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Author Topic: no different...
MASKCOLE
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Hmmm... well, I don't guess I'm any different than anyone on this board: I'm a little confused as to what's going on with my orientation. I am a 17 year old female who, just recently, began realizing my particular interest in feminism (currently reading the novel "Bitch" by Elizabeth Wurtzel... sorry if that word's not allowed, feel free to edit), girls with guitars (I am one), girl movie stars, girl talk show hosts, and just girls in general.
I'm not sure if I'm just for women's rights or maybe I'm just envious of the pretty women on TV or walking on the streets, but I do know that I've been NOTICING women in general more often. I know this doesn't necessarily say that I'm bi or what not (I know I am VERY interested in the male sex) :-) but you see, more and more I'm finding some of my role models or fav. TV celebs are gay or bi, or have at least played parts that cruise the edge of sexuality: Winona Ryder (she kisses Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted), Christina Ricci (not necessarily a good actress, but I think she is beautiful and she frequently plays parts of a bi woman or even gay in Monster), or Ellen DeGeneres (who has to be the funniest comic- in my opinion- on the face of this planet, and she is openly gay).
I would like to add that I have seen girls even just kissing, and it sort of grosses me out (sorry to anyone here), but it sort of makes me uncomfortable, in a way I wonder- how do they do it? So, I guess I don't fantasize about girls really, but I think about them an awful lot (sometimes just wondering about their own sex lives, and sometimes in a purely non sexual way.
So, after having written an essay for you, I ask your opinion (because I can't seem to figure out things on my own) what is going on in my head? Am I bi? Am I just really for women's rights, and happen to dig a lot of gay/bi people?
Thank you in advance for any input!
-Nicole

Posts: 30 | From: Orlando, Fl., U.S.A | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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If the idea or sight of women kissing isn't at all appealing to you, or grosses you out, it's pretty unlikely you're bisexual. How those of us who date women "do it," is that we're sexually attracted to them, so kissing another woman is as natural as anything else.

Here's the thing: there's a cultural tendency to sexualize all types of ttraction, interest or curiousity that's a little out of hand, especially of late.

You're a woman. You notice other women in how they appear, in what they do, and appear to be comparing yourself, being a woman. You're interested in women's issues. You've noticed that other women who are queer, or who protray queer women, have the possiblity of your admiration on all levels just like anyone else.

None of which has much to do with sexual or romantic attraction to women (or women's rights, for that matter), and that's what sexual orientation is all about. Sexual or romantic interest, not general interest, interest in how a given person looks or simply noticing someone's gender. And aside of Degeneres, I'm not even seeing you say here that you've really that much interest in people who are queer -- movie stars who play queer characters or who kiss people of the same-sex in films are often no more queer than actors who portray cops are police officers IRL.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MASKCOLE
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Member # 10716

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Miz Scarlet,
Thanks so much for you very prompt reply :-) You see, the thing is... I'm not finding queer activity so "gross" anymore, more so uncomfortable on my part... like nervousness (and maybe I'm reading into it too much, but being uncomfortable can mean several things... or not).
And the thing is... that I find myself more and more admiring the styles (of that sort of "hopelessly urban" look) of bi or gay women.
Ok, that's it I think... thanks again for anything else anyone has to say on the matter :-)
-Nicole

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Heather
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Ha! Well, lemme tell you something: queer women don't all look alike or have one style. The media tends to present us that way (which we all find pretty hysterical), but in truth, we look as different as any other group of women. So, that's media fashion you're talking about there, and really, I have yet to be in ANY queer female community, no matter how small, where we all have any real style commonalities.

You know, I'll say what I say everytime this sort of question gets asked, which is this: when and if you meet someone, in person, up close and personal, in whom you are interested in seriously pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship, THEN worry about this stuff. Until then, it's either all academic, because there's no planning for individuals and individual relationships, or it's not even academic, it's just a bit of projection, or sexualizing something that may not be sexual at all.


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MASKCOLE
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Miz Scarlet,
Thanks a lot. Just hearing someone say something... ANYTHING about these thoughts or feelings at all helps me out a lot.
I was afraid you would bring the point of "not all queer women look alike up"... I thought about that after I posted... I just meant that most styles I really like... I later find out the girls who are sporting them are bi or homosexual.
ANYway, thanks for putting my feelings at ease....
Always appreciative,
-Nicole

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Heather
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No problem.

Thing is, anyone can put on clothes. What someone is wearing doesn't mean a gender attraction, it means an attraction to clothing or style, and most likely, because you want to emulate it for YOURSELF, not get inside the pants you're coveting.

And if you ARE seeing a style commonality among actual lebsians you know -- rather than what is shown in the mass media, largely resprenting FICTIONAL lesbians -- chances are it's just like anything else: a certain age group, a certain location, a certain socioeconomic status, a given fad or set of, etc.

If you do want some good reading where the narratives are from everyday women who ARE bisexual and lesbian, beyond what women who date women may or may not look like (because what we look like, and who we're smooching is only one part of a much bigger picture), check out writers like Audre Lorde, Mo Brownsey (who is SO ontarget with lesbian dating sometimes, she is the cause of coffee flying out of my nose), Rita Mae Brown, Alison Bechdel, Marjoriw Garber, Loraine Hutchins, Judith Butler, Leslie Feinberg, etc.


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MASKCOLE
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Member # 10716

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Will do, Thanks again! :-)
Posts: 30 | From: Orlando, Fl., U.S.A | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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