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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » ''The Prom''

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Author Topic: ''The Prom''
LetMeBeHappy
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''...just don't deny me of a prom photo...every mum has a prom photo of their daughter...i can't believe you won't go to ure prom...'' these are the things i can remember from a recent argument i had with my mum. you see ever since i began high school i've told myself i won't go to my prom (how does this all tie into orientation and identity...?) mainly my reason was because i believed that nobody would ever love me ever and i would have nobody to go with. my other reasons at this time were that i had never had my first kiss and had never danced with a guy (i use 'guy' because that was then).

anyway...now i deffinatly cannot go, and have a good reason, but i cannot tell my mum this reason.

i have, not long ago, came out as bi. however my mum doesn't know this, and i am not prepared to tell her. i am now in a happy relationship with a girl...now u see my problem?? what do i do, as my mum is so upset that i wont go, and i think it's adding to that that i won't give her a reason... [Confused]

advice/similar experiances/thoughts all welcome.

thanks everyone [Smile]

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

Posts: 37 | From: scotland | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
origami_jane
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Well, why don't you ask her why you attending prom is so important to her? If she can't come up with a better reason than "every mother has a photo of her daughter at prom," remind her that your happiness is more important.

You don't even have to bring up the bisexuality. Just tell her that you don't think that you are going to have a good time, and maybe suggest that the two of you go out and do something together instead.

After all, not every mother has a prom photo of her daughter. Mine doesn't.

She was angry at first--especially when I told her that if I did go, I'd wear a tuxedo instead of a dress--but she got over it eventually. I just told her that I didn't approve of perpetuating a cycle of corporate worship and orgiastic consumerist decadence..... and then I rambled on about sweatshop labor and the subject was dropped.

See? No need to bring up sexuality at all.

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LetMeBeHappy
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thank you very much origami_jane for ure advice. that is a good point, i guess i dnt reeli need to bring up the whole bi thing...i'm just hopeing she won't get upset. yeah maybe i could take her out instead of going to the prom...

thanks again [Smile]

other advice again is welcome

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

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-Lauren-
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A few of my queer friends have been able to attend prom with their girlfriends without their parents suspecting a thing. I mean honestly, intimacy between two good girlfriends isn't such an unusual thing, between sleepovers, personal outings, etc. With all those paired up, going to prom with a girl you're close to shouldn't cause suspicion.

It's not clear from your post whether you would want to go to prom if your orientation weren't an issue or not. If it's the main thing holding you back, remember that it's pretty common for girls to go dateless (a better word in your case is "guyless") or in groups. If it's simply something you're not willing to do, at all, try reasoning with your mother.

Had I graduated from high school, my mom swore she would force me to "walk" the graduation ceremony, no matter how much I pleaded. Being a horribly shy and easily embarassed person, maybe that's part of what discouraged me. [Smile]

[ 05-24-2006, 01:03 AM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

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LetMeBeHappy
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sry i just typed it in such a hurry, i didn't reeli explain anything correctly.

i don't think i would be comfortable going to my prom with my gf as my school is full of well''against gay people'' eventhough a lto of my friends who also go to this school are bi, i wouldn't want to ruin someone elses prom who feel uncomfortable around you know ''girl on girl''. and well even if i wasn't bi and had someone to go with i don't think i'd go anyway. i feel quite uncomfortable at parties and dances, as well am not exactly afraid of people but a dunno it's just awkward...and thak you for ure advice, but i cnt c me going with a group of friends as well they'll all get dates as they're not as shy as me.

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

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catalinacisne
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I totally respect your decision to not go to prom and all that jazz, but don't ever let your reason for not doing something with your girlfriend be "I don't want to make someone else uncomfortable." That is a very admirable and selfless desire, but if someone were to go through life trying to not offend anyone ever then they wouldn't live much of a life at all. You are you, and you do not need to apologize for that. Ideally, you should celebrate who you are (not just the being-bi part, but all the other wonderful things that make you who you are), but if you're not quite that far in your self-loving yet, then the least you can do is not sell yourself so short. Reading your other posts on here, you seem like such a nice, caring, understanding girl, and other people should be worried about making you feel uncomfortable, not the other way around.

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amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

Posts: 65 | From: Colorado Springs, CO | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LetMeBeHappy
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aw fank u so much catlinacisne, you've made me feel a whole lot better. You right, i reeli shouldn't be sorry for the way i am, an di shouldn't be afraid to go places with my gf. thank you so much.

Ashleigh xx

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

Posts: 37 | From: scotland | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LetMeBeHappy
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ps. i love ure signature catlinacisne. that what my friends called me when i told him i was bi [Razz] - greedy

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

Posts: 37 | From: scotland | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
catalinacisne
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Glad I could help! I go to college in one of the most Christian-conservative places in the States, but that doesn't stop my girlfriend and I from being public with our relationship. Granted, we don't hold hands while strolling down the aisles of Wal-Mart, but that's more of a desire to not get shot, rather than not wanting to offend anyone.

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amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

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Blink
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Maybe this is weird, but sometimes the awkwardness is part of the fun. Some of my best memories of dances involve sitting on the edges and hanging out with my friends.

I also really agree with what Catalinacisne was saying.

Also, I really don't understand this parental obsession with prom photos. My parents' photos of me in my dress didn't come out, so now they want me to get back in my dress so they can re-take them. I think that's totally fake, and they clearly just want a picture of me looking conventionally pretty so they can prove to relatives that I do, in fact, clean up nice. Yes, I did look nice in my prom dress. I look nice most of the time, albeit not that feminine, and as my parents they ought to appreciate me enough to realize that.

If you don't want to try to take your girlfriend to prom with you, and don't want to go without her, then just tell your mom you don't want her to have to spend all that money when you don't think you'd have a good time. Let her know you care about her and want her to have mother/daughter memories and pictures, just not of the prom stuff. Maybe offer to do something with her instead.

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daria319
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I understand the annoyance with parents wanting prom photographs. My own father found it amusing to stand in the corner of our living room and snap pictures about every 3 1/2 seconds while I was waiting for my friend to pick me up. He has at least four photos of me in mid-sneeze. After that, the camera hasn't left the case. I guess it took a wasted roll of film to make him realize the photos aren't important.

Anyway, you should probably sit down with your mother and tell her that you don't want to attend the prom just because she wants pictures, and that she is being rather selfish by trying to force you.

Honesty might just be the best polcy here.

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"You owe me two lifetimes and a pair of perfect blue eyes."

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PenguinBoy
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Our sixthform is having a summer ball in july, and i know quite a few girls who are taking same-sex friends as their dates. And none of them are gay. Is it not a possibility to take you're gf as a friend-date?

i guess you know what's "acceptable" in your community. But i think that if you reckon you can have a good time then you should go for it. I personally don't think your sexuality should stop you being able to do anything or go anywhere.

i hope you have a good time whatever you do that night.

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Jacob - my Scarleteen Blog - Please help sustain scarleteen

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AnansiGirl
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If you feel bold enough, do what I did for my Valentine's ball in high school - I got my best (male) friend to wear the ball gown, and I wore the tuxedo.

He looked damn pretty in blue, I'll tell you that. That's when I came out to my friends as bi female-preference. My parents just thought it was a practical joke.

"So, what, you're gay?"

"No, I'm bi. Don't David look so cute like that?"

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"I'm bouncing off the walls again, woah-oh~
I'm acting like a fool again, woah-oh~
Threw away my reputation,
For one more song on the RADIO STATION~"

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Heather
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Given, it was an arts school, but I went to my prom, as well as the prom of another friend, in a group, one with all friends, one with friends and an ex-girlfriend (and went in a tux to one of them, too: I miss that tux).

I'm in agreement with the sentiment that it's not your responsibility to protect people from feeling uncomfortable about their own biases. But if you want a little more cover, you could just go with your girlfriend and another friend or two, in a group.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ninette
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If you really don't want to go because you don't like dancing or dressing up or some other reason, then just explain that to your mom. But if you're only worried about having to come out, just go to prom in a group with friends! You don't have to have a date and you can get a group photo! And if you want a special momento I'm sure you can also take a picture of just you and your girlfriend, and order a seperate package from the photographer. People are ALWAYS taking prom photos with people other than their dates. I'm sure you've seen prom pics of a group of girls who are friends, or even groups of guys, and people all mashed together just to remember the night.

Plus, if you get a small group of friends and you all go out to a restaurant or whatever before heading to the prom, you can just meet up with your gf there or go in a group from someone's house. I never went with a date to my proms and it was still a LOT of fun! We just got reservations for 15 at a steak house and a ton of us went together - some couples, some not. It's a night to let loose and have fun. Don't worry about it.

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