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Author Topic: is it bad????
FuNnY
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Ok so i go to an all girls school and im in year 10. GIRLS hug all the time and they hug me too im not sure what it is but girls just hug, my school is like a hugging army haha anyway the point of me writing this is my friends and familly dont know that im a lesbian and everytime they hugg me i feel really guilty.

I think i feel this way because they dont know and it makes me wonder if they would still hug me if they knew.
Do people act the same way if they know your gay/bi or wateva????

cuz these days when my mum, aunties or anyone wants a hug i feel like saying im a lesbian and seeing what theyre reaction is, would they still act the same way around me?

do people not only act iffernt around u when they know but do they speek differnt to you? like ur an alian or something, cuz your not 'one of them' anymore.

Any advice would be awsome, [Smile]

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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orca
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I really think it depends on the person. I'd like to think that no, people don't act different and they treat you the same as always, but I know that with some people that isn't the case. It depends on their upbringing and their view of homosexuality and bisexuality. I don't think you should feel guilty about hugging someone though. It's just a hug, nothing bad. I can't speak from my own personal experience since I'm not a lesbian or bi, but I never treat someone differently if I find out they are gay or bi. Someone's sexual orientation has nothing to do with them as a person.
So maybe they will act differently around you for a bit if they found out you are a lesbian, but if they really love you and care about you then they'll get over it and treat you the same as before.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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FuNnY
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Thanks for your response orca, i really hope that yoour right and no one treats me differnently, though going to a catholic school i know if some teachers found out theyd send me to the stupid phsyciatrist, thats their way of fixing the problem.

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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orca
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Oh wow. I'm really sorry you have to go through that. I always assumed that it couldn't get any worse than it is Alabama, but time and time again I've been proven wrong.

You don't have to be open about your sexuality if you don't want to. The truth is that it's your business and no one elses. If you really think that you would get treated that badly where you are right now, then you can always wait until you feel more comfortable. Coming out should be something you do when you are comfortable.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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FuNnY
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yer it can be pretty bad at this school mainly because so many people are having sex with guys and then they say are u a virgin and why? and i just dont no wat to say. Teachers are so dumb sometimes too, u probably might know that already.

I think il just keep it to myselfe and wait and see, but thanks to this web site its given me great confidence and i reckon if someone asked i could tell them the trouth proudly [Smile] [Smile]


thanks again for your help its been really great to talk to someone [Smile] .

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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everyone i have told dont treat me any different. if anything we are closer and we still hug everytime we meet LOL.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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FuNnY
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LoL sounds like it went ok with you then :)Do people still talk to you like they always have? were any of your friends really against Gays/les wathavu and let you know it before you came out of the closet and then didnt know what to say when u did come out? cuz i have a bit of a feeling some of my friends might respond that way, i know my family would.
if so how did you deal with those people who are disgusted in the thought????
:S

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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Surferchk07
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You know I got to say if they dont want to treat you the same with you come out then they were never your real friends.
I've had about one friend out of all my friends basically talk to me a bit different or tell me that im going thru a "phase" (which is hilarious if you ask me, life is a phase basically so were always going thru phases)
But everyone else I told, they treat me the same. We still go out to the movies together as friends would, we still give hugs when someone needs a hug. They know that I dont see them as a future relationship, I only see them as my friend. So they dont worry.

When people say crap to you, you jus have to ignore it and walk away. Its the safest and best bet to get them to shut up the fastest.

As for your family, Just tell them that you love them very much and your telling them this so they can know the real you, and your tired of hiding it from them. Tell them you were worried they may hate you and you dont want to lose them cause they mean the world to you.
That normally works and thats what I told my mom when I told her I was a lesbian.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

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orca
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Surfer,
Bah, I hate the phase thing. Granted, I'm not a lesbian or bi, but I've been told that I'm just "going through a phase" many times in regards to my religious views or lack thereof. I think that's more infuriating than when people try to argue with you about your beliefs because they just dismiss it so casually. Ok, preventing myself from a rant. [Smile]

Try telling them that being straight is just a phase and eventually evolution will get rid of that phase. [Wink]

Honestly, I find humor is the best way to deal with tough situations. You don't have to be rude about it, but you can be witty and leave them speechless. Plus you amuse yourself at the same time so you'll almost always end up smiling in the end.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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FuNnY
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Wow you guys have some dam good ideas on how to deal with this stuff. The family one (surferchk07) is a good guide line for me thanks heeps, i had no idea wat i was gunna say to them [Smile] And that phase stuff sounds like a funny line to give to a few of the more popular girls i no will give me **** lol

On a more serious note, the friend thing, i guess ud be right that they mustnt be true friends if thats what theyd do, fingers crossed theyre all accepting. [Smile]

Thanks everyone who rote on this page for your help, ive been taking notes so il remember everything hahaha
.again thank you.

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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Yeah, everyone talks to me the same, and acts the same.
ive only told one family member and that was the only person to pull the "phase" thing.
but my friends dont care LOL.

but i might of had it easier coz most of my friends are gay or bi LOL.
but there are straight ones who know and dont care.
i wouldnt say they were against it though.
it didnt really matter at our school. no one cared LOL.

but yeah ive had those homophobic comments from my parents so im not gonna tell them yet haha

xx

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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FuNnY
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Yer dang parants and there coments lol
Dont you just wish theyd read something and just know with out any discussion or anything, and then EVERYONE friends and all just knew over night and you were confronted the next day and then that was the end of the hole coming out thing!!!
Probly not gunna happen eh [Frown] (fingers crossed)

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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LOL.

i know. i wish people would just know. instead of having to tell them one by one.

although i have a sneaking susppition my mum has read my diary LOL. so im guessing she knows hahaha.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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FuNnY
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Hahaha i spose thats probly a good thing in a way, at least you might not have to tell her now eh.
maybe i should leave my diary sitting out LOL it could work [Smile]

Do you reckon theres a way to sneak it out LOL like with nothing suss, so its like they find out rather then you having to tell them???

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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hahaha.
i think ive made it pretty obvious without telling her straight up.
for a start i have HEAPS of pictures of actresses or female singers over my walls hehehe. and no guys.
i talk about my fav actress of the week all the time. its never a guy lol.

maybe if u want her to find out on her own leave something lying around that hints at it.

ive done that heaps of times, but not on purpose LOL. i just dont think before i leave it and walk out the room. haha.
or make a fake diary and write things in it.
although mine wasnt fake haha. and i had it in a drawer, so she must of looked for it. :/
and it has some pretty embarrassing things written in it bahaha.

also other things that probably tip me off, is my collection of gay movies and tv shows on dvd >_> hehe.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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FuNnY
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LOL sounds like your pretty good at giving people a hint at it!
Thanks for the pointers today i started talking about one of the girls from my footy team and didnt realise who i was talking to, got a bit carried away by saying how hot n stuff she is lol i think it might have tipped her off a bit hahaha. also my aunty just had a baby and said something to me like when are you gunna have kids lol i nearly flew out the door !!!!

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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LOL
its pretty funny, coz pretty much everything i do that hints at it, i dont even realise im doing.

haha. i did that too, i always talk about the girl i like to my mum. (i dont tell her i like her) but i think its getting pretty obvious coz i mention her every chance i get hahaha.
and it was so bad, we ran into the girl i like at the shops and my mum was with me, and i turned into this complete nervous babbling wreck then second i saw her LOL.
i wonder if my mum has put 2 and 2 together yet LOL.

gah! people always say the kids thing to me. and the husband. blergh. its usually my mum, dad or aunty LOL.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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FuNnY
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Hahahaha thats so funny, Its hard to control those feelings isnt it and its hard not to let them show too hehe

Yer family dont really get it but its not too bad eh! dont really care what they think LOL even if it gets annoying, though with them not knowing it makes me giglle all the time when people mention stuff like boyfriends and kids haha

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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innocent_eyes
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haha i know. i just laugh at them when they say the husband and kids thing now.
although at school i could pass off the boyfriend thing as i was focusing on schoolwork. but now that ive graduated i have no excuses hahaha.

LOL. i know. i cant control myself. all i do is smile and giggle when im around her haha. she probably thinks im the biggest loser.
and i wonder if my mum noticed that for like hours after we saw her, i was still smiling haha.
its pretty bad though, coz ive only met this girl 3 times and 2 of those times i was with my mum haha. shame.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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PenguinBoy
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If you really are considering setting something up to hint your sexuality to your family, I'm pretty dubious about that working.

Surely they're likely to confront you if you do that, in which case you'll have to say it to them anyway. Which, if you're prepared to do, you might as well just go for that in the first place, and know exactly what you're going to say and without having to explain that you made a fake diary(!).

(BTW, there is a bit of a lengthy conversation going on here between you two and it's gone a bit off topic, I get that you are bing sociable, but this thread was supposed to be helping footy_chick and this does make it very difficult to guess whether the things you're saying are serious, or you're joking
Heather's words on the Village People sticky sums it up quite well {click})

[ 05-15-2007, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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FuNnY
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Yer i spose you are right in that i may as well just tell em but i know that i wont have the guts to say it strait out like that and il need a bit of provoking, if u know what i mean, just for them to start the conversation and then me go on with it.

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A day without laughter is a day wasted :)

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PenguinBoy
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You can do it if you really want to. The truth.

If you really want to come out, you don't HAVE to, you have got all the bones and muscles to march up to someone and tell them.

It's not the only option though...

I tend to think that if people assume that I'm a certain restricted sexuality that's their problem. I don't need to "confess" when I've done nothing wrong. And if they ask me I tell them how I see myself, which is what you were saying about your parents.

So you could follow a similar tact if you wished.

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innocent_eyes
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oops sorry lol.

but some people just cant be the one that starts a conversation like that. i know i couldnt.
i know my mum suspects me now that ive given clues, so i think its given her time to see that im serious. instead of sitting there going...im gay. and having her go on about its a "phase" and as a big shock.
i think shes slowly come to terms with it.

im just waiting for her to bring it up to me lol.

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xoxox All you need is Love xoxox

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SnowLhite
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If they're really your friend they shouldn't have a problem with it. Even if their homophobic or whatever then if they really care about you they'll get over it.
Heck, my best friend and I still hug, kiss cheeks, hold hands and walk arm in arm - there's nothing sexual to it, although people who don't know us sometimes give us looks but that doesn't matter.

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PenguinBoy
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quote:
Originally posted by innocent_eyes:
oops sorry lol.

but some people just cant be the one that starts a conversation like that. i know i couldn't.
i know my mum suspects me now that i've given clues, so i think its given her time to see that im serious. instead of sitting there going...im gay. and having her go on about its a "phase" and as a big shock.
i think shes slowly come to terms with it.

im just waiting for her to bring it up to me lol.

I hope I didn't sound pushy.

I am just weary that things can get unpredictable if you make a strategy to come out by way of concocted hints, as it leaves a lot to chance, and any old thing could go wrong.

However you're also right that it is easier if people can work it out for themselves.

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