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Author Topic: i can't even BEGIN to find a title for this..
hellokitty17
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Y'know... I DON'T think I care anymore what anyone thinks of me.

When I was little I used to have my hair longer to make people think I was more girly than I really was (I'm starting to consider myself a bit more les now...).
Well anyways, then it got to the point it WAS major long since like 4th grade (now in 11th...).

And now I really want to chop it all off. Like... rilly rilly short, but everyone in my family's pretty, erm... mad. lol.
And they all seem ignorant to the fact I'm pretty much, well, guy-ish.

Soo... I guess you could say I'm having trouble transitioning (ie cutting hair..), and having trouble making them accept me for who I even am.

I mean... my dad seems MAJOR in denial, (I don't have a mom..), and my sister seems to take stabs at laughing at me. [Frown]

Well.... any suggestions may help...
and ya, though, if I WERE to cut it short it might be a bit more of a bother like having to straighten it and stuff, but I don't really care... I'd rather it that way, anywhoozers, and I've worn it long/back the same style seven years; I'm sick of it. [Frown]

OH YEAH AN EDIT: I'm pretty much transexual (feel like I should be a guy..), been that way since I was little. (Every birthday pretty much I wished to be a guy...). But NO I don't think I'd ever like.. take it a step further with surgery, at least not now anyhow... >.<;;;;;

[ 07-02-2007, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: hellokitty17 ]

--------------------
what makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me slip into you

Posts: 74 | From: BOBD | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
racheal
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hmm...well i think that u should do in your heart what makes you happy. your parents natural reaction to this is just as they are doing.

Im sure that every parent to a baby girl wants them to be frilly and "normal" as u will..but no body knows what normal is..there is no definition to the word when speaking about one's personality or traits.

"To each their own." and if they cant except it..then who cares. sure you be put down and laughed at by your family, but thats just one phase in your life. BE YOU!! whoever that is however that is. be yourself. in the real world outside of stupid high school and manipulating family comments and "concerns" (ha) nothing matters but how you feel inside how you feel about yourself.

Dont let anyone say this is how u should or shouldnt be! only u know whats best for you. you will live with yourself for the rest of your life. so who cares what they think. if u dont want long hair frilly dresses ect ect..cut your hair wear what u want.

i want to share this with you..

When you get what u want
in your struggle for self
and the world makes you king for a day
go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your mother, brother or friends
whose judgment you must pass
The person whose verdict counts the most in your life
is the one staring back in the glass

You can go down the pathway of years receiving pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you cheated the guy in the glass.

I read that a long time ago and decided i needed to keep it. many times people try and construct you the way they think u should be..but remember be who u truly are and there will be no regrets. [Smile]
good luck

--------------------
thank u

Posts: 15 | From: florida | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hellokitty17
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I'm not even sure WHY really, but I almost cried to that... ^^;
Probably for having something to relate to... probably cause I'm all a bundle of nerves lately, what do I know?... ^^;;

ha! The answer must sound so easy/clear, though, for people looking IN to my situation, but to be in it never *feels* that flippin easy.... Like right now, even, I'm still so scared... call it pre-hair cut jitters that'd happen to anyone, but I think it more as fear to accept the, er, man-ishness further.....

And every day the thought of telling my sister I'm trans grows closer every day... and yet further every day....
Closer cause I'm just bursting to tell someone, ANYONE, in my family, so maybe they might understand WHY it is I do what I do....
And yet further cause I'm scared if she knows she'll just use it against me/laugh or something, idk.... I can just see that happening, though, ^^;;;;

And... as for living with regrets, that sounds like my whole LIFE. lol.

--------------------
what makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me slip into you

Posts: 74 | From: BOBD | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
racheal
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I understand what u mean by me being on the outside looking in..but i have learned a lot through my own eyes and personal exp.that what im saying is true.

I understand the feeling and need to want to reach out with something serious as this, i know how stressful it is to keep it in when u just want to get it out and tell someone.

as for regrets...i spent four years of my life regretting the life altering decisions i made when i was younger..but then i learned... life altering? yes...im a different person now because of the things i used to regret and look down on myself about. but u live and u learn. without mistakes and "regrets" you'll never learn you'll never grow, so take them as learning experiences and move on. stop regretting. use them in a positive way [Smile]

when you truly are ready to tell your sister you will know it, it may not be until years from now but you'll know. and you'll be happy and relieved you did. again...worry about yourself and whats inside of u [Smile]
good luck

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thank u

Posts: 15 | From: florida | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hellokitty17
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hahaha. Well LAST summer I admitted a ton of stuff to her... just a gnawing feeling in me, wondering if this one'd be the same. ^^;;;;

And dang... I'm not sure WHICH regrets I've had/which ones for how long, but four years IS long....

Still... *sighs*. It IS kinda hard to like... idk, GET certain things when you lack experience.... guess that means I'm a lil less wise than you... in some areas, at least. ^^;;;;

--------------------
what makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me slip into you

Posts: 74 | From: BOBD | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ametrine
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hair grows back, if you cut it and hate it (hair, transgender or both) just let it go back to the way it was. i truely wish you well in sorting out your problem and send support your way. : )
Posts: 6 | From: Durango, Colorado | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Austere
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For me the best test was "do I like what I see when I stand infront of the mirror naked [like after a shower or whatever] and if the answer is no, well, that should point you in the right direction. It's the test I used, and now I'm much happier for it. [Big Grin]

(I'm a MtF trans... Hormones for 29 months.)

Posts: 25 | From: Atlanta | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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