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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » BDSM Questions/Issues

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Author Topic: BDSM Questions/Issues
Member # 38173

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This is possibly a bit strange, but I've been pondering some things lately. Because I've realised that I'm definitely pretty submissive and in to the whole BDSM thing - I like the idea of being tied up, cut and so forth.

But the thing is - I worry about the degree. Because for me, realistically I'd only want to keep it in the bedroom, not outside. Except that this is a problem, because it seems like most BDSM relationship are more intense than I can see myself doing/that I want to control it too much, to be submissive. Because I like being independent and I want to give up control on my terms as well. Is that wrong, in terms of BDSM relationships?

This would be hypothetical, but there's a girl whom I'm very interested in, who is definitely a dom and I'm trying to get all this clear in my head. Because I've always had this kinky side, but I've always been a bit ashamed/unsure of it.

[ 04-26-2008, 04:41 AM: Message edited by: mellisha ]

"You don't have to understand here, to be here" (Life)

Posts: 1 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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I don't think it is wrong to want to be submissive only in terms of sex and not the rest of the relationship. A lot of BDSM experts will even say that it isn't healthy to keep up those roles of dominant and submissive in the rest of the relationship and that it should be limited to sex or to certain agreed upon aspects of the relationship. Really, you have the right to structure the BDSM aspect of the relationship to exist only in the bedroom if that's what you feel most comfortable with it, and if your partner refuses that and wants to make it be in all areas of the relationship or in more areas of the relationship than you feel comfortable with, then you have the right to say that's a deal breaker.

It might help to take a look at this article, too: Working the Kinks Out

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Member # 37366

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I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but I went through that issue (as well as others) when I recently came to terms with my interest in BDSM.

It's really, really hard to find reliable information, but I found this site very helpful.

"Who's to say that love needs to be soft and gentle?"
-Dr. Twardon (Secretary)

Posts: 28 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hinata's Girl
Member # 40289

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When is the national Day of Silence?
I wannna orgonize to do somthing in my middle school...
also how would i organize it? [Confused]

"My mom used to say to me; When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
Well, now that I'm older i just add Vodka"

Posts: 6 | From: The Universe | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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