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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » parents in denial

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Author Topic: parents in denial
Member # 30788

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so.. yeah.. i'm bi.. my parents don't really know... but i don't really hide it very well... well i have a girlfriend... and ya know.. with MySpace now a days you can find anyone.. well my mother thinks that my girlfriend and i are just friends... she's only met her once... but i am always talking to her... so my mom was suspecting.. so she decided to get onto MySpace and check out just who my new friend is... well my girlfriend is a lesbian.. and proud of it... so her MySpace definately doesnt hide it.. so my mom asked me about it.. and i told her that i wanted to talk to her about it later... (i was talking to her on AIM at the time... then she asked "talk about what?" i told her that i might be Bi... she said "what do you mean?" and i told her that i like my friend/girlfriend... then my mum told me not to confuse friendship with something else... i'm not confused... not in the least... does that sound like denial to anyone else? the sooner someone gets back to me the better... thanks...
oh and sorry 'bout writing a novel

Peace, Love, Empathy

Posts: 17 | From: Pa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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InKeepSecrets, I just noticed your post now; sorry for taking so long! It's been a week since you wrote, so I first wanted to ask how this was going? Did you and your mom have that talk?

Here's an article on coming out in general, in case you haven't read it yet:

I think you'd be hardpressed to find anyone here who'd say you're in denial for having a girlfriend. [Smile] It seems that your mom isn't opposed to people being queer (?), but that she seems to want to you be. Because it seems that a lot of people (such as parents) still don't take bisexuality seriously. Because your mom recognizes being gayy means dealing with a lot more crap from society.

Not that it makes her telling you "not to confuse friendship with something else" is ok. It does sound like she knows you're together and she's just sounds like she's trying to convince herself. (I've heard these arguments from my well-meaning-if-a-bit-off-at-times mother, too.)

I'd talk to your mom about this directly. She may not accept it (immediately), but I think over time she'd become more understanding. (Not that it doesn't suck in the meantime!) But I'm glad that at least you're feeling ok about your orientation. [Smile]

Showing her these articles might help her understand, too. I think a lot of people's bias against bi people is from misunderstanding and lack of information.

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32456

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Something similar happened to me, although not quite the same...

I asked my mother what her reaction would be if I told her I was gay, and she said she wouldn't believe me. I guess she thinks she can tell or something.

This was a long time ago, before I really began suspecting that I am attracted to women, so I'm not sure if I should tell her or not, or just let her figure it out when/if I bring a girlfriend home. If I would even have the courage to :-(

"We are all born naked, and the rest is drag." --RuPaul

Posts: 19 | From: New York City | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32276

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I think its automatic that most parents go into some form of denial. My mother did the same thing. Saying I go thru "phases in my life" and that I "Constently am changing who I an every few years". Too which I told her "Im a lesbian mom, Ive known I was a lesbian since I was a kid. I was born a Lesbian, I just kept it from you cause I didnt want to make you uncomfortable".
After like 2 weeks of her denial issues shes finally accepted it and is sweet about everything with me. She even asked me how everything was going in my relationship I was in and I just broke up with my gf the other night and my mom was the one letting me vent to her about my fustrations with my x.

You just got to be who you are and if you accept yourself your family will eventually accept you too.


"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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