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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » How do you know...

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Author Topic: How do you know...
earthigurl
Neophyte
Member # 8169

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Everyone I've talked to always says you just know that you're gay. Well I don't just know. I can look at a guy and think he's hot or whatever and mean it, but when it comes to do anything with a guy I just feel empty or wrong or something. But then i look at women and don't neccesarily find them more attractive then men but the idea of being with one (I never have been) seems so right. And I've never been able to make a permanent decision in my life, so I'm terrified that I'm wrong. And every1 seems so sure of who they are, and I'm just confused. Is that wrong?
Posts: 8 | From: Painesville | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
badly_behaved_badger
Activist
Member # 7728

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Hi Earthigurl, not everyone knows for sure about their sexuality. I don't! Are you upset because you can't give yourself a label yet? Never fear! Not everyone fits neatly into a certain category anyway.

You might find out your orientation tommorow, or it might take you the rest of your life, but at the end of the day, you are what you are, even if you fancy women one day and men the next!

If you never come to a decision, theres no problem, just do what you feel. You're not the only one who's still figuring out who they are, not by a long way.
*Badger*

------------------
People only listen to the words I say - but it's the spaces between the words that give the most away.


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blaze_of_glory1985
Neophyte
Member # 8770

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i am kinda in the same situation, i find some blokes very attractive (Eddie Izzard, Michal stipe, Peter Buck and one of my friends etc.) but i wouldnt dream of going with them, because i also like women, and feel right with women, (not that being gay is WRONG, i mean its Wrong for me) then again i may feel differently in the futre, but does it matter, i need no lable, i am me
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logic_grrl
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Member # 8067

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And remember, it's not really a question of preferring "men" or "women" in a general way. Being a heterosexual women doesn't mean you're attracted to all men, and being lesbian doesn't mean you're attracted to all women. It's more like finding that the particular people you're attracted to happen to be men, or women (or some of each).

You don't have to "make a decision" about your orientation. Just see who the people are who you are attracted to and actually want to be sexual with. Go with what feels right for you. Then you can decide which label best describes you as you go along.


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J_Ferch
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Member # 8901

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I knew when i was about 15 years old taht i was a lesbian, I was never attracted to boy but i was to gurls, I though for the longest time that I was wrong then i spoke to someone who was also gay and i realized that ya i am and it is ok, i am now 25 and in a happy long term relationship with my partner. I have been out and openly gay to my friends for 10 years and my family for about 3 - i have never been happier.


quote:
Originally posted by earthigurl:
Everyone I've talked to always says you just know that you're gay. Well I don't just know. I can look at a guy and think he's hot or whatever and mean it, but when it comes to do anything with a guy I just feel empty or wrong or something. But then i look at women and don't neccesarily find them more attractive then men but the idea of being with one (I never have been) seems so right. And I've never been able to make a permanent decision in my life, so I'm terrified that I'm wrong. And every1 seems so sure of who they are, and I'm just confused. Is that wrong?

------------------
. )) -::-
. .))
((. . -::- Jeremy Dawn
-::- ((.*


Posts: 4 | From: Twin Falls, Idaho, USA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PezGrrrL
Neophyte
Member # 9124

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Well....I kinda know what ya mean. The only difference is I have been with a boy and I KNOW i am attracted to them. But when I think of an attractive girl and I together I am jsut as excited as if i think about an attractive boy. SO whats that? LOL Like I havenever "experimented" so I do not know if int he actual aituation I would still feel the same. All I know is how I feel and it is making me wonder. I do not feel "right" with either boy or girl, I feel like no one will be "right" for me. So all I can respond with is an "I hear ya grrrl!!" heh. =P
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mnsouthpawjr
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I'm sorry if i sway from the subject at hand. However, it answers the question in a complex manner.

I knew at the age of 12, I was attacted to guys. At the same point, I was attracted to girls. I thought it was a phase. I always swayed from being straight to being gay. If I was attracted to a guy I was gay and I had no attractions to women. When I was with women I closed off my feelings towards guys. It didn't make sense to be gay so i hid it. I was afraid to be gay because it seemed frightening and scary. Being attracted to both genders made no sense because I thought you had to be one or the other.

I was 25 before I accepted my true sexuality of being bi. I'm married now and I can't be happier having determined my sexuality. Being faithful to my wife is the ultimate goal. My actions are heterosexual yet my feelings are towars both genders.

You sound like you may be bi but it seems like you feel uncomfortable identifying yourself as being bi.


Posts: 73 | From: Louisville, KY USA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SerenD
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Member # 8457

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earthigurl, I am in the exact position as you. I have had crushes on guys, I have even had boyfriends. And most of them I sincerely liked. However, I have never been kissed, not even a little peck. I wouldn't let any guy anywhere near me in that way. I'd cuddle, I'd tease, I'd hold hands and all of that, but when it came to kissing or anything beyond, it felt... wrong...
And like you I still find guys attractive, but I really like the idea of being with women, but I never have been. It's something that's always been there, I think, just not always aknowledged.

My advice is: hang in there. You'll find people you like, and it doesn't matter what your sexuality "really" is. As long as you feel like you're doing the right thing for you... and you don't put your health in danger... then it's okay. It's your body, your life, don't let labels dictate it.
And I know that's hadrd. As I said, I'm struggling with the same thing. Personally, I think anyone can go either way. The way you choose is your choice, and is right for you.

~me~


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Harris3
Neophyte
Member # 9424

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I'm in the same place as you. I've never been with a female before but I have been with a male. It feels so wrong being with a man but when I think of myself with a female, I'm excited. I don't know what this means, am I gay or bi? But at this time of my life, I don't care. I know what I like when I like it. I don't need to lable myself so others can understand and you shouldn't eather.
Posts: 2 | From: Levittown, Pa, USA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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