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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » i know ppl have asked it before but...

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Member # 12614

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ok, i know there a bunch of posts on here with basically the same question, but it seems to me every situation is a little different. i'm 16, and i've always considered myself a fairly open-minded person, but not until this year have i considered turning that on myself. lately, i've been wondering about my sexual preference. at first, it was just because i was already going through everything i knew about myself and making sure it was what i really wanted to be (i know, i'm a sap.) but then, the more i thought about it, the more i considered the possiblity that i -was- bi. i still think i prefer guys to girls in general, but some girls...and to some extent... i'm just not sure anymore.

i still don't feel like i've come to any definate conclusion, but i've been thinking about it and talking to people. one of my best friends is bi, and she was very helpful with some of my questions. i also took a look at the quiz on this site and the other postings on the board by people wondering about their sexuality. i just thought i might try posting my own topic, to see what advice people might give. if anyone would like to talk, maybe e-mail me, i'd really appriciate it. or just post some advice or comments here. (maybe how someone else ended up coming to the conclusion they were gay/bi?) just please be gentle, i'm still new to the whole situation and hesitant to say anything for sure.


~ dazed 'n' confused ~

Posts: 2 | From: VA, USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I know for myself, that I just gave it time.

After a handful of my teenage years, it became pretty obvious to me that I was bisexual, because I found myself continuing to be sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women, and wanting to pursue those relationships with people of both genders. As well, one of my earliest sexual encounters was same-sex.

Just an FYI on lingo while I'm at it:: sexual orientation, not preference, is really the word you're reaching for, I think. orinetation is the word used to describe what gender or genders we are attracted to. People who use the term preference (who aren't fundies trying to belittle orientation), tend to use that to mean who they choose to be involved with actively, or what practices they engage in. Or, to describe actual preferences, like say, preferring blondes over brunettes: as in, a blonde person is ideal, but that doesn't rule out a brunette. Whereas for someone oriented homosexually, being attracted solely or almost soley to women very well may rule out men. Make sense?

You don't have to come to any quick conclusions, by any means. Ultimately, I've found with myself and with most of my queer friends, and in my professional life, that for the most part, when you know, you do just know.

Sexual identity is something that develops over time, for the most part, so you'll find as the years go by, as you can really look at your sexual history, and your attraction history, it's a good deal easier to come to stronger conclusions. While at 12, and even at 16 or 17, when I did have girlfriends, I may have still not been totally sure where I fell on the spectrum, in my thirties, still with partners and attractions to all genders, there's really no question that I'm bisexual (though I prefer the term pansexual, myself).

So, don't feel hurried or rushed: sexuality, like most of ourselves, is a lifelong continuum. You don't have to name yours now, and heck, you don't have to name it ever unless you want to. Plenty of folks are perfectly comfortable stating that they love whom they love, and that's just that.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12425

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i know what your going thru. I know that i am not totally gay cuz i like boys way too much! until about three months ago after i turned 17 i started feeling attracted to girls not any of my close friends but like other ones i meet hanging out with people. Sometimes i feel totally into guys and other times girls. i am trying on the bi lable now but i don't really let anyone know cuz i am not sure myself. i kind of freaked at first but now it doesn't seem so bad! just hang in there!

Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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