girl sexually, the way I am to guys, or if I just like her as a friend. This is confusing for me mostly because I feel myself drawn to girls I really don't know at all - Basically I have no idea what they are like personality wise. That's what makes me think there might be a physical attraction too.

The second thing is that girls I KNOW are lesbian or bisexual pique my curiosity a little more. The logical part of me tells me that doesn't make sense; that if I were really attracted to women, I'd be attracted to gay and straight ones alike. (I have caught myself watching a couple girls whose orientation I don't really know, though). Right now, there's one girl in particular that I've been thinking about a LOT...but I don't get that nervous "oh God what do I say when I'm around this person" feeling that I do with guys. I do know her pretty well though, I know she's lesbian, and I really do like her personality.

But the third and most complicating issue is that I'm in a two-year relationship with a guy I absolutely adore. And as curious as I am, and as much as I would like to know where my orientation really stands, I don't want to break up with him or be unfaithful to him just to satisfy my own curiosity. There's a strong possibility I might end up marrying him once we both graduate from college. I love him, I'm very attracted to him, and we have amazing (and safe [Razz] ) sex.

So I feel kinda stuck when it comes to the question. [Confused]

Posts: 1 | From: Texas | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Part of what makes us attracted to other people is feeling chemistry between us, so it's pretty normal for us to feel more strongly attracted to someone where we feel a mutual attraction or feel like that's at least a possibility.

But it sounds like right now, you're in a monogamous relationship you are enjoying being in. being bisexual doesn't mean we can't be monogamous, just like being heterosexual -- given people tend to be attracted to way more than one person -- doesn't mean a person can't be monogamous. As well, we don't really find out what our orientation is or solidify it by having sex with someone else. If you had sex with a woman and it didn't feel good or right, would that mean you weren't attracted to all women, or that things just were not right with that one?

(Plus, engaging someone in a sexual relationship primarily to figure something out about yourself, rather than in the interest of shared and mutual pleasure, physical and/or emotional, tends to be....well, not always so great for the other person. Know what I mean? How might you feel if your current partner got involved with you to just see how he felt about women and to see if he was heterosexual?)

So, perhaps in time you'll want to talk about opening up the relationship beyond monogamy, but is that something you want to do now or not?

lastly, girls aren't any one way, so knowing what we are "like," is the same as knowing what guys or anyone else is like, since we differ so much. How do you determine if you're attracted to a guy? However that is, it's basically going to be the same with women.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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