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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » confused about my sexuality

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Author Topic: confused about my sexuality
anongirl272
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Member # 36381

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Iím really confused about my sexuality and I have been for a while now. Itís really hard to write down how I feel because I really donít know. This is a simplified version of how I feel.

I really fancy a female friend of mine. Iíve had several lesser crushes on other girls as well and when I was younger I was obsessed with a female teacher (Iím not sure whether I had a crush on her or just looked up to her).

Iíve never been interested in boys. Iíve never had a boyfriend. Iíve never done anything sexual with a boy (or girl). And Iím 16!

I think I might be gay, but Iím not sure. Iíve told a few of my friends how Iím feeling. One of them thinks I should just get myself a boyfriend, but I donít really want to go out with someone that I donít like. Everyone (even people who know how I feel) keeps trying to set me up with boys, because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, which is really annoying.

Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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Member # 29292

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(Welcome to Scarleteen !)

Have you taken a look at this article here ?

A homosexuality primer guide

Also, I just want you to know that you are not the only 16 year-old girl on earth that haven't had a partner yet. There's plenty of other people in the same position as you. People just start dating at different ages, some just later than others and it's alright, we're all different. [Smile]

[ 02-20-2008, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BombShellDiva18
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i hope that everytthing works out for you and you find out what you really want. its okay if you decide to be with the same sex. i just hope for the best. Goood Luck

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Daphne

Posts: 1 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
anongirl272
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Member # 36381

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Thanks for the replies.
quote:
Originally posted by cool87:
Also, I just want you to know that you are not the only 16 year-old girl on earth that haven't had a partner yet.

It just feels like it. Nearly everyone else I know has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Even my mother is starting to ask why I don't have a boyfriend! She keeps on making jokes about me and a close male friend, which is really annoying.

I have looked at the article that you suggested, It was helpful. I have been reading lots of information about being gay on the internet. The thing about is these articles have to be written for two types of people, gay/bisexual people who aren't 100% sure and straight people who are sure either, and I'm never sure which one of these catogeries I fit into. I don't know whether to feel relieved that this is just a phase that lots of teenagers go through or think well I ticked a lot of those boxes so I must be gay. But I real want to know if I'm gay or not because I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to experiment with a girl to know if I like it, but I'm don't know any gay/bi girls, and its harder to find them if your not out. I'm scared that if I come out to people then decide that I'm straight after all then everyone will think I'm stupid. So its catch 22.

Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SMiNKLe
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Member # 37610

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I'm not sure how helpful I'll be, but I went through the same thing. I never had an interest in boys, but I definitely noticed girls. While other girls my age had been gossiping about the cutest guys since practically elementary school, I just sat there very bored and had nothing to say about the topic. I honestly did not find guys attractive at all, and I always felt like I missed some step in puberty where I was supposed to feel that way. So I told a few close friends (and actually some people guessed) that I "might be gay..?" I was fortunate enough to have friends that say it was okay and they didn't really care either way [Smile] I felt more comfortable knowing that I wouldn't lose good friends over this. So I took my time, about a year and a half or so, and one day it literally just hit me. I felt in my heart that I had the answer. I had never felt more free, because I finally knew myself and I found a new happiness with who I was. It was as though everything that held me back was broken and now I was free =) I hope you just give it some time and search inside yourself, because only you can know what you feel. =]
Posts: 6 | From: Texas | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ninette
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Member # 40275

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Hey, I know how you feel. I didn't have my first kiss 'til I was 15! Now I'm 19 and I still haven't had sex, and I don't feel that I'm too 'weird' or anything, it's just my preference to wait until I'm really involved with someone on an emotional level (and it's not that I haven't had offers [Smile] ). I don't think you should ever go out with someone just to say that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You'll just end up miserable and wrapped up in something that isn't even right for you. It's even okay to turn down someone you care about as a friend if you just aren't all that interested in them sexually or romantically. A couple of times I've had really close guy friends want to take things a step further with me and I just had to tell them I really didn't feel that way about them, although I'd thought about it.

Let things develop naturally: there's no need to experiment just because you feel pressed for time - there's definitely no deadline on sexuality, and no need to rush your feelings or experiences in any way. Also, you say your friends are concerned because you're 16 and have 'never had a boyfriend'?! I'd say 16 was about the earliest appropriate age for many people to start THINKING about their first 'steady' boy/girlfriend, and most people probably don't have a real, mature relationship until they're about 18 or even 25. Trust me, getting a boyfriend just to 'test' things out won't confirm anything about your sexuality, and may even confuse you more. If you don't like the experience, you may wonder whether it was him personally or his gender that turned you off, and if you do like him, that doesn't mean you might not ever be interested in a girl at some point.

Posts: 11 | From: North Dakota | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ninette
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P.S.

You say "I feel like I need to experiment with a girl to know if I like it, but I'm don't know any gay/bi girls, and its harder to find them if your not out. I'm scared that if I come out to people then decide that I'm straight after all then everyone will think I'm stupid. So its catch 22."

If you're really unsure, and you don't feel like you're denying some part of yourself by not telling the whole world, then I think it's fine to wait until you are in a situation where you would be lying if you said you weren't interested in the same sex. For instance, if you started dating a girl. Even then I don't think you have to label yourself as gay, straight, bi, or anything in-between. You could just say that at that point in time, yes, you are attracted to women.

I'm predominately attracted to guys but also to certain types of girls and I feel no need to 'come out' about it to my parents or most of my friends, because I'm not involved with a girl at the moment. I don't really even know whether I could truly consider myself bi. I just feel comfortable knowing what I like in another individual. Who knows if I'll ever be in a relationship with a girl? It all depends on the person.

Posts: 11 | From: North Dakota | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
littlegirllost
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by anongirl272:
Thanks for the replies.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by cool87:
But I real want to know if I'm gay or not because I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to experiment with a girl to know if I like it, but I'm don't know any gay/bi girls, and its harder to find them if your not out. I'm scared that if I come out to people then decide that I'm straight after all then everyone will think I'm stupid. So its catch 22.
[/QUO
i am totally w/ u on this one! i believe that i am bi but i dont know where to find a girl to "make sure" and where i live. you will be attacked if you are anything different, so im very afraid. but it can't just be me right?

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live and let live,
littlegirllost

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-Jill
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Just a general reminder that people are not science projects. It's okay to go on a date or into a relationship not quite sure how things are going to work out, in fact it's pretty much impossible not to, but it's another thing to use someone solely as a tool to help identify yourself.
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Lucky Star
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Member # 41719

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Hey sorry i've just joined this and I'm amazed as you've just described how I am feeling!

I'm nearly 17 and i've never had a boyfriend or had anything do to with boys and i feel like im attracted to boys and girls sometimes and don't know whether i;m bi straight or gay and it's really frustrating me...


Any advice?

Posts: 12 | From: Scotland | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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