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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Why cant this be easier?

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Author Topic: Why cant this be easier?
mycorneroftheworld
Neophyte
Member # 32520

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Well first off, im new to the boards. [Big Grin]

and second I know the only one who can truly tell my sexuality is me. But I guess I just need somewhere to talk this about.

First off im 18

Back in September, when i was 17, I got my first boyfriend, granted we only last 3 weeks, and I liked the whole idea that I was haveing a boyfriend and the whole normal high school life but I hated having to kiss him. During this time (and before i meet him) I was doubting my sexuality. Here I am; 18 and I have no clue what its like to have a crush on a guy---celebrity or not. To just have the "omg, hes so cute feeling." But yes Ive had that feeling with a couple girls (especially with celebs)

So in October I decided to tell me mom that I might be gay. That I know im young but Im not quite sure of my sexuality. She didnít care and she said she sorta expected something because I had strong feelings towards gay rights.

And then in November I meet this guy who I have now been dating since the day I meet him. I like being with him and hanging out, and I love the idea that im fitting in with people my age (my whole life all ive ever wanted to do was just do what other teens are doing and being a "normal" teen). But then thereís the reason I donít like getting together with him; I donít like the whole kissing part. and I guess hes a cute guy and all. (I mean my friend really though he was cute). But I still just donít feel like I truly like him in that way. my mom asked me "so do you like him" and i said "I like to hangout with him but Im not all have a crush on him."

I donít know what im saying. Im just so confused...I want to feel what he probably feels with me so bad. But I donít know...I just want to know what its like to just see the guy you like and be all butterflyís in stomach and you just cant get enough of him.

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Is this my life cause it happened so fast? Is this the bed I chose to make? Is this the girl I want to be? All I want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but not feel scared.

Posts: 6 | From: California | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hijol
Neophyte
Member # 31877

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Well, love can't be forced.

Have you ever had any sexual activities with a female? Or have you just been with guys most of the time?

So, do you consider this "boyfriend," more as a good friend, or do you actually want this to work? You can't push yourself to love him. Let your heart decide.

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Does true love exist?

Posts: 32 | From: Earth | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
not_a_hobgoblin
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Member # 29206

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I think (and I'm just speculating here) that you're in love with the idea of love. Which is all well and good, but if there's no spark, no chemistry, if males in general and this male in particular simply don't sexually excite you? Then it's going to be impossible to have a 'normal', functional sexual relationship with your boyfriend. No fault of yours. It's just the way you're wired.

(It might help you to remember that normal is just a concept, and that the things that make you not normal are the things that make you unique.)

It sounds like your mom is okay with your questioning; if you feel comfortable, I'd really suggest bringing some of this up with her. Or with a trusted friend. Even if they haven't ever been quite where you've been, they love you and they want to help you. Home support is good. :-)

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"Cut her down."
"She is a witch!"
"But she's our witch. Cut her down."

Posts: 174 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mycorneroftheworld
Neophyte
Member # 32520

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quote:
Originally posted by Hijol:
Well, love can't be forced.

Have you ever had any sexual activities with a female? Or have you just been with guys most of the time?

So, do you consider this "boyfriend," more as a good friend, or do you actually want this to work? You can't push yourself to love him. Let your heart decide.

First question: No and ive only been with 2 guys.

2nd question: Were dating, he calls me his girlfriend and such. So were more then friends but I just dont really think of him like that (the way he thinks of me)

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Is this my life cause it happened so fast? Is this the bed I chose to make? Is this the girl I want to be? All I want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but not feel scared.

Posts: 6 | From: California | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
plain milyeh
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sounds like this guy is a really awesome friend. also kind of sounds like you might be giving him the impression that you're more into the whole dating him thing than you really are.

my advice would be to try to be honest without losing him as a friend. and as tricky as that sounds, it's probably easier if you do the honesty thing sooner rather than later.

my best friend was with a girl for two months just before he came out. yes, it was kind of awkward between them for a few weeks afterwards, but you know what? they had a solid friendship, and they got over it, and they get along swimmingly now. and nobody has to kiss anybody they're not attracted to (your friend telling you he's cute doesn't quite count), and nobody has to be led on unfairly.

Posts: 108 | From: caaaaanada. ('cause we've got rocks and trees and trees and rocks...) | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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