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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » HELP! everybody hates me!

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Author Topic: HELP! everybody hates me!
Joga Bonito
Member # 30790

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I'm bi, at least I think I am. Nobody knows that I'm bi, because I know that all my family and friends would hate me for it. In hypothetical situations, both my parents said that they would kick out any of their children that was gay. All of my brothers and sisters hate gay people too. Most of my friends are homophobic as well, some of them even think that homsexuality is a mental disorder! (ridiculous, I know) And to top it all off, I'm Catholic, and my parents are very religious, and the Catholic chruch has all but damned to hell all homosexuals. Ain't life grand?

I just feel like theres nowhere to turn, and no one to talk to. Oh, and as if my life doesn't suck enough I'm still trying to get over crushing on one of my really good friends, who is straight, but just broke up with her boyfriend. It's like shes teasing me or something, I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is: HELP!

sometimes, all you can do is laugh

Posts: 20 | From: Texas | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

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I know Texas... that's got to be tough.

First off, you've got lots of folks to talk to here. They can give you all kinds of feedback, ideas, and tell you about their personal experiences with similar situations. So don't feel as if you've got nobody in your corner!
You do.

If your friends are homophobic, then that's too bad for them. They're missing out on a really close friendship with you - in terms of them allowing you to be honest about who you are as a person, and not feel intimidated by their homophobia- and they're condeming people out of hand. Not cool.

With family it's tough. I have two guy friends who are gay, both from conservative communities (one is Catholic). One came out to his family - and he had the same experiences as you're thinking you will have. His family gave him the silent treatment for a while. But then they gradually realized that

a. he's their son and they're in some way obligated to take care of him
b. he's a good man and they raised him to be that way; therefore they must have done something "right" in raising him. Ergo his being gay is not "wrong."
c. he isn't a different/strange person as a result of being gay. fundamentally he is the same person that they've known for 23 years. He just happens to be gay/questioning.

My other friend is Catholic - a liberal one, which is cool. There are other gay Catholics out there. And there are straight Catholics who have absolutely no problem with GLBTQ people.

As far as your straight friend goes, she may be absolutely oblivious to your crushing on her.

Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Joga Bonito
Member # 30790

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The other week I was talking to one of my friends named Carrie about out people in our school. Carrie told me that she had been really good friends with this one girl before she found out that the girl was gay. Then Carrie said that she just slowly started distancing herself from the girl, and now they don't talk at all. I would hate for that to happen if I came out to her because she is one of my best friends.

The problem I have with my family is that we're not really close, at all. I talk to my sister (who is in college) a couple times a month, but the only time my dad talks to me is when he's asking for my report card, and my mom and my older brother don't talk to me at all. If they already don't like me, I'm afraid of what they'll do once they have a reason to hate me, you know what I mean?

I actually kind of hope that my friend doesn't doesn't know that I like her, because it would make things even more awkward.

sometimes, all you can do is laugh

Posts: 20 | From: Texas | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd sure like to think that maybe Carrie is bright enough to have at least thought about having lost a friend because of her own homophobia.

Maybe the two of you could talk about that situation from a more critical standpoint, one where you ask her to question WHY she did that, and question her own bias in doing that?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30818

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hey im Catholic 2 and im bi,my family is also very religious but i cnt hide how i feel just because they would'nt accepted me ,dat most important thing in life is being happy ourself why do you called yourself bi ?? you like guys and girls ..or just girls ?? have you ever experience something with a girl?? before coming out on your family you have to be sure about your feelings ,you know if your lesbian or bi!! there's nothing wrong with dat, i know dat its confusing and hard just to think about your family reaction but at the end they will understand ,always look for your own happiness withput thinking about what will people say about you!!!hope it helps ..wish you luck
Posts: 13 | From: canada | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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