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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Identity

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Author Topic: Identity
SnowLhite
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Well, what is your label?
How do you identify?
Gay, straight, lesbian, bi, queer, pan, asexual, het, homo...
What?
Why?

Personally I quite like to think of myself as "squigly" [Smile]
I'm a bit of an oddball and feel it suits me: I'm not straight, not gay, I dun't like "bi" and "pan" would just require too much explanation. It also allows me to define my sexuality in a way that is appropriate for both myself and the situation without anybody having a previous concept for it that could possibly influence their understanding.

So, how about you, what do reffer to yourself as?
What are your feelings towards the different labels?
Share with us.
[Wink]

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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catalinacisne
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If other people ask me, I say I'm bi, just because it's simpler that way. I indentify as "fluctuating between a 2 and a 4 on the Kinsey scale" (hence why 'bi' is simpler), and am currently moe on the 2 side of the spectrum.

For some reason I absolutely hatehatehatehate the term 'queer,' and since everytime I check there's been a new letter added to GLBTQ, I refer to those who are not straight as just that, 'not straight'. Instead of saying "that's discriminatory against the queer community," I say "that's discriminatory against people who aren't straight."

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amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

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SnowLhite
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I have similar feelings towards the word queer in any use other than to mean "odd"
It seems to imply that there's something "wrong" with "queer" people... which there isn't. I think the only more offensive label to non-straights is the F-word (no, the other one) and it's abbreviation.
I like your method of avoiding "queer"

I also like Miz S' definition of her sexuality in another thread.
I think it went along the lines of
"I'm attracted to people for whatever reason I'm attracted to them"

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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Mina
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I don't like the word queer, either. Well, actually, I love it, just not when its discribing people who aren't straight.
I identify as a lesbian, because its easier than saying..."I'm very attracted to women, very slightly attracted to men, but I would date a man if I found him attracted and had feelings for him and such.." ...Yeah. Or, of course, I could say, I'm a lesbian with an open mind, but then that kind of makes me sound...greedy? sl----? I don't know. Lesbian is the easiest thing...
End long and basically pointless rant.

--------------------
In a city created with
a perfection calculation,
there is only one truth. I love you.

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feefiefofemme
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If someone asks me my sexual orientation, I'll usually say that I'm attracted to people, not to genders. But if someone asks me to but an actual name to my orientation, I'll say I'm bi.
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Mina
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quote:
Originally posted by BiGoddess:
If someone asks me my sexual orientation, I'll usually say that I'm attracted to people, not to genders. But if someone asks me to but an actual name to my orientation, I'll say I'm bi.

I like that...

--------------------
In a city created with
a perfection calculation,
there is only one truth. I love you.

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samantha357
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quote:
Originally posted by Mina:
quote:
Originally posted by BiGoddess:
If someone asks me my sexual orientation, I'll usually say that I'm attracted to people, not to genders. But if someone asks me to but an actual name to my orientation, I'll say I'm bi.

I like that...
me 2... sorry, that was probably pointless to post, but there it is...

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"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

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Djuna
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BiGoddess... you know thanks for contributing and everything but I think we probably realised you were closest to being bi.
But as for the other thing you said, I'm attracted to people too. I dunno - I'm not attracted to guys but I'm attracted to only very few girls. It's like very specific what I find attractive - great friend, nice eyes etc.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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feefiefofemme
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quote:
BiGoddess... you know thanks for contributing and everything but I think we probably realised you were closest to being bi.
And so I'm not allowed to put in my two cents? Way to make a girl feel welcome, eh?
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Djuna
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Sorry, just joking, seriously! [Smile] Didn't mean to cause ANY offence at all.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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fonz
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i dont like labels. i just want to be myself, why isn't that enough. but hey hows this for a way to describe my sexuality: "innapropriatly straight" [Wink]

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Nothing is right, but its perfect

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feefiefofemme
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No offence taken. : ) I was just sayin'.
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SnowLhite
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lol.
Nice one fonz!

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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fonz
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i wasnt offended bigoddess,
its an interesting topic actually [Smile]
just at the moment well - its a bit of a headwrecker for me.
im normally not entirely sure how to answer it but ya i think i've finally fit the bill!

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Nothing is right, but its perfect

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The Wonderer
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I don't know, I'm currently not open yet. I haven't even decided what to come out as yet! This is what I DO know:

I would go all the way with guys, and I wouldn't do anything past making out with girls. So, I guess that would make me Bi, leaning toward guys.

Problem is, I just don't like the word "bi", it just seems so derogitory (I truely mean no offense to those who are), so I'll probably come out as a gay guy who would still date girls. Doesn't gay really mean prefering guys to girls?

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not_a_hobgoblin
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I have a love/hate relationship with labels, and since I also am not out anywhere but here, it hasn't been a problem for me. I typically would identify as lesbian, but then I think about the one and only guy who ever got under my skin...
some bi tendecies, perhaps? *shrug*

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"Cut her down."
"She is a witch!"
"But she's our witch. Cut her down."

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SnowLhite
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I'm also another closet case myself. I'm not out, but if somebody opened the door I wouldn't hesitate to take a step - although I'll need some super-awesome sunglasses for the bright light! [Wink]
That's mostly because I have the opinion that nobody should assume another's sexual prefferences, so why should I go around anouncing I'm attracted to both sexes (for now that's how I see it, I've not had experience with the alternatives to say that I just like people - and I don't mean as in sex, I mean as in knowing somone) because that implies that I think its something unusual that requires anouncing and parading all over the show...
Plus it saves me the hassle of having to fight off the biphobia myths.

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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Djuna
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A lot of people I know seem to think that bisexuality is a very new thing, while there has always been homosexuality. I've got no personal experience of either, although I have a friend who's bisexual. It seems to me (please correct me if I'm wrong) that since society is a lot more open and accepting now, people are probably at the stage to 'come out' before they've completely decided on their sexuality (with bisexuality being a phase where people make their mind up). Of course, for all I know, this could be rubbish, so let me know if this is on the right lines or not. [Wink]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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wobblyheadedjane
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While the labels themselves are very new things, I think you'd find that what we call bisexuality is pretty ancient. Think of Greek soldiers and heroes who would pair up with a fighting buddy for the years of war (Odysseus was one) but had a wife too. In the Bible, the word 'kiss' is only used for men kissing other men, or women kissing other women - King David and Jonathan are pretty famous, though David had a wife.

But I do think that there are people, here and in the world, that would take offense to having their bisexuality deemed a phase. I've settled down with a male partner but that doesn't negate my sexual and romantic attraction to women.

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Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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feefiefofemme
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"It seems to me (please correct me if I'm wrong) that since society is a lot more open and accepting now, people are probably at the stage to 'come out' before they've completely decided on their sexuality (with bisexuality being a phase where people make their mind up)."

Nope. While this may be the case for some people, for the large majority of people who identify as bisexual, this isn't the case. I think where this idea comes from is that, in the end, most people settle down in a monogamous relationship. If it's a same-sex relationship, people tend to assume that both people are gay/lesbian. However, just as you can have a girlfriend and still be attracted to Angelina Jolie, you can have a girlfriend and be attracted to Johnny Depp too. It's not a matter of who you're partnered with, so much as it's a matter of who you're attracted to.

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Heather
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Actualy, most people ID as heterosexual before they've even BEGUN to explore their sexuality and relationships, and before they've really even started any real process of personal identity.

So, really, you have people "coming out" all the time before they've "completely decided."

I also don't see society being a lot more open and accepting of homosexuality or bisexuality now. At best, we have some civil protections we didn't, and for women whose bisexuality resembles porny-ideas, or fits very neatly in the prevailing hegemony, a little more acceptance, but that's about it.

And bisexuality isn't a "phase." No more than heterosexuality or bisexuality is: it's an orientation all it's own. If it seems phasal to you because you see "deciding" being picking one romantic partner, of a given gender, then that's not sensible. A heterosexual woman, for instance, who has one male partner hasn't "decided" to be attracted to all men as a whole because she's with one, after all.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ecofem
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I (finally) decided to identify myself as bisexual (while acknowledging the term isn't really all-inclusive.) What does that mean for me? That I'm attracted to whom I'm attracted to.

I didn't think of "what is my orientation label" until after the whole labelling pressure started when I reached college. Which seems ironic, considering college is often thought to be about questioning your orientation. Looking back, for me it was more like questioning my choice of labels. (Not that it made it any easier or more fun.)

I remember a big discussion in high school about attraction with friends. I said I was 30/70 percent interested in women/men. (Whatever those percentages mean... that I turn my head to check someone out? that my crushes are ___% whatever?)

While I feel no need to hide my orientation label (although it's not exactly something I'd publicly announce as a public school teacher), I also don't feel a need to tell people unless it comes up. If they should ask, then I'll say I'm bisexual. If I like someone, it's "Hey I like you," not "Hey I'm attracted to you as a representative of your gender." [Wink]

On the other hand, I have a friend who is very involved in bisexual activism in her small Midwestern college town. It's also the central theme for her art. It is very important for her to tell people she is bi when she gets to know them. Which I also fully understand and support.

I have to agree on how hard it can be to label yourself as anything other than straight, especially in high school. What do you think of the "orientation" blank in website profiles like myspace? I rarely see it listed as anything other than "Straight" in the profiles I've stumbled across. There's the same question in our Scarleteen profiles, but I feel it's quite low-key and no pressure as to what you post or to post at all. Do you think people feel pressure to list their "public" orientation as "straight" even if they may be questioning or know they aren't?

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SnowLhite
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The main reason for my questioning is just people's attitudes in general. I mean, as in what makes someone chose to identify as gay as opposed to homosexual, or queer versus bi, or pan or straight or anything. Just how people react, feel and interact with orientation-labels.
What their thoughts about particular labels are and why etc, and how society in general looks at them.
So basically its about people and labels, and what happens there.

Also Mz Scarlet, I have to disagree with you about the acceptance issue. I think it does depend quite alot on where you are and who you are with, but overall I think that there is more open-mindedness tolerance nowadays. i.e. more people feel that its acceptable to be open-minded and alternative-thinking nowadays, whereas there has previously been such culture as to make many people be "in the closet" about their thoughts .
Yes, there are still many people who aren't open to differences, but I think society in general is much more accepting of open differences than it used to be, and so that leads to more people being ok with homosexuality and bisexuality. Then again I could be wrong, but that's the way I see it - which could just be because as a Cape Townian that the situation I'm in tends that way.
Or I could be a raving lunatic with weird dellusions. Which is always possible. [Wink]

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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catalinacisne
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I agree with SnowLhite about society being more accepting towards non-straightness now more than ever. There is no way in hell shows like Queer as Folk, The L Word, or even Will and Grace would have lasted beyond the first five minutes of filming their pilots if they had been made 15 years earlier. And continuing looking at TV trends, I remember watching Law and Order when I was ten, and how one of the big case-twisters/episode shockers would be that the victim was gay. Now, with Law and Order:SVU and CSI, there's a gay character practically every other episode and no one bats an eye.

And there are certain cities where I know I can walk down the streets holding hands with my girlfriend and people won't give us a second glance. Granted, there are even more places where we might be beaten for doing that, but just the knowledge that there are a few oases for us is comforting for me.

There's still a long way to go until we're widely thought of as equals, but I think it's foolish to deny that we have come a few steps closer.

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amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

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Djuna
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Hi there, only just got a chance to have another look at this thread. I'm sorry if I offended anyone because it seems my impressions of bisexuality were way off (I now know that it's not a phase, for instance), but then I've only ever had one friend who was openly bisexual (and to be honest, he's far too strange to be used as an example). [Wink]
At the end of the day, I guess that's why we're all on this site - to learn about this kind of stuff.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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SnowLhite
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Its ok. Nobody can know everything. Its alright to have some misconceptions, just be open to learning that what you think may not actualy be the case.

So in short: no offence taken here.
So there's at least one bisexual who doesn't think you're an idiot.
[Smile]

--------------------
"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

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fonz
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i dont think so either smilyjoe,
so stay smiling!
i think we're all here to learn realy,
especially those of us who are products of the irish sex ed program....

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Nothing is right, but its perfect

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Djuna
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Believe me, I've got plenty of jokes about Irish sex ed, but they'd probably get censored anyway. Good old Britain though - we get NO sex ed, more or less. The girls get sex ed about periods and tampons, but guys get pretty much nothing. If it wasn't for this site I wouldn't know WHICH hole I was supposed to put it in. [Big Grin]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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Joseph?

quote:
If it wasn't for this site I wouldn't know WHICH hole I was supposed to put it in.
I have a feeling you didn't intend for this to come off this way, but given that not only IS there no right "hole to put it in," and given that the various orifices of anyone's body don't just exist for a penis, and all the extra implications a statement like that has about women specifically, a comment like that just really seems inappropriate here, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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OK, sorry about that. To be honest I hadn't even thought of that interpretation. Once again I'm putting my exceptionally large foot into my even bigger mouth. [Razz]
What I meant was that before looking at this site, I didn't have the foggiest about sexuality or anything to do with it really. So thanks so much for all the help!

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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