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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Straight or Bi? Too confusing!

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Author Topic: Straight or Bi? Too confusing!
Member # 29235

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Hi, all. I have a question about sexual identity. I'm 16 right now, and have been feeling kind of confused lately. For as far back as 1st grade, I've pretty much always liked boys. I've always identified as being straight and was always comfortable with that. My problem is though that, when I watch pornography (which is rare nowdays but still), I almost always find myself being more aroused by the female rather than the male. Lesbian pornography is also arousing to me. When I fantasized, it's mostly with men, but sometimes has women involved as well. I even find myself thinking sometimes (but few and far between)thinking "she's hot" when I see an attractive female celebrity. I've never really thought of it as a "problem" before, but now it's kinda starting to bother me. I couldn't ever see myself being romantically involved with anyone other than a man, and most of my fantasies are of men. It's just the pornography and thinking certain women are sexually attractive that kinda bothers me.

So can anyone help me out as to whether I'm bisexual or if these are just "normal" thoughts? I'm so confused!

Posts: 1 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27839

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A couple things I've seen repeated over and over again on this site, and a few thoughts of my own:

1. Sexuality is fluid. It is always changing, who you have feelings for, who you don't, etc. There's no real need to label yourself if you don't want to/don't feel like any label accurately describes you.

2. What you find arousing in porn oftentimes does not arouse you in real life. That's okay and natural. There are other threads about this sort of stuff with more information about that.

3. Who cares if you do find some women attractive?

4. Ultimately, you are the only person who can accurately label yourself, if that is what you want to do. I personally am a fan of the Kinsey scale, which is a scale from 0 through 6, 0 being completely straight, 6 being completely gay. This provides more options than just 'gay, bi, or straight'. I currently identify as 2, but a month ago I identified as 3.5 (because, as stated above, sexuality is constantly changing). Generally speaking (and I'm not trying to label you specifically, because I don't know your specific situation), finding people of the same sex attractive but not wanting sexual or romantic involvement with someone of the same sex is about a 1 on the Kinsey scale.

Hope I helped a wee bit...

amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

Posts: 65 | From: Colorado Springs, CO | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29320

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Something i strongly believe in is that nobody in 100% one way or another everyone has sme straight and so homosexual parts. I really think that. x


Posts: 3 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The trouble with that idea, though, is that it makes bisexuality invisible by presuming that what bisexuality is is a mix of heterosexuality and homosexuality, when, in fact, it's neither.

It is a different thing to be solely attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex than it is to be attracted, in varying degrees, to all sexes/genders, and the dymanics often differ as well.

More to the point, absolute heterosexuality or homosexuality presumes exactly what you're saying you object to. There are, indeed, people out there who, in studies and in practical life, DO appear to be 100% heterosexual or homosexual. But the majority of people are not both, but neither.

[ 06-14-2006, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29939

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I think that being able to look at both men and women and say that they are attractive or "hott" is being comfortable with your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with it. When someone says someone is "hott" I don't think that tells me their orientation, and I don't think anything of it.

Love is more than just a game for two

Posts: 18 | From: Mass | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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