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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Half Lesbian?

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Author Topic: Half Lesbian?
Member # 25378

Icon 1 posted      Profile for JezziBee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm a high school junior, and I'm just wondering about some things.

I've been best friends with this girl named "Katy" since we were little kids, and I've been letting her give me oral sex since we were in junior high. But the thing is, I never do it back to her. Not once, ever, in like four years that she's been doing it to me. I've never done anything for her down there, not even with my fingers. Usually, after she makes me come, she masturbates herself. I do let her kiss me.

I tell her that I'm straight, and I don't want to touch another girl's pussy. And she says she understands, and she doesn't care. She says she just wants to make me feel good.

I think Katy's in love with me. And I love her, but I'm not *in love* with her. She's just my best friend. She's my special best friend. But I don't feel like I could really fall in love with a girl. I don't mind kissing Katy. Kissing is nice. But it doesn't make me feel all warm and buzzy like when I kiss a boy.

I'm pretty sure I'm straight. Although I've never had sex with a boy, I have made out with a couple of them. Earlier this summer, I was on vacation in Florida, and I was kissing a boy I met, and I could feel his erection through his shorts, and it got me so hot. I really, really wanted to give him oral sex and regular sex, but we were both too shy. And I've been thinking about it ever since.

I really want to have sex with a boy, but I don't like any of the ones in my high school, even though some of them are cute. I have this weird thing about boys, where I don't want to give them anything, because I don't want them to "win" somehow. I don't know why.

I love it when Katy eats my pussy, though, because she knows my body so well. She knows it better than I know myself, and she can give me orgasm after orgasm. And I feel so comfortable with her.

I don't think I'm a lesbian, but is there such a thing as a half lesbian? One who only likes getting sex from girls but not giving it?

I've never done anything sexual with other girls besides Katy (I did kiss another girl once at a party, but she was straight, and we just did it to show off for some boys), but sometimes I look at other girls, and I imagine them eating my pussy, even though I don't really feel attracted to them.

I'm starting to feel guilty about Katy. I kind of treat her badly. She's my best friend, but I don't really hang out with her that much at school. I have another group of friends who are sort of popular, and they don't like Katy (who's not that popular). I never say anything bad about her, and I do tell everyone she's my best friend, but I feel bad that I ignore her sometimes. But she says she doesn't care. So does this make me a bad person for not trying to include her more?

Also I'm wondering if I am being selfish for not giving her oral sex? I really don't want to, but I'm starting to think I should, just to be fair. I feel like I should want to make her feel good the way she does me.

Can anybody help me? Am I a lesbian? A half lesbian? Am I selfish? Am I a bad person? Should I give Katy oral sex? Maybe I should buy a vibrator and use it on her? Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

Posts: 2 | From: Some Little Town, Ohio, USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Pleasure is pleasure. No matter who it comes from (although it can be enhanced or decreased by who is giving it to you). So, it does not mean you are a lesbian just because you enjoy the pleasure that your friend gives you.

If you do not have any want to give oral sex to her, or cannot see yourself in a sexual relationship with her or another girl, I think that is a good indicator that you aren't lesbian. However, there are other things here that may play a part as well, like your not wanting to let boys "win".

Maybe it is because you feel comfortable with her, or because you know eachother so well, but there could be many reasons why you are open to letting her give you oral sex. It is not a bad thing. Many teens actually have experiences with friends of the same sex. So is not by any means uncommon.

Why are you avoiding Katy? Is it because you don't feel comfortable around her anymore because of what you do together? Having differfent friends is great, and it is OK to hang with different crouds, but just make sure she knows you are not doing it to intentionally hurt her. Also, if you care about her, if your other group of friends start talking about her, it is your responsibility to interject and tell them that that isn't OK with you...

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 09-17-2005).]

Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25378

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I don't mean to ignore her, but we don't have the same friends. We both used to kinda be nerds, but then I started getting more popular in high school because I played sports and I'm a cheerleader and stuff. Katy's really pretty and really cool and she's the most genuine person I know, but she just doesn't care about being popular and wearing the right clothes and all that. And so my popular friends don't like her, mostly because I think she shows them how shallow they are. I don't really respect my popular friends, but I do like going to parties and being social, but so when I hang out with them, Katy isn't really welcome. Which I feel bad about. But then katy doesn't really like most of my other friends, so I don't think she'd want to hang out anyway. I never let anybody say anything bad about Katy when I'm around.

But if I'm being honest, I think also sometimes I worry that people will find out that Katy and I are sort of having sex. Which is weird because I don't have anything against being a lesbian. And I always make jokes about how certain celebrity women are really hot and if I met them in real life, I'd totally want to do them. But for some reason I don't want people to know about Katy and I. I've never told anybody about it until now, and I;m only doing this because it's anonymous. And I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I'm ashamed of having sex with another girl, or if it's because I'm ashamed of having sex with Katy (which I don't think I am), or if its because I don't want to go around telling people I'm lesbian or bi when I'm really not. I'm just confused, I guess, and it's easier to keep it to myself.

Posts: 2 | From: Some Little Town, Ohio, USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Let's please remember that the world is not divided between gay and straight. In fact, the vast MAJORITY of people in the world is somewhere in between.

So, no, there's not a "half-lesbian." But there certainly are many, many bisexuals (and technically, that is ANYONE who has attraction to both sexes, even if attraction to one is far less so than the other), and many people who ID as gay or straight but who, in various circumstances, find exceptions to their rules.

(As well, there are both people who like sex best when it is solely or primarily receptive as well as those who don't enjoy being on the receving end much at all. In the lesbian community, actually, those women often ID as "stone.")

Know what though? It does sound like you're treating your friend poorly. I don't think repairing that is a matter of what sex acts you do or don't engage in, but rather, a matter of if you can be sexually involved with her at al without treating her, and any aspect of your relationsip, like a dirty secret. So, THAT is what I'd suggest you evaluate before you choose to continue with this aspect of your relationship or not. because if that's how it's going to be, truth is, no matter what she says about it, that sort of thing tends, especially in the long run, to be pretty debilitating and esteem-blasting for anyone.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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