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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » They don't understand!!! HELP!!!

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Author Topic: They don't understand!!! HELP!!!
Member # 16336

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I came out of the closet to my friends and they all took it well but now one of my friends acts parinoid everytime I am around her and she always clams I am hitting on her. But we had a big argument about it so to stop us from not being friend sI told her that I was straight,but I still have the same feelings for boys and girls. So how can I tell her that this is me and you have to accept that? without making her start rumors about me and my sexuality?

Posts: 77 | From: Roanoke,Virginia, USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Honestly, I'm seriously confused.

You told her you were heterosexual after telling her you were bisexual?

Here's the thing: what you're experiencing is pretty common and normal. One can't demand that any person accept, without question or time, every single aspect of a friend or their life. That's all the more so with something that isn't generally all that accepted in our culture, so often just takes people a little time, some question and answer, etc.

So, how about instead you simply tell her whatever the actual truth is, and let her know (if you would) that her friendship is important to you, and you want to work it out so she can come to terms with this?

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16772

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Wow... It takes guts to come out. It must be awful to have to try and take it back. You must really love your friend.

I think the big thing is for her to understand that just because you like girls doesn't mean you like her... Heterosexuals don't like every person of the opposite sex they meet, gays/lesbians aren't attracted to every person of the same sex. It may be more common for people to think bisexuals are attracted to just about everybody, but it just isn't true.

If your friend won't listen to you trying to explain this to her, maybe one of your more accepting friends can try to help you out here. She may even get over it by herself-- if you're like most people, you probably took some time to accept that you're bi and feel ready to deal with it. And your friend is certainly like a lot of people in having a less than positive reaction to that.

Count yourself lucky that most of your friends are be supportive and focus on making your friend feel comfortable. The first part of doing that, though, is to tell her that you are, in fact, bisexual. She can't exactly get used to the idea if she thinks you're straight! Make sure she knows that you went back on what you said because you care about being her friend and are willing to give her time and space to accept it... But that this is how you are and you can't change it.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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