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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I think im a lesbian.

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Author Topic: I think im a lesbian.
helpimconfuzzled
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For the past month or so, I've started to have really strong feelings for one of my best friends, we get on so well and I'm falling for her.

I was 15 last month and she is almost 15.

I think about her when i wake up, when i see her at school, when i dont see her at school, when i come home, basically every waking moment. I fantasise about what it would be like between us, and i just feel like kissing her all the time.

It makes me cry when i know we can't be together as I think she is straight, everytime a goodlooking guy goes by all my other friends including her stare and talk about him. I just stand there looking clueless. I guess some guys are attractive...

I have had one boyfriend but he just wanted to fool around, and i may have enjoyed it , but when i look back i know i wasnt in love and it makes me feel ashamed to know I went out with him because he was horrible , no personality and ugly.

I've spoken to an online friend of mine who is a lesbian, and she told me that ill know in time, but I can't wait any longer, i just need to know, and i want her so bad that it makes me cry.

Please Help. x

[Confused]

Posts: 91 | From: uk | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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quote:
it makes me feel ashamed to know I went out with him because he was horrible , no personality and ugly.
Well, that doesn't say much about your orientation so much as it speaks to you choosing to be with someone who, either then or in hindsight, you didn't like. There are likely women you could feel that way about as well.

Sexuality is fluid, and adolescence is a big time of sexual development. So, it's unusual enough NOT to know for a while, because you are still developing. It might be worth asking yourself what you feel knowing your orienation, without any doubt, would ultimately change. You may find that some of those things are things you can address now regardless.

Knowing whether you're lesbian or not, for instance, probably won't make you feel any less torn or confused about how you feel about your best friend. Lesbian or no, that's a heady, intense situation, and one where you're bound to have some conflicting feelings, because one doesn't want to lose a friendship, because it's hard for anyone to have feelings that aren't being returned, and a big, intense crush can be tough on everyone.

Truth is, you probably, like anyone else, will just have to give this time, per sexual orientation, and just feel it out, as the years go by. Even within just a few short years, you'll probably feel a whole lot more clear on the issue, per whether you feel straight, bisexual or lesbian.

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helpimconfuzzled
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thanks.
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LetMeBeHappy
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when i first though i was bi it was quite scary and i was confused too. I know exactly what ure going through, as I have had similar experiances in the past. have you had any other crushes (even little ones) on any other female?

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

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helpimconfuzzled
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Yes, I had a small one on my other friend.

Guess what guys, my dad was surfing the net ony my computer, went into the history folder to find something he went on previously and he came across the post that I had made here....
I found this out because he came to my school and he told him me he knew, and he just talked to me for a while, he said he was happy for me and everything and if i ever needed a chat that he was there for me, it was really sweet =) Of course I was upset but also a little relieved.

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LetMeBeHappy
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aw thats great!! congrats [Smile]

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

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helpimconfuzzled
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Thanks, im slowly coming to the conclusion that Im either bi or lesbian, my mum made me real upset today, we were talking about Big Brother and then she gave a huge talk about how gay people are wrong, and if i was ever a lesbian shed be ok, but would steer me the other way, it made me almost cry, but ah well.
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LetMeBeHappy
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oh dear that terrible, thats why i'm terrified to tell my parents as I don't know what they think about bisexuals and lesbians...am sure she'll come round [Smile]

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*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

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helpimconfuzzled
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Thanks =) i really want to tell one of my friends.. but i dont know.
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helpimconfuzzled
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the girl i liked slept over my house last night, obviously as friends. we saw a film together and i just wanted to cuddle up to her. on the way back we were discussing lesbianism for some reason (dont remember why) and i asked her what she would do if i was lesbian, she said she wouldnt mind really, wouldnt treat me differently and she said the other friends would feel bad because ever since my birthday (2 months ago) they made a joke about me being a weak lesbian, little do they know now is that I have basically come to the decision that I am a lesbian, my friend also said that she couldnt see me as a lesbian but she was only going at the sterotypical version, i really dont find guys attractive very much, but i see a lot of attractive girls.
I want to tell my other best friend but i dont know really what to say.....

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helpimconfuzzled
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well, i told my parents I was gay, my mum didnt like it at first, but she said she doesnt mind, after telling them i had doubts wether i did the riht thing, but then, talking to my friend on MSN i realised that this is who I am.
thanks all for your help.
x x x

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Aweesha wuvs you
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im a bisexual lol well um give me an email on [address deleted] L8erz

Sorry, Aweesha, but Scarleteen does not allow users to post email addresses due to safety reasons. However, you, helpimconfuzzled, and any others are more than welcome to chat and discuss GLBTQ issues on the Boards, such as this thread. [Smile] ~Ecofem

[ 08-19-2006, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Aweesha

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