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Author Topic: Back to the sexuality thing
SFgrrrl
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Okay, I know I've posted about this a few times, but I guess I am still looking for some sort of stronger response.

Here's another thing I've realized:

I like looking at women naked more than I like looking at men naked. On the other hand, I love guys who have hard chests (which I guess is a trait women don't really have) but when I see pictures of men completely naked, that just doesn't do anything for me.

Also, if I'm just deeply psychologically conditioned to be sort of repulsed by male genitals, whereas I don't have a problem with naked females/female genitals, mightn't that be one way of being gay?

Posts: 207 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
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Well, feeling unattracted to male genitals does not nessacarily equal queer. (As a side note, it's not very nice to imply that anyone's genitals are repulsive, even if you're not aroused by or attracted to them.) I think about sexual orientation as something defined by positives. For instance, just because a woman doesn't really "like like" men, it doesn't mean she's automatically a lesbian. A person is gay, lesbian, or bi if they are attracted to their same sex, not simply because they're uninterested in the opposite.

So, if you're wondering about your orientation? Ask yourself what you are attracted to, not what you aren't.

[ 11-28-2007, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: BiGoddess ]

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SFgrrrl
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I'm attracted to a lot of parts of guys (their upper-half, their voice, their face, their height, etc.) I'm just not attracted to their genitals. And I have no freaking clue what that means. And it makes me very frustrated.

And I didn't say male genitals were objectively repulsive, I said that I think I may be conditioned to be repulsed by them. The emphasis was on something about myself, there. Because I was just trying to be as accurate as possible. I think my feelings go beyond disinterest. It's not like: "oh, I'll try giving this blowjob, but I am not going to be really aroused by it" it's actual /dislike/, at least mentally. (And I can say that the time I've tried it wasn't really as distasteful as I expected it to be, although I certainly wasn't getting anything from it -it's more of a general nervousness/repulsion kind of thing that I have built up in my head)

At some point, aren't everyone's sexualities defined in part by negatives? I've heard a bunch of women say "guys are so much trouble I'd totally be gay, except that I find the idea of sex with another vagina repulsive". And men who identify as heterosexual talk about thinking gay sex is gross all the time. I may sort of believe that everyone's bi to some degree, but most people don't exactly agree with me...

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Heather
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quote:
At some point, aren't everyone's sexualities defined in part by negatives? I've heard a bunch of women say "guys are so much trouble I'd totally be gay, except that I find the idea of sex with another vagina repulsive". And men who identify as heterosexual talk about thinking gay sex is gross all the time. I may sort of believe that everyone's bi to some degree, but most people don't exactly agree with me...
I really don't think that it's sound to consider that our cultural misogyny and homophobia is somehow cornerstone in defining sexuality.

Certainly, we have huge problems with both, and they invade a lot of people's sexuality quite terribly, but that's hardly an ideal. It's a problem people need to address and work through.

But no, sexuality isn't defined by negatives. That's just not even sensible. Someone who says they really love people's legs loves legs because they love legs, not because they're repulsed by arms. Someone who loves oral sex loves oral sex because of how it feels, etc. not because they don't like something else.

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SFgrrrl
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I guess I made the mistake of making my examples both heterosexual. I also have known numerous gay women who thought men's bodies were gross, and gay men who thought women's bodies were gross.

Well anyway, I /do/ think I'm attracted to females. There was a woman on the bus today who I thought was pretty, and then I pictured myself making out with her and taking off her clothes.

And maybe I'm attracted to males too -my feelings about them are just... a lot more complex.

I was sort of wondering though, where does one go in San Francisco to meet young queer women? Are the lesbian clubs like the men's gay clubs in that they are mostly just places to go to hook up, or do people also go there looking for relationship?

A funny thing is, with men, I am very sexually submissive. When I picture myself with a woman, I picture myself being much more sexually aggressive (not that I couldn't be attracted to another woman who was sexually aggressive as well). I wonder if that's just cultural conditioning? Either way, I think it would be interesting to try out...

[ 11-30-2007, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: SFgrrrl ]

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SFgrrrl
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bump...
Posts: 207 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
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(Please don't bump threads when it's only been less than 24 hours. When someone has advice for you, they will answer- 24 hours is not a long time to wait, especially considering how much attention you've personally recieved from the volunteers.)

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Lea

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