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i'macutie52
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Member # 12425

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i am really freaked out right now. up until about today i thought that i was bi. now i am pretty sure i am a lesbian. i don't know what to do! i ahave this close open relationship with my mom i really want to tell her but i don't. i am nearly 18 so i am pretty sure this is not a phase. I don't know if i should tell her or even my friends? Then i met this boy i thought i really liked him enough to date him but now i know that we can only be friends. i know he really likes me but i don't want to tell him the reason i can't be with him. Should i give him a different reason?
ashley

Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You know, these things tend to take more time than a week. There are people at 40 who are still figuring out their orientation, so your age is somewhat irrelevant here, and in the great spectrum of things, 18 is pretty young, especially if you still havene't even had more than a couple different relationships with people of any given gender, especially the gender you feel you're most attracted to.

I'm not telling you you aren't a lesbian, because I can't know that. But what I can tell you is that not feeling able to date one specific boy isn't what I'd call a sound basis for deciding you *must* be lesbian (and remember, very few people fall squarely into heterosexual or homosexual mmodels, anyway -- most people in the world are somewhere in between).

What's the reason you can't be with him? I can assure you it isn't about being queer primarily, because even the strictest of lesbians can find themselves falling in love with someone who isn't female. It's simply because as it turns out, you don't have strong enough feelings for him, that's all, and potentially because right now, you're feeling out your own sexual identity and dating boys is confusing you further.

What I'd suggest you do right now is slow the pace, a lot. Before you go freaking out, how about taking the time to read up on being queer?

A couple good books to start with might be: "Free your mind:the book for gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth--and their allies" by Ellen Bass and/or "Hearing Us Out: Voices from the Gay & Lesbian Community" by Roger Sutton.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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i'macutie52
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Member # 12425

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thanks Miz Scarlet i guess i just wasn't thinking very clear. just maybe being gay freaked me out more than i thought.
Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sera Mayhem
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Why did it freak you out? I mean, if you had already thought that you were bi....

Okay, no long speech. I wish you luck, I hope you find where you want to be.

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If you let them make you, they'll make you paper-mache: strong from a distance, and then the wind comes, and you're all but blown away. *Incubus*


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i'macutie52
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Member # 12425

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yeah thanks for the good luck. i guess i freaked cuz being gay is alot different from bi and i think my friends would be more accepting of me being bi rather than gay. most of my female friends are totally homophobic. i am not sure if they will being understanding either way that is why i freaked. when we go out it is all about getting guys. i am not really into that but i still like to be included. right now i am just confuzed about telling them anything about it. we have been friends forever and i don't want to lose them.
ashley

Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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