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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Totally Baffled....

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Author Topic: Totally Baffled....
rowby
Neophyte
Member # 36283

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So I'm in a relationship with a girl right now, and have been for the past 3 years or so. I'm 22, but I don't know where I stand orientation wise. I find myself turned on by sexual encounters with other males, but strictly that. The idea of kissing or dating another male doesn't appeal to me in any way and never has. And I am, most turned by women, but this idea of sex with other males throws me off completely. Where am I? Am I bi? Am I what? Thanks.
Posts: 8 | From: WA | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, kissing is a sexual activity.

One thing to remember is that we can safely say most people have some internalized homophobia, as well as internalized heterosexism. Were you raised with strong ideas that it was normal and natrual to date women, kiss women, have romantic feelings? How about for men? Chances are, you got very different messages in that regard.

That given, sometimes it can take people a while to sort through all of that, and some people -- including bisexuals and homosexuals -- never really will. Given, with bisexuality, that doesn't mean a person is 50/50 in their romantic and sexual attractions and feeling with both men and women, but if you do feel attraction to both but the idea of kissing and dating one sex seems great, and the other repulsive or just totally out-of-whack, I feel like it's likely homophobia is probably afoot.

22 is still young: it may just take a while more to sort all of this out, and that's okay. It's also okay to choose to date or kiss or have sex with whoever you feel you want to do those things with, and who wants to do those same things with you. So, even if you always feel this way, that still gets to be okay.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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