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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » help....please....

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Author Topic: help....please....
Member # 16230

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I'm 15 and for a few years now i've been thinking that i'm a lesbian. Even though i haven't had a girlfriend or boyfriend, i am pretty sure that i'm gay.

The thought of opening the closet door, totally terrifies me though. I have no idea how my parents would react, and as for the rest of my family....well i'd rather not go there. School would be even worse. I'd most definetly be ditched by all my friends and it's more than likely that i'd be lynched by a mob of homophobic teenagers.

I know that some people think that it isn't necessary to "come out" until the right situation but i'm afraid that when i leave high school i'll fall in with the same type of crowd at University as i'm with where they think the worst insult to yell is "lezza".

I keep imagining the day i move out of this town to go to Uni and just leaving notes for everyone, telling them, then dissapearing. I know that's probably not the best idea but being as shy and self-consious as i am it sounds like a pretty safe way not to get hurt.

I'm also afraid that if i did tell people that i'm gay, that it would go all bad, i'd loose my family and friends....and then realise i'm straight. Can't really see that one happening but still......

Basically i was just wondering if anyone had any advice (duh) or ideas of who i could talk to?....unfortuantely here in Scotland we don't have GSA's in schools and there aren't any gay or lesbian groups in my area that i know about (and believe me i've looked)

thanks for lettin' me ramble

In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
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[This message has been edited by amazon (edited 01-11-2004).]

Posts: 3 | From: Scotland, UK | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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There's really no need to ID solidly as lesbian if you're still questioning. In fact, a lot of people ID as just that: questioning.

Really, if your friends are YOUR friends, as in, friends with YOU and you're not heterosexual, that shouldn't make them stop being your friends. Sure, like anyone else they may need to make some adjustments, but chances are that's all they'll have to do, and it'll be a lot easier than you think.

It's up to you whether you need to ID now, even as questioning, or not. But in University, you get to choose the friends you like. Chcances are they WILL have GLBT activist groups there, for instance, you can get involved with. Frankly, folks in GLBT groups tend to be cool, accepting and friendly people regardless of your orientation.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15989

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Yea I knew I liked girls waaaaay before I ever had any type of relationship...but I came out to my friends when I was 15, my parents too, and now most of my extended family knows, all of my friends, and some people at my work, and I couldn't be happier...I have an awesome girlfriend, and I can talk about it with almost anyone anytime!!!
My parents didn't take it well at first, but they suspected anyway, and over time they have really become supportive & accepting...and well, for me, I'm planning on being straight up with everyone next year when I go ot university, because I find it easier being open and honest. I understand that you're afraid to come out though, I was too at first...but once I did, I had friends coming up to me going "hey I'm bi" of "i'm gay too" really it was for the better. You'd be surprised just how many people are into same sex relationships!!! man, and I cam from a catholic high school in a small town.
On the other hand, if you really are afraid of getting mobbed, maybe it's best to keep quiet...but in universities, I know all the ones I've applied to have GLAs and bars & clubs that are queer positive. I dunno if they do that in scotland, but man, you could always start one! I'm sure you'd have many members & supporters, and it could make life easier for you & alot of people.
Anyway, it's entirely up to you. Whatever makes you happy is what I would never know how it will turn out, but in my personal experience, I would much rather take the chance than let it pass, you know? Good luck though! xoxo

*and i love her

Posts: 61 | From: ON Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16244

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Scary eh hon? Listen I really understand how you feel, I think most of the people on this board do. But no matter how horrible it seems and how homophobic people can act, it doesn't mean that the sky will fall if and when you decide to come out, and a LOT of people will really suprise you. In my case I'm from a very small, closed minded, rural town full of what amounts to farm hicks. I was scared to death to come out, to tell anyone, even my best friends, I thought "Sure, they're great friends now but they'd hate me if they knew I was gay!" and eventually i graduated high school and moved away to university and at that point I had known I was gay for a long time and could not hide it any longer, it really hurts to hide who you are. So I started telling people, and man when that ball started rolling it went fast and it was probably the scariest two months of my life (I know, I came out to EVERYONE I know, in two months...INSANE!!!) But to my suprise EVERYONE was so accepting and supportive, even the people I was SURE would bash my head in because they were your stereotypical homophobe farm boys and I was.. well...GAY. I'm not saying our situations are the same, but I am saying that people can and will suprise you. Be careful in who you tell, go at your own pace, and don't come out until you are godamned good and ready to do so, but trust someone who knows, you will be happier when you finally come out, and a lot more people than you think will accept you. Feel free to msg me on MSN at [edited] if you need someone to talk to.

[For your safety, it's against the guidelines to post any personal contact information, including an e-mail address, on the boards]

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 01-12-2004).]

Posts: 1 | From: Wolfville, Nova Scotia, Canada | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16230

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i'm new to this site and there doesn't seem to be anywhere to say thanks for the advice, so i guess i'll just post this here and hope you see it.

thanks for the support guys, you have no idea hope good it feels to know there are other people on the planet that know what i'm feeling.

x peace x

In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
--Douglas Adams

Posts: 3 | From: Scotland, UK | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16124

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I really feel your pain, and I wish I had ALL the answers to your problems as well as mine. I havent "came out" to anyone. I'm actually not going to. I have figured out for myself that if ur attracted to someone of the same sex then it dosent mean that you have to slap a label on yourself that says "I'm gay, or I'm Bi" and untill I actually have a relationship w/ someone of the same sex (or if I ever do for that matter) i'm not going to come out about anything.I dont want to "experiment" and hurt anyones feelings untill I KNOW for sure that I am gay or Bi. Dont know if I helped any....

I would really love to talk to u on yahoo messenger but I know we cant post user names on here....humm...well.....dont know what to say there

good luck


Posts: 19 | From: Usa | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16147

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hey~ i'd start out slow if i were you... cause personally.. i'm out to my 2 best friends... = P one who is my girlfriend! ^.~ and my best friend knows about me and my gf, and is totally cool with it~ my gf hasn't come out to anyone, and like andi said, you don't have to label yourself as being anything, especially if you're not ready~ i'm happy with only a few people knowing, because that's all i'm ready for right now(i want to come out to a friend here at college.. but i'm waiting a lil while longer)~ hope that helps you some.. ^.~ g'luck!
Posts: 4 | From: San Diego, CA, USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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