Well, to start off... I have a crush on a girl and it scares me. A lot. I have always been attracted to guys, and while I am not sexually attracted to girls as a rule, I have a huge crush on one of my friends. I've always been open about other things with my mom, and I kinda want to tell her this and "get it off my chest" but I am too scared. I was thinking about telling my therapist, but again, too scared to. I don't know wxactly WHAT scares me -- being judged? This whole thing just depresses me. If I had a choice in the matter, I would choose to be straight... but it looks like I don't have much of one in being "in love" with a girl. The issue just makes me want to cry, I'm so scared and confused about it all.
Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Hey. Maybe you should talk to your therapist about it. From what my psychology teacher told me, therapists are not supposed to judge you about this kind of thing. Maybe your therapist could help you sort this out. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong about being in love with the same sex. I think it's a perfectly normal and natural thing. I hope you get things sorted out and feel better soon.
------------------ Some days the line I walk, turns out to be straight.Other days the line tends to deviate. - Ani DiFranco
First off, let me just tell you that I am straight, but I have so many more girl crushes than boy crushes. Girls are hot! I have such a huge crush on this girl in my math class. She's so adorable.. she's got such a cute voice.. and she always wears the hottest clothes. I totally have a crush on her! And I have a boyfriend- haha! There's nothing wrong with it!
I'm not saying that your situation is like mine.. you very well may be a lesbian or a bi-sexual. Which is absolutely FINE!! All I'm saying is that you shouldn't freak out just because you've got a crush on a girl. It's perfectly normal for straight girls to have crushes on other girls. I think there's even a forum here about our girl-crushes.. but I'm too lazy to look for it so you might have to search for it yourself.
Now, if you still aren't convinced and you still are thinkin' that you swing the other way... or both ways (lol), then I would tell your therapist about it. Actually, either way, I'd tell her about it. I tell my therapist everything. She rocks. Trust me, they've heard it all. They're not gonna find a little crush the least bit odd. I think you should definitely talk to her about it.. because if you really are having serious questions about your sexuality, it can be really frightening. Especially when all your life, you've considered yourself to be straight. That's a tough thing to get through, and there's a lot involved in it. Ideally, accepting your sexuality and having others accept it too would be easy as pie, but that's just not the case. It's hard, and nobody will understand that better than your therapist. Or your mom. Either one.
But think about what I've said. Girl crushes are FINE! So is being a lesbian! Just don't jump to conclusions about your sexuality just because you've got a little crush. Go find that girl-crush forum. It might help. And talk to your therapist!
Thank you so much for your replies! Reading them and the posts of other people made me feel so much better! ^^ It is very comforting to know that others are in a similar situation as me. I would love to read more stories about people who are like me! I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I did turn out to be a lesbian or bi. I have some gay male friends, and I love them to death, we could start a private little club!! My parents would adjust eventually (if I decided to tell them :eek So, thanks again, to all the great people involved in Scarleteen! This is an awesome online "support system!" Love to all!
Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2002
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I know - from experience - just how scary it can be when you realise that it isn;t only friendship that you feel for a same-sex friend
I had always gone out with guys - and been very satisfied, emotionally and sexually - and had never really thought about being bi or gay, which made it a real shock when I started to feel 'more' about a girl friend of mine. Far from feeling all happy and 'in love', I was really scared and very upset - I had a few gay friends, and it wasn't something I was disgusted or freaked out by, but the amount of trouble that gay and bi people got at our very straight school, and in my very straight family, was not something I wanted to deal with. Also, I felt that it was so political, and I didn;t really consider myself even 'bi' - I wasn't attracted to girls as a rule, after all... Eventually, after weeks of trying to ignore it, we were watching a movie and talking about a guy who'd just 'come out' at school (okay, I admit it - I pushed the conversation a little - I wanted to know whether she was feeling at all the same thing, or was rabidly homophobic before I said or did anything incriminating).... We agreed that you fall in love with a person, not a gender... and then we got together.
Remember, you fall in love with a person, not with a gender.
(Don't worry too much about your mum, by the way - if she's anything like mine, she's already told you a million times that being a nice/good person is the most important thing, and to fall in love with someone for their mind - well, that's all you've done - you have a crush on a great person, who just happens to be another girl... Even my ultra-traditional mother couldn't really fault that. Her first remark was that I was suh a GIRLY girl, I couldn't be lesbian, and when I told her that I wasn't that either, she was much reassured, and said that I was going to give her grandchildren, then, wasn't I? We've had more emotional arguments about how to cook a good roast chicken. Also, your mother may be less surprised than you think, especially if you usually tell her everything.)
[This message has been edited by Flic (edited 06-10-2002).]
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