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Author Topic: Coming out to friends...
helpimconfuzzled
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Ok, so ive come out to my parents, but how can i come out to my friends, one of them already thinks i have a major crush on the girl i do like.
We are all sleeping over this girls house in the month to come so maybe tell them then?
its eating away at me and i just want to get it off my chest.
thanks in advance, x x

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oOo Lea oOo
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Congrats! And I'm glad it worked out well for you when your parents found out. That's really awesome.

As for your friends, is there someone you are particularly interested in coming out to? What about a close friend whom you trust completely and confide in. That would be the best way to start.

And then, that friend could help you tell others you want to know. But remember, you aren't obligated to tell anyone, so don't stress out about who needs to know and who doesn't.

And if you choose to tell everyone, or a good amount of people, you don't have to do it right away, or all at once. It's all in what you are comfortable with.

If you feel comfortable telling your friends at a sleep-over, feel free to do so. I think it would be a perfect opportunity.

Or maybe, like I siad before, confide in a close friend and tell her you want your other friends to know, then maybe she can help you come out to the rest of the girls at the sleep-over. How do you feel about that?

Well, those are some suggestions. But more importantly, do what you are comfortable with. There is no rush on this. Take your time, if you need it. It's perfectly acceptable.

Good luck with this! I wish you the best! [Wink]

--------------------
And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?
Atreyu

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September
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I actually came out at a sleepover. To all of my friends at once. And I honestly had no idea how they'd react because we are a pretty diverse bunch from lots of different religous and cultural backgrounds. But ... it went more than well.

I still think that that's a pretty good setting, because if you tell everyone at once, you don't have to spend ages talking to everyone individually and each time getting worked up again. Also, most people tend to be more careful with what they say when in a larger group. The way I experienced it, they didn't say a whole lot that night but each came up to me at a later time, when they'd had some time to think it over, which worked out nicely.

So, there's definitely advantages to this setting. However, if you'd feel more comfortable coming out to one or two close friends first before you tell everyone, that's perfectly fine, too. Just take it at your own pace.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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helpimconfuzzled
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Now, i might do it the way i did it to my parents, i only told them because my mum kept saying "shed never be a lesbian, blah blah blah" so i just shouted in the car, actually I am!
Theres a joke in our group that im a weak lesbian, and it pees me off, so if they say it at the sleepover i might get overly upset, go off and then maybe tell a frienf if they comfort me, its funny i know. but hey...

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oOo Lea oOo
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Honestly, I'd save yourself the trouble, if they are going to joke about it, I wouldn't give them the chance! I'd just come flat out and say, "hey, ya know, all jokes aside, I'm a lesbian, and I'm fine with that."

If they aren't fine with it, that's their problem. You are you, and you should be proud that you had the courage to come out in the first place. Good luck sweetie! [Wink]

--------------------
And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?
Atreyu

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helpimconfuzzled
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wow! thanks, i think i might just tell my closest friend first, i resisted the urge to tell her on MSN, as bad as i wanted to.
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catalinacisne
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When I realized I was bi, I didn't have a big "Guys, I'm Bi" speech or anything. I began commenting on girls that I found attractive, and then if someone gave me an odd look, I'd just say, "Oh, yeah, I'm bi." and then go on with whatever I was doing. I figured, the bigger deal I made it out to be, the bigger the reaction I would get. And I really wasn't looking for any reaction at all, so... my way worked for me, it might not for you. The fact that two of my friends had come out three years before I did definitely helped my situation. I wish you the best!

--------------------
amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

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helpimconfuzzled
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Thanks, i had the sleepover already and we were talking about our friends friend and how he came out, and then i said "my parents know im gay" and my friend said , that was really suttle to come out, are you really gay. but i denied it. so im back where i started.
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Biguy(formerly AmberTS)
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quote:
Originally posted by helpimconfuzzled:
Thanks, i had the sleepover already and we were talking about our friends friend and how he came out, and then i said "my parents know im gay" and my friend said , that was really suttle to come out, are you really gay. but i denied it. so im back where i started.

Had the same problem you had with the whole admit it and then take it back thing you had, except it was to my Mom. I think it would be really easy to come out as bisexual to her, but as a TS male, really hard. This is a delicate thing, but close friend route is probably the ebst way to go. If I can catch my best friend on monday w/o her boyfriend, I think I might come out as bi.

--------------------
Used to think I was transsexual, after further consideration, a feminine bisexual male =P

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helpimconfuzzled
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Hmm, im thinking of telling my close friend as i know shed understand completely as we share a lot of personal stuff. but we are never away from our friends....
and i cant get her on my own without raising suspicion.
id tell on MSN, but... i dunno
Btw, good luck with telling your friend tommorow, let me know how it goes!

[ 06-04-2006, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: helpimconfuzzled ]

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Biguy(formerly AmberTS)
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Thanks, I'm definately gonna tell her. She is bi, and likes to crossdress, so maybe we can even do some clothing switching in private or something. I suppose baby steps is the best way to start out.

--------------------
Used to think I was transsexual, after further consideration, a feminine bisexual male =P

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helpimconfuzzled
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well today is the day, how did it go? im finding it hard to tell my friends as they always make jokes about me being a lesbian, not knowing that I am. today they drew a picture of breasts and then me staring at them, it was a little funny, but its narked me right off.
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Biguy(formerly AmberTS)
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I wanted to, I couldn't get alone with her, maybe I'll tell her sunday, before Church, or if I get to be alone with her tommorow. She and I always point out women we think are attractive, I find it might be odd to tell her I like guys too.
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helpimconfuzzled
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Well again, good luck. I dont think i can tell my friends. But if i do, ill let you know.
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helpimconfuzzled
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Well, I did it, i came out to one friend, she was totlly supportve, even though shes a strong christian and doesnt think its right. she said i was brave to come out. thanks all !
P.s Amber, hows your situation goin?
x x

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Biguy(formerly AmberTS)
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Seeing as school's over, I'll have to tell her sunday before Youth Group. I don't think I'll tell her about the transexuality just yet, just the bisexuality.
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helpimconfuzzled
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Ok, well good luck i hope all goes well
p.s i told another friend and they are happy for me too.

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Biguy(formerly AmberTS)
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Awesome, I came out to my friend yesterday, she knows a girl who can hook me up with a boyfriend, and her up with a girlfriend, for a date! Excited!
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helpimconfuzzled
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Yayness! I came out to another friend (one of the ones i was afraid too)and she was really nice about it, were sorting out a way to let the rest of them know, i just abit worried about telling one of them because she was the one that started the 'weak lesbian' joke, im afraid that she will walk down the road with me and say "look at that girl, want some of that?" shes really nice most of the time, im just a bit scared.
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JCW
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I want to come out to my best friend who came out 3 years ago. I want to tell him i am gay but afraid. He suspects i am but i am in denial. Can any offer any advice i'd really appreciate it. [Eek!]
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helpimconfuzzled
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Well since he came out he knows what your going through, theres no reason to be afraid, hes your best friend which is great, and hes gay which makes it easier to tell him. get him on is own and tell him. if you dont want to tell him face to face, write him an email/letter or even on MSN or an instant messenger, but itx better to do it face to face. Good luck x
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Ecofem
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JCW, in addition to helpimconfuzzled's advice, here's this: Hopefully your friend will be understanding that it took awhile for you to come out. If he gives you crap, such like "oh, I always knew, why did it take you so long?!" You can just say, "Hey, it just took me longer to figure out, please respect that." Because chances are, he wouldn't mean to be mean, but would get excited to know and maybe forget for a second how coming out three years ago wasn't easy for him either.

Have you seen these articles? A fun and good read. [Smile]
http://www.scarleteen.com/gaydar/out.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/gaydar/making.html

Congrats on coming out!

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