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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » straight girl falling for gay guy

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Author Topic: straight girl falling for gay guy
jill kim
Member # 38068

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i am a straight girl. during my freshman year of highschool i found this guy really cute and attractive... and a few months later i found out he was gay so i backed off...

the middle of sophmore year i became close to this guy through a friend and we became very good friends. we had this sibling kind of bond. he admitted he was gay to me...and in the beginning i didnt mind...but now im afraid that im falling for him. he shows a lot of affection towards holding my hands, hugging me, putting his arm around my waist... if he doesnt mention cannot even tell if hes gay... i dont know what to do.

Posts: 7 | From: new york | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, generally, there's no way to tell anyone is gay or bisexual unless we say something or you notice our dating habits.

But if you know he's gay, then you know that it's probably not a bright idea to set yourself up to fall deeper for someone who is likely unavailable to you save as a friend. And if his physical affection is less of a comfort, and more of a sad reminder of what you want but can't have, you don't have to share physical affection just because he wants to.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jill kim
Member # 38068

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thank you for the advice that helps a bit. hes a great guy... but his close friends have told me that he has had relationships with girls that he has slept with girls... which makes me question a lot of things... but i guess i shouldnt be taking any chances.

i havent known him for too long... but at this point...we know each other so well.. and we cant spend like a day without talking to each other...even on weekends. hes so good to me... and he gets really jealous when im with other guys... whats going on?
there was this time where i was talking to one of these guys he knew...and the guy is very flirty so the guy was hitting on me...and my friend got so mad...
i thought he was joking at first but later he immed saying that im not affectionate towards him..and that he always has to initiate things... im extremely confused.

[ 04-19-2008, 12:14 AM: Message edited by: jill kim ]

Posts: 7 | From: new york | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35336

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It seems to me that it'd be a good idea to sit down with this guy and have a conversation. You can tell him that you're very confused about your relationship with him, and well, everything that you just said here.
Furthermore though, many gay guys have dated girls. Maybe he's bisexual, or maybe he was just trying to find out who he is, and what he liked. Maybe he finds women attractive, but knows he's truly attracted to men. It's a complex thing to analyze his mind, because well, you don't know what's going on up there without asking.
So, I don't think it would hurt to have a nice friendly conversation about how you're feeling and how he's feeling. Telling him you feel that he may be overprotective, or what have you, and how you feel about him as well is also an option.

And Heather's right, if you feel that you're falling deeper into a relationship that may cause you sadness, than it may be good to ask him not to be so affectionate towards you.

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jill kim
Member # 38068

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okay we've had a talk and he doesnt like me dating..or flirting with other guys.

one day he got drunk and called me and said "sometimes i wish you werent a girl" it got me really confused...either he is attracted to me or hes not.

when i asked what was going on... he said " i dont know... but i dont like it when you're with other guys"
he confuses me. the other day he hugged me from behind our of nowhere and tried to kiss me.

im not in check with my feelings for him yet... but i am attracted... im just confused. is he gay or bi? he claims he's gay...but the way he acts shows otherwise...

Posts: 7 | From: new york | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Member # 37530

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Well, I've had and do have many gay guy friends. Most of them were very, very affectionate, but to them, seeing as they were gay, it didnt seem much more than 'just a hug' or 'just a kiss' (not on the lips of course; it's always on the cheek/hand..), but I never took it in a 'more than a friendship' kind of way. I guess because Ive been brought up around many, many gay guys, which honestly, are 90% of the time attractive.

Now, if he truly is gay, he may have not realized it when he dated/had sex with girls, or maybe he was trying to prove to himself that he was not. Many gay guys do either or both..

As for him being/trying to be somewhat intimate with you.. I'm not exactly sure why GAY guys do this. My cousin had a really, really close guy friend who once told her, "I would turn straight if I could have you", and he was serious; however, she was all ready in a serious relationship with another guy, who she will be marrying in less than six weeks. It never made any sense to her. To this day, he still considers himself to be gay. So, your case may be along the same lines as my cousin and her friend, but then again, maybe not. Who knows though, he may be bi. Maybe once he realized he liked guys he drilled it into his head that he is gay, and he doesnt want to believe that he likes girls..

He also might be afraid that it will ruin your friendship if he ever tried dating you, and it didnt work because he was attracted to other guys. The possibities are really endless.

The best advice I can give you is talk to him about everything, and keep up your close bond. If things develop to be more than just a friend relationship, let them. If not, respect the fact that things are like that between you two, and keep the friendship you have with him, which is worth so much more than you could probably imagine.


Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27966

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(It might be helpful for everyone to remember that orientation is more than just a dichotomy between straight/gay. There are lots of places inbetween too, and people may sometimes move around between the two points as well. It's far more fluid than some people think.)


Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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