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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Should virginity have any relevance to lesbians?

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Author Topic: Should virginity have any relevance to lesbians?
Kara Zor-El
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Member # 14499

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I am a 17 year old lesbian and a lot of my friends at school are obsessed about their virginity. I've never had the slightest contact with a boy, but I have had sex with girls and I do not consider myself to be a virgin. I would be difficult for me to discuss this concept with my friends because I am not out to everyone at my school (I am only out to my family and a couple of close friends). I want my friends to have a less rigid concept of virginity but then I got to thinking about the girls I've been with and how I've never allowed any of them inside me in any way. Am I harboring some "phallic" view of virginity after all? Should virginity really mean anything to a lesbian? Musing over this further, I've realized that I want to be in love with the first woman I allow to be inside me. Is there truly an emotional connection to physical intercourse or is that just a romantic fantasy?
Posts: 123 | From: New York City | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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Hey, some people don't think the concept of "virginity" is really relevant to anyone, whatever their orientation .

If you haven't already read it, check out Scarleteen's article on the concept of "virginity": Magical Cups & Bloody Brides.

quote:
Musing over this further, I've realized that I want to be in love with the first woman I allow to be inside me. Is there truly an emotional connection to physical intercourse or is that just a romantic fantasy?

The thing is, you get to decide how emotionally significant and intimate different physical acts feel to you. And different people feel very differently about these things.

Physically, there isn't any special "magic" to penetration that makes it automatically produce emotional connection.

But if, to you, it feels more intimate than other sexual acts - maybe because it's allowing someone inside your body, for example - then that's how you feel.

And if you decide that you only want to have penetrative sex with someone you love, then that's your choice. Don't dismiss your feelings by labelling them as "fantasy".

quote:
Am I harboring some "phallic" view of virginity after all?

Well, "phallic" means referring to penises or penis-symbols. But penises are not the only things that can be used for penetration. So nope, feeling that penetration is particularly intimate for you doesn't have to be do to with "phallic" anything .


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DrQuack5
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I ID as a lesbian, but I have had intercourse with a guy. Even before I had intercourse, though, I never considered myself a virgin because I had had sex with girls. Safely.

The concept of virginity is pretty silly to me, though. I didn't feel any differently after I had penis-in-vagina intercourse, nor did I feel any differently after I practised various sexual acts with girls.


Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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