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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » wondering which way to go

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Author Topic: wondering which way to go
blueschick
Neophyte
Member # 35143

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Hello, Iíve been coming out to my friends as a bisexual girl for a while now and to the ones that matter now but I just need some clarity if thatís possible I know I have a life time to figure this out but I want to figure it out so I can start dating soon. Ok so for the past ten years I have been exploring my sexuality like flirting with my gay female friends and I guess people call it spitting game to other females and Iíve tried to be in a relationship with a couple of girls but I canít until I know that I am confident in myself. Iíve never really been attacked to men like most females would be but I do like them. After being away from home for the past couple of months it is helping me understand why I am bi but I am really attacked to females. Like I would see myself with a female before ever think about dating a male and I know if I go the lesbian route and come out about that I canít take that back I know my family would be hurt to the point of not talking to me ever again until this PHASE was over. The other problem is that Iíve been in love with my best guy friend for awhile now and he knows that I am bi and that I love him but I just canít seem to bring myself to tell him that I am not into being with him in a straight relationship. So any advice would be nice to help me figure out my confused mind.
Posts: 4 | From: PA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I guess I'm a little confused about the way you're thinking.

In other words, if you choose to have a relationship with a woman, that isn't "going the lesbian route" unless you choose to only date women exclusively. If you're bisexual -- if you're attracted to men and women -- you're bisexual, and just like dating a man when you're bi doesn't mean you're heterosexual, dating a woman doesn't mean you're lesbian. Some bisexuals are 50/50 in their attractions, but many others are all over the map -- some are more sexually attracted to women, but more emotionally attracted to men, for instance, or vice-versa, or a LOT of other possible configurations.

Either way, though, you've really got to follow your own heart with this: who you date should be about who are are drawn to and care for and who cares for you back, not about who makes everyone else happy and THEN you. The you part (and the you-part for your partner) should always come before everyone's needs who isn't a part of those relationships.

If you do some to a point in your life and relationship where you're sure you're lesbian, rather than bisexual, being in any one relationship doesn't require you come out to everyone as lesbian or commit yourself to that orientation before it's something you feel certain about or good about.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blueschick
Neophyte
Member # 35143

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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
I guess I'm a little confused about the way you're thinking.

In other words, if you choose to have a relationship with a woman, that isn't "going the lesbian route" unless you choose to only date women exclusively. If you're bisexual -- if you're attracted to men and women -- you're bisexual, and just like dating a man when you're bi doesn't mean you're heterosexual, dating a woman doesn't mean you're lesbian. Some bisexuals are 50/50 in their attractions, but many others are all over the map -- some are more sexually attracted to women, but more emotionally attracted to men, for instance, or vice-versa, or a LOT of other possible configurations.

Either way, though, you've really got to follow your own heart with this: who you date should be about who are are drawn to and care for and who cares for you back, not about who makes everyone else happy and THEN you. The you part (and the you-part for your partner) should always come before everyone's needs who isn't a part of those relationships.

If you do some to a point in your life and relationship where you're sure you're lesbian, rather than bisexual, being in any one relationship doesn't require you come out to everyone as lesbian or commit yourself to that orientation before it's something you feel certain about or good about.


Posts: 4 | From: PA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
Activist
Member # 27966

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(Did you mean to type something there at the end, blueschick?)

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Lea

Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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